My ex-boyfriend returns

[annagirl]

So happy to find this engaging forum! I was looking to see if I can find answers to my current dilemma online and came across this forum!

I am hoping that someone can advise or tell me what they think is going on.

My ex and I were together for about 3 years, we lived together for about 8 months. It was a good relationship overall - marked with some insecurity and commitment issues from him, but we were good to each other and clearly in love. He broke it off about a month before our engagement party (we had been talking marriage and love for a while) saying that though he loved me and would never forget about me, he can't go through with it. I was devastated after the break up but moved on and never contacted him or his family - not once. 7 years pass and he emailed me. Basically saying that he has thought about me constantly over the last 7 years and would love to be in touch. He has been through a terrible relationship, according to him with a woman he didn't really love. He didn't date other women immediately after our break up. I did respond to his message and finally met up and it was wonderful. We were both very happy to see each other and it has generally been very nice to be in touch. I have been very cautious. I don't call him and let him be the one to leave messages, etc. I am very nice, light and polite, and don't let on too much. Apparently he misses me and wants to be back in touch.

I am wondering why he is back? Is it because he needs a friend? After 7 years! We weren't in touch during those 7 years at all, so it's not like I am a part of his life. Is it for closure? Is it random? Is there more? I am trying not to be affected by him but can't help and feel some of the old 'feelings' for him. I am afraid that I might end of falling for him again and all he needs is a friend. Do men (or women for that fact) randomly get back in touch with someone after so long? Our relationship was intense and the break-up was very dramatic. I feel he is genuine but I am not sure if I should trust myself. I was 30 at the time of break-up and will be 38 next month - so I don't want to waste any more time. During this time that we were apart I was married for a short time and ended up getting divorced - he knows all about that and compares it to the relationship that he is getting out of. We seem to be at similar points in our lives.

[Windmillback]

Hard for us on this forum to answer you. Your best answers are going to come from talking with him. After his break-up recently he wants female friends, it is harder to make contact with new ones in your late 30's than it is in your early 20's, so sometimes you grab the old contact book and see what you get from it. Could also be that after a few relationships he now thinks that you are the one that he should have never let go and wants to try to go for it, that would be genuine. Could also be that after his recent break-up, now that he doesn't have guaranteed regular sex that he wants to secure an old friend (or more that one) that he can go to regularly for some tail. Could be a lot of things

[elleda]

please please PLEASE read this whole article. it is written SPECIFICALLY for this concern.

google: baggage reclaim + returning childhood sweetheart

[IncognitoSir]

Pretty basic whats going on here. He left a god thing (you) and he experienced some bad things in life (horrible relationship he spoke of. usually this is enough to realize what you've given up and what you had and now he's back after you. Honestly, it's up to you if you want to give him another chance but I'd tread carefully with him. He's broken your heart before, so you should be careful. I guess you guys didn't end on a bad note although you were devastated by it all.

[annagirl]

Thank you for the responses! I am going to read that article on google that you recommend. While I realize that no one can really tell what is going on in this guys head, it feels good to vent and to read what others think. I will be careful, I get that. I guess I don't want to lose an opportunity - if this is one.

We haven't talked about the topic at all. He has apologized for what he did. He says it was because he was totally unprepared to get married and not because of me. He hasn't said anything about the future and I haven't bought it up either.

Thanks to all!