I want to find out what's wrong with me

[plaktukas]

First of all, this isn't a thread asking advice on getting girls, but more about just social interactions in general.

I have always wanted to know why I don't have friends. Ever since I was a child up to now in college, I have never had a single friend. The only people I have ever had meaningful interactions with were my parents and some uncles/aunts. I have never had any interaction with any peers beyond simple greetings and asking quick questions about classes if I ever had any (but never actually met up with anyone to study together). Needless to say, I never got invited to parties, hung out with anyone, or talked to any of them outside of school. Basically I had acquaintances but zero friends.

I was tired of being lonely so I became a clown during the first year of high school, desperate to get some attention. It worked for a while, everyone thought I was funny, but I soon realized how lame I was being and dropped the act. Ever since then, I had been lonely again, with no idea how to make friends.

I thought I could convince myself that I could be forever alone and happy, but there's still a void in my mind due to an absolute lack of friends. I have plenty of fun activities to engage in (no, not fapping) by myself, but I've noticed the people around me go to parties and vacations together, and wondered why nobody would ever think to include me.

I don't think I am such an ugly guy, and even if I were ugly, that shouldn't hinder me too much in making male friends.

I want to take actions about my pathetic social skills and learn what to do. Could you help me? Thank you.

[AirbenderAang]

It sounds like you have not developed your social skills and the best way I know how to correct that is for you to start seeing a therapist. Does your college have any therapists on staff? If not there are plenty enough out there in the world. A therapists will explore all the reasons why you can't seem to make friends and work on correcting them.

At its most basic, you need to learn behaviors that communicate friendliness. You also need to communicate an interest in other people. Lastly, sometimes you have to be the one make first step towards friendship. It is almost like a 1-2-3 step process. I don't know which of these three basic steps you are struggling with. Maybe you are struggling with all three. In either case a therapist can help you practice social skills and support you as you go about making friends. No one should have to live alone if they don't want to.

[Hannu]

I suggest seeking help from an NLP Coach or attending an NLP Practitioner course. Just make sure the coach/trainer is licensed by Richard Bandler, the co-creator of NLP.

[Jolicoeur]

I don't think I am such an ugly guy, and even if I were ugly, that shouldn't hinder me too much in making male friends.

You're right about that. Friends usually don't judge friends' appearance.

I want to take actions about my pathetic social skills and learn what to do. Could you help me? Thank you.

What creates friendships (in my opinion) is similar interests. Once you have something in common, a friendship can grow well beyond the common interest and deeper trust can develop from there.

So, here's a suggestion: identify what you're interested in. Computers, literature, specific genre of music, some sport or a specific team, a particular branch of science, model building, a computer game or console, an animal/pet, train spotting. Whatever. Find at least three, and find a way to show people that these are area's of interest to you.

The easiest is probably music. If you're a big fan of Metallica for instance, start wearing their t-shirts. Bring it up in conversations over lunch. Don't overdo it. If you get no reaction, it means that noone can relate to that and you won't find sympathy about it. But don't give up. You can find other people or other interests in the same people.

Another way is to join a club that shares this interest, and get involved. Join a band, a sports team, a student news paper, a chess club. Don't just be a silent member. Participate and make suggestions. Show your passion.

A last thing is that most people (and therefore probably you too, sorry) are not really interested in what other people have to say. Most people are self-involved. So the sneaky way in is to listen to people and talk about what they like and do. Carefully praise them for it. You don't have to lie or be hypocritical about it. Whenever someone says something you really like or enjoy, it's ok to mention that you like that. It'll make you more sympathetic and fun to be around. If you're lucky, they'll open up to your interests later.

All the best, man.

J.

[sadie_genie]

Are you the shy type?

[unknown88]

I know how you feel plaktukas, I feel the same, this thread has been useful