Confused On What I Should Do.

[JJP]

Hey guys, I'm new. Needed somewhere to vent and get advice with what's going on in my life atm.

A few years ago I had a gf that I dated for over a year and a half. It was a good relationship but, I always knew we weren't to be and it eventually ended. I always got on extremely well with her sister and people used to comment that I was dating the wrong sister (much to the annoyance of the gf understandably). I felt really bad about it but, cant help it and she was too young for me anyway.

I was with another girl for a year and a half who I fell completely in love with. When she broke up with me it broke my heart completely and 10months on, I still feel sick if she sends me so much as text saying "happy birthday" or something polite. Only way I have been able to deal with that is to try forget and ignore her completely because, the memories of being so happy make me sadder then anything I've ever experienced.

Anyway, since breaking up with her I've been talking to my 1st x's sister again. We used to talk quite a lot but my 2nd x got a bit jealous so I stopped talking to her pretty much. She and another girl (my rebound basically) have helped me a lot with trying to get over my broken heart. I have met up with her a few times, and we text constantly all day everyday over the past 6+ months. She is an incredible girl and I have always thought so. I always got on with her like no one else I have ever met and, although she was too young and an X's sister, me and her had crossed my mind. Quickly stamped out by me thinking it's not an option, she is too young and it is too cruel to my x.

Now that she is older, the age thing isn't as big an issue. The girl I was completely in love with pales in comparison to her. We would make such a good couple. Neither of us will say anything about this because it could destroy what we have. We both know nothing can happen but, we get on stupidly well. She is trying to get on with life and indirectly encourages me to and I am, but I just don't fancy any other girls at all so if I'm thinking about someone, it is always her.

More problems:

- She isn't just a girl I want to be with for a bit. I want her for rest of my life. And I can't face loosing her for the same bs reason I lost my last love for (Being too young for a long term relationship - 19).

- None of her family can know we text each other let alone meet up.

- I live over 5 hours away during term time so can't see her most of the time. Even when I am back, because it has to be a secret, I don't see her very often.

I wouldn't say I'm in love with her yet. But I'm trying so hard to stop myself (Its prob just be that I'm refusing to admit it but, I can't). I am just completely falling for her, seeing her is making my feelings stronger. The more I'm with her and talk to her, the more I want her. I don't know what I should do...


Stop talking to her, try and forget her, it's wrong and I shouldn't even consider it?

Carry on the way I am, keep the happiness I can get until maybe some day we could be together?

Talk to her less, try and suppress any feelings, maybe someday?

Is it completely wrong? I mean, I know it's weird. But is it morally wrong? Would it make me a bad person? I just don't know.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Go for it. Let your ex deal with it. Don't compromise your happiness.

[HeartIsAching]

- She isn't just a girl I want to be with for a bit. I want her for rest of my life. And I can't face loosing her for the same bs reason I lost my last love for (Being too young for a long term relationship - 19).

Age isn't the problem, it's maturity level and knowing what you want - both of you. It is unlikely, but it's possible that she already knows what she wants at that age, and so do you. Only you can decide that. Don't be afraid to take a risk. Life is a series of risks... nothing ventured, nothing gained as the old saying goes.

- None of her family can know we text each other let alone meet up.

Why? She's 19, not 9.

- I live over 5 hours away during term time so can't see her most of the time. Even when I am back, because it has to be a secret, I don't see her very often.

So get a rail pass.

I wouldn't say I'm in love with her yet. But I'm trying so hard to stop myself (Its prob just be that I'm refusing to admit it but, I can't). I am just completely falling for her, seeing her is making my feelings stronger. The more I'm with her and talk to her, the more I want her. I don't know what I should do...

You should communicate clearly with her as to your wants and desires, see what she wants, and if they match, take a chance. And quit sneaking around.

[JJP]

Firstly, thanks to both of you for the replies.

She doesn't want to settle down early, she isn't like that at all. Age isn't a huge problem any more but, when I said 19, I was talking about the age of my X when she broke up with me for that reason alone. I don't agree with it at all which was a large factor in finding it hard to come to terms with.

I don't have the money to buy a rail pass, I am a student with a job who spends as little as possible but, I get no grants and my parents can't afford much. I have considered trips back but it's 60quid each time for one day with her. Saying it in that way sounds so worth it but it's hard to justify when I ring up my parents because I need money for food :S. I guess I just feel like it's not my money to spend.

We don't really have a choice on the sneaking thing. Her family are kinda crazy and I wouldn't be surprised if it resulted in a huge rift with half of her family never talking to her again. I can't ask her to do that.

Maybe I should tell her what I feel. I don't know. My worry is that if I do, even if she does feel the same, a relationship isn't feasible and would result in us finding it too hard and not talking. With it unsaid, I can just be her friend. If we are still like this when I graduate, I intend on telling her everything and getting a job close to her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her what you feel, and let her make the decision. Maybe wait until you're in a more suitable place financially and in general for a relationship with her.

Personally, I go for what I want, when I want it. I don't waste opportunity and I'm willing to work to make things happen.