Is this a valid argument?

[geekygirl]

I agree, this guy is a control freak. He doesn't see a double standard here, because he sees himself as in charge of the relationship. He gives orders and you take them. Which works okay for some couples, but probably not for you.

You're right; he's definitely the dominating one in the relationship. Besides, he's so much bigger than me (I mean physically) that even if he weren't dominating, I'd probably give him control anyways. Hmmm....I dont' like taking orders which is why this bothers me. I guess it's time to do some thinking.....

[Toddmj]

@surfhb I see your point about texting; however, it would be hard for be to imagine that texting is destructive in all cases. Texting allows communication to take place in times and settings where communication used to not be possible. In this regard, it can be quite beneficial and useful. I think it is when texting becomes a substitute for authentic, face-to-face, communication that individuals can weaken their relationship bonds and communication skills.

[Toddmj]

There appears to be two main conceptual responses that have emerged: (1) - There is a power distribution issue in the relationship, and (2) - The boyfriend is insecure. First, you mentioned that overall, you are satisfied with the relationship, which should help you place this issue in a proper context. Insecurity is a very misunderstood thing. Various social science theories, particularly Attachment Theory, help shed light on relationship insecurity, where it stems from, etc. If the issue here is that the boyfriend is insecure, and receiving prompt responses from you helps alleviate that insecurity, than that might explain his dire need for that behavior from you, and also why he may not reciprocate. If you texting him back quickly helps him feel secure and reassured, it might not imply that he will do the same thing in return, especially if you don't have the same need for felt-security. His desire for you to respond quickly does not necessarily mean he does not trust you, but might simply mean that there are deep emotional systems at work within him that have been shaped from earlier developmental stages that lead him to desire a very responsive caregiver/partner. In sum, if the issue truly is insecurity on his part and you feel that you have a good relationship with him, is this issue really unbearable, or is it actually quite tolerable? If the issue is within the realm of power distribution only, then perhaps change seems more practical, attainable, and desirable.

[Wakeup]

@surfhb I see your point about texting; however, it would be hard for be to imagine that texting is destructive in all cases. Texting allows communication to take place in times and settings where communication used to not be possible. In this regard, it can be quite beneficial and useful. I think it is when texting becomes a substitute for authentic, face-to-face, communication that individuals can weaken their relationship bonds and communication skills.

Texting is a pain in the ass. It's good for "honey we're out of milk, can you bring home a quart" and not much more. Anything else besides an emergency should wait until your face to face. It's worked for centuries without anyone falling to pieces.

(until someone points it out) and then it gets me thinking (and brings me here I like the way I am; in fact, my bf once told me that he loves the fact that I don't play mind games like many other girls. E.g. if I say I'm not upset, I actually mean it and he appreciates this about me but sometimes I wonder.....am I too nice? Does he take advantage of that?

OP: You were perfectly fine with things before your sister said it would bother her and now you're allowing what some people here say make you think you're being controlled when before you didn't feel that at all. Don't let this become a wedge between the emotional connection you both were currently sharing. Just let him know that if you can't answer him right away that you will do so as soon as you can and that you would appreciate the same courtesy back from him. End of...

[IndiReloaded]

Wow, how did we ever survive before cell phones and texting? Its amazing I got married at all.... :/

Oh, wait, thats right... we did this thing called TALKING....

[geekygirl]

There appears to be two main conceptual responses that have emerged: (1) - There is a power distribution issue in the relationship, and (2) - The boyfriend is insecure. First, you mentioned that overall, you are satisfied with the relationship, which should help you place this issue in a proper context. Insecurity is a very misunderstood thing. Various social science theories, particularly Attachment Theory, help shed light on relationship insecurity, where it stems from, etc. If the issue here is that the boyfriend is insecure, and receiving prompt responses from you helps alleviate that insecurity, than that might explain his dire need for that behavior from you, and also why he may not reciprocate. If you texting him back quickly helps him feel secure and reassured, it might not imply that he will do the same thing in return, especially if you don't have the same need for felt-security. His desire for you to respond quickly does not necessarily mean he does not trust you, but might simply mean that there are deep emotional systems at work within him that have been shaped from earlier developmental stages that lead him to desire a very responsive caregiver/partner. In sum, if the issue truly is insecurity on his part and you feel that you have a good relationship with him, is this issue really unbearable, or is it actually quite tolerable? If the issue is within the realm of power distribution only, then perhaps change seems more practical, attainable, and desirable.

To be honest, I don't think he's insecure. I think he does this because he bosses people around at work all day and sometimes, he forgets to leave that attitude at work and brings it home with him. I don't like being ordered around so when he does that, I politely remind him that I'm not one of his analysts! It's taken some time but now he rarely bosses me around. I do feel we have a good relationship and this issue certainly isn't unbearable but I still brought it up and he promised to watch his behavior so let's see how it goes.

[HeartIsAching]

Then you're deluding yourself. Believe me now or later, but it's true.

Some people find it comforting to be the one not in control - but most eventually rail against it.

[supermarkliu]

Easy fix.....don't text!!! Texting as it's place. Texting is single handling destroying interpersonal communication. The only thing which made us rise above animals is that we began to talk. Now we are destroying this.

What are you talking about? The invention of text messaging puts us even further above animals; when was the last time you saw dogs using iphones?