How to cope being a Beta Male

[akatrma]

I'm what one would call a Beta-male kind of guy. A pretty smart, slightly nerdish guy who is very gentle and kind. I am easy to get along with and a typical "be there" kind of guy. I have always (to my own suprise sometimes) had long term relationships since I was 20 (im 37 now) and been single for a total of about 4 years in between.
I just have difficult comming to grips with the fact that I am a compromise.
I am the rational choice mate and not the emotional choice mate if you get my point. If you recognize yourself in the beta-male description, how do you come to terms with the "im the rational choice, but she's not attracted to me, really" without going nuts (like I am currently). Help me find peace in my situation....

[IncognitoSir]

It's called confidence. Beta male, a compromise.......rather you're beta or alpha you need to realize everyone has some sort of compromise. There will always be something to compromise....unless you're perfect.

[smackie9]

You just need to stop your impulse to make everyone happy.....learn to say no and put yourself first. Have an opposing opinion once in awhile, and stop worrying too much about stepping on people's toes. In other words yes be more confident, be more expressive, assertive, stop being TOO nice.

[HeartIsAching]

It's called confidence. Beta male, a compromise.......rather you're beta or alpha you need to realize everyone has some sort of compromise. There will always be something to compromise....unless you're perfect.

Bingo. You needn't be a "Beta-Male" if you don't want to. It's a matter of self confidence. Believe it or not, your posture has a LOT to do with it. If you stand/walk confidently, people will treat you as someone who's self-confident... and when they treat you as someone who's self-confident, you'll feel that way. It's a great feedback loop.

Basically that means, chin up, shoulders back, chest out. Don't slump. Stride, don't shuffle along. Look people in the eye. Smile a lot.

[funkmasta]

Do what I do. I am a beta male in some aspects. I am a beta most of the time in fact.

However when I first meet people I always establish that I am the dominant male as odd as that sounds. I confront everyone with a handshake, enunciated voice, and intense eye contact. After that I am very chill, just going with the flow ya know? But if somebody tests my position I assert myself again. It can be something as small as seeing a guy flirting with your girl, walking up to her, kiss her, look him in the eyes for a second, then walk away. Thats all it takes. People are just like animals whether you admit it or not. Nobody is going to challenge somebody who shows that they will confront the challenge if need be. Like animals people will go after the weakest link. Thats the point of the initial assertion then rising to the test when it comes which willl be rarely if you assert yourself from the get go.

You say rational emotional choice stuff. Man give yourself credit. You have a ****ing penis, how badass is that? you can wave it around and slap shit with it. **** yea. Just because you are a nice guy does not mean you have to be beta. To be alfa is just about not allowing disrespect. In fact the best leaders never get challenged. If you are too confrontational you will be a threat and will have trouble. If you are not confrontational enough you will be a target. The best leaders just say hey, im here, i have a dick, and i put it in women. And then they go about their day being THEMSELVES. And if somehow you are challenged. Just let them know you are not worth the trouble

[akatrma]

You just need to stop your impulse to make everyone happy.....learn to say no and put yourself first. Have an opposing opinion once in awhile, and stop worrying too much about stepping on people's toes. In other words yes be more confident, be more expressive, assertive, stop being TOO nice.

Thanks... I took this to heart and it's going well. It's feelsl a lot better anyway, and the vacuum created by not being so eager to please has given her space to act too it seems. Thanks

[DannyH]

screw going for alpha. Be a gamma. Best of both worlds without going over board. Be a little more assertive and confident without going balls out crazy. Start small. Don't let people walk over you. Screw that. You already got the backbone for being a good guy you top it off with little confidence and you golden.

[wolfie91]

I think you are over-simplifying and over-analyzing this.

The idea that you aren't an "emotional choice mate" is silly. You would never want to be with someone that didn't fall for you on an emotional as well as a rational level. You just haven't found her: and I'm sure your low self-esteem (ie: categorizing yourself as a "beta") isn't helping. Try upping your self-assurance a little bit, instead of making excuses for why you haven't found somebody who's willing to fall in love with you with her whole heart. If you get proactive, you'll lose the self-imposed boundaries and maybe find a little more success.

[doppelgaenger]

Keep on beta testing until official release.

[Henry123]

Bro. find a good wing buddy or someone alpha you can model.
Have you tried checking out David DeAngelo stuff? It can help.

[CAM]

Don't label yourself just to rationalize the situation. Look, I'm basically a nice guy, but that doesn't make me a beta. I agree with the other comments...everyone is a compromise at some level on rational basis of analysis. But guess what? Love isn't rational....