How to interpret her statement

[akatrma]

I am an in a relationship since 6 years and we have a little daughter. Lately I have felt very unsecure on my spouse's feeling for me. She has never really expressed her feelings much but I've comforted myself that it's just the way she is. Lately however I have got a "bad feeling". It felt like she was either seeing someone else, was about to or had just stopped loving me. I confronted her and we have had a lot of talk this past month. As she absolutely CAN NOT say I love you to me I asked her straight out why she was living with me, what was it with me that she liked.

She said
"You are kind"
....
I said "Is that it?!, that I am kind?"
"Yeah"
I pushed her some and said it has to be something more and she said
"I like the way you treat me, like I am your equal and matter."
"Hmm.....ok, thanks I guess...."
I also got a "I think you are a good father to our daughter"
..... that is ALL. Nothing more.

Now I might be thick as a doorknob but if so I don't know it, so please women, help me interpret this. If you man asked why you loved/liked him, would your answer be something similar?

I did not feel more loved after those word, rather more confused. To me it's almost as if a women ask her man why he loves her and he would say "you cook good food".

Kind Regards
Akatrma

[Wakeup]

Love is an action word a verb. Anyone can say words they don't mean so we must pay attention to actions to tell us the real truth. Does she show you that she loves you? She told you some of the ways that you show her that you love her and that is why she loves you back.

If everything is fine in the marriage and you're basically happy, then why are you making this an issue?

You should read the book The Five Love languages. I think it will reveal to you how you love one another. Not everyone shows each other the same way.

[akatrma]

Love is an action word a verb. Anyone can say words they don't mean so we must pay attention to actions to tell us the real truth. Does she show you that she loves you? She told you some of the ways that you show her that you love her and that is why she loves you back.

If everything is fine in the marriage and you're basically happy, then why are you making this an issue?

You should read the book The Five Love languages. I think it will reveal to you how you love one another. Not everyone shows each other the same way.

No everything is not fine with the relationship. She has become distant and very critical. Whatever I try to do for her is ignored and she said she feels uncomfortable noticing things I do ("When you do stuff like that it makes me jealous she said when I had unpacked our whole house after moving while she was at a one week seminar and didn't drop a signle comment about it when she got home.")

When I read what I write I sort of know the answer but I am looking for the silver lining or the hope that I have just misunderstood something. Most likely I'm just a friend now, which she don't want to loose. I wish to be her "man" but I'm probably just the father of her daughter to her.

[Rhainnonxx]

after 6 years she hasnt said i love you? thats odd to me

[smackie9]

She is with you out of conveinence and for survival. I hear it all the time, women choosing a man because they know he is kind and a good provider, rather than be with a man that they are totally headover heels for......it's called settling. What happenes down the road is the husband figures it out and become very heart broken. The woman usually find themselves caught between their husband and a man that stirs feelings of passion and are confused on what to do. So it sounds like the truth of it has finally come out and you don't know how to proceed. The only thing you can do is talk more with her about it and then make your choices from the outcome of your conversations.

[akatrma]

Sounds smart. It hurts though, a lot....

[smackie9]

Of course it does but remember it's only my opinion tho. You need to try to be open and honest with her, let her know how you are feeling about her behaviour. Why not seek out a marriage counselor to see if this marriage has a chance. It's not over yet until someone says so.

[Wakeup]

("When you do stuff like that it makes me jealous

Maybe you need to stop trying to please her by doing things and instead please her in a less "domestic" kind of way. When is the last time you took her out to do something fun like you used to do when you first started dating her? When is the last time you flirted with her like you did when you first started dating her? I don't think she "settled." I think she married the man who won her over and now you've both forgotten how to seduce one another.

Women don't get turned on by their man doing domestic chores.. well, maybe when they cook a romantic dinner for two but other than that, I'm thinking it doesn't make their motor purr.