Please help!!

[bluedolphin]

This is a bit long story but I am so desperate...I don't know what to do.....I am feeling depressed.
I met this guy online oner year ago (I am European and he is Australian). We were talking on Skype every second day for 4 months and we both were looking for the same: a serious relationship that could end up in marriage and children. He is 47 and I am 39. None of us had been married before.

After talking for 4 months he came over to Europe to meet me and we spent 3 weeks. Everything went fine apart from the strange fact that we never had any physical contact, sex during those 3 weeks. After another 2 months I went to Australia to live with him as we both agreed.

When I arrived in Australia he did not treat me as a partner at all. He did very strange things, such as sitting by himself on the couch separate from me. I would ask him if he could sit down next to me and he used to say: "I have been living by myself for 10 years and this is what I am used to doing". Many times he said no. When trying to kiss him he would tell me I was very demanding and I had high expectations, we would always go with friends but rarely by ourselves. In social events he would disappear and leave me alone considering I was new in the country and I didn't know anyone. We didn't have sex whether on the 3 weeks he visited me first and it took about 5 weeks till we had the first sexual interaction. Sex used to be so infrequent and I was always demanding it. I found really strange that he didn't have sex with me but masturbated in front of me from the very beginning. I found that so hurtful. He used to say that he was used to living by himself and he was not used to having someone with him. He used to say that he needed his privacy and space. While eating he wouldn't even have a conversation with me and many times he would finish eating and leave the table while I hadn't even finished.

Everything came to him being used to being by himself. Everytime I tried to talk about the issues he would become very defensive and end up accussing me of being demanding.

I had to organise a visa to stay in Australia after my first tourist visa expired. He never helped me with anything. I was trying to do a course and I had to look for the courses, apply for the visa, and do everything myself. Every time I talked to him he would get angry and aggressive. I needed to change the date on my air ticket and when I asked him which date to choose he would get angry and ignore me.

I was so tempted to leave so many times and I packed my clothes in the suitcase. My clothes were packed for 2 months out of the 4 and 1/2 that I spent there. Not once did he ask me to unpack and stay. Many times when I told him that I was leaving he would ask me to please not go and 3 days later he would tell me: "I think it is better you go". I kept changing my air ticket date because one day he asked me to stay and another to go.

At 48 years of age he used to call his mother to tell her everything and ask for advice and in fact he brought his mother to the flat so often to deal with things. His mother and I would talk and he would go away.

I know he is taking anti depressants and I think he has suffered from depression for years. I also noticed from the very beginning when I met him that he takes Paracetamol every single day (at least 4 tablets a day).

He hit me in a couple of ocassions and at the end he said that he would travel with me to my country which he did. The reason he gave is that if I left by myself the relationship would be over whereas if he came with me the doors were open. Stupid me I believed him. He came to Europe for 3 weeks and for the 3 weeks I kept asking what was going to happen. He always said he didn't know and never gave me answers. The last day came before he left and he told me he loved me and that we would be together again and that he could see a future for us together. He returned to his country and just after arriving he said he is very confused and he is not clear.

I have been trying to cut off the communication and disappear but I can't do it. We communicate but now he says it is better by chat rather than by voice. He says that he cannot cope hearing me distressed. Of course, I am distressed and angry as after 6 months I am still in limbo and he does not give me answers.

Anyone can help? with any advice?

I have been researching and think he might have a personality disorder or something but I don't know.

Thanks

[Wakeup]

Duplicate post in Love Advice sub forum.
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/55665-please-help.html[/url]

[fuchsia_bee]

i am really sorry to say this but...leave him and get on with your life. you are only wasting time when you could meet a really nice person instead of this strange and angry man. he is not good for you and he doesn't care. he hit you? woooow...why are you still talking to suck a man? really now...i know that you care for him and that is not easy for you to leave him but that is what you should do. find a nice guy and be happy. best of wishes and good luck

[Toddmj]

I must agree. This sounds like a very distressing relationship. If your main goal is to find a relationship that can lead to marriage and family-rearing, then this guy does not seem fitted for such roles. Certainly, he has issues that are unfortunate and perhaps even understandable, but a man that doesn't allow emotional connection, hits you, wants you to leave one day and stay the next, is not fit for the role of husband and/or father. Best of luck to you!

[bluedolphin]

I must agree. This sounds like a very distressing relationship. If your main goal is to find a relationship that can lead to marriage and family-rearing, then this guy does not seem fitted for such roles. Certainly, he has issues that are unfortunate and perhaps even understandable, but a man that doesn't allow emotional connection, hits you, wants you to leave one day and stay the next, is not fit for the role of husband and/or father. Best of luck to you!

But my question is: why did he present himself as wanting marriage and children when i first started talking to him and all along the way if that wasn't the case? He keeps saying even now that he does want a partner and family. If he had told me differently I wouldn't have even continued talking to him and would have saved me time and pain. But I continued with him because obviously we had same goals. If someone is telling me for 5 months that he could see me as the mother of his children and that he could see a future for us together, how come just when I arrive in his country only during the very first few days and weeks he is showing that he doesn't even want a relationship, not to mind marriage and family???? Isn't it weird??

[deepika_16]

Things are going like this is a sign of turn in life. You felt the reality what you should feel long before. But you are [URL="http://www.myboyisanidiot.com"]in love[/URL] so it is not your fault. Usually in love it happens and many more like this. It is better now to start a new life independently rather than the useless arguments with the one who does not care for you. In my point of view, Give importance only to those who meant it. Treat everyone as you get from them and treat yourself as the best you can. Live happy anyway :-)