Lost in thought...

[unknown88]

Not really sure what the topic title could be but it somehow seemed appropriate...probably because I tend to over-think a lot of things.

As this is my first post I think I should begin by saying a little about myself.

Firstly, I am English, I tend to be very shy (due to a combination of not wanting to be pushy - which I sometimes fail at, and also a fear of rejection), I tend to need people to start conversation otherwise I'd probably sit in silence thought sometimes I take a "leap of faith" to say a short statement or even a hi or how are you. I'm brutally honest, I tend to explain things to ensure people don't misinterpret. I've been single for almost a year, mostly by choice, I don't think of relationships because I like to beleive it's best to just "let things happen" regardless of if this is the right train of thought or not and beleive you cannot be happy in a relationship if you can't even enjoy your own company (feel free to critasize this), I am open to all possibilities.

About 3 months ago I started a new job which I met this girl who is 7 months younger than me, I am 22. The girl I meet is polish but speaks decent English. As I do not wish to be pushy I went with very simply things like, smiling at her. I glanced at her alot when we worked together...she overheard me saying she is "kinda nice" (and I quote) which I genuinely did not think she was close enough to hear as I was talking to a collegue. We smiled at each other for a while, I added her to facebook, she went to visit poland for 2 weeks, I didn't see her for like 3 weeks total, she didn't accept my friend request on FB til she was back from poland in which we had very breif conversation. Then I had a moment one day of maybe 15 seconds where I pretty much lost control and couldn't help but litterally STARE at her. We seemed okay 1-2 days after that (in terms of the usual breif communication) - which is basically hi how are you and bye... she never once replied to something I said on facebook (which was basically hello and a 1st message of "was starting to think you wouldn't add me lol you are probably at work now but how are you") none of these received a reply...she has said hello to me once since then (which was about 3 days ago) I see her rarely at work and when I do she is talking to friends (in polish) and I feel insanely rude to even think of interrupting her conversation (I guess it's the way I was brought up) But considering I have not thought about a relationship for like a year now this one girl made me think about her every damn day and I can't think of a single way to get closer or even start a decent conversation (we don't work together often). The result was this...

"I have wanted to know you for almost 2 month, you appear fun. You added me to facebook when I requested but we never talk...When I said "alright" to you a few weeks back I didn't mean it in a british way...I wanted to know how you was and/or how your day had been I know you didn't know that but now I'm telling you lol. I hope when I stared at you I didn't freak you out but I just couldn't take my eyes off you.
Now that is all said, if you want me to leave you alone I will...
But what I want is to get to know you better..."

Critasize and advise freely on the whole situation or just my final message I sent her like 15 minutes before writing this...any help or critasisms appretiated...even if it's aimed at my psycological flaws...What I really want to know is your opinion on my message to provoke some sort of response if I should be waiting around or to let her live her life without me trying to pull her. And also your opinion on if she likes me or not, and how my message may have changed/reinforced that I know this seems like a petty situation but it's really concerning me...

*edit*
Oh and I forgot to add that the
Now that is all said, if you want me to leave you alone I will...
is because in the past few days she has walked past me without even saying anything on a handful of occasions but was only 2 days ago she last said hi to me (when none of her friends was present and during a time where we couldn't stop for a conversation)

**edit**
Sorry for the insanely crappy English, Just finished a 12 hour shift and didn't really sleep last night due to the heat, guess the tiredness got to my spelling ability.

[unknown88]

No one? Sorry for double posting but I'd really love some female input on this matter...anything at all? :/

[IncognitoSir]

You're biggest mistake from what I can tell is sending this via facebook. You should of spoken to her in person. This guessing game you're doing on how to get a response from her is a waste. You need to get the courage to face her in person. Talk to her, send a direct signal of interest to her. She may have been turned off by you not approaching her. Since you've sent the message already and she has yet to respond and she has been ignoring you, I'd just let it go. Next time you need to physically approach a woman if you're interested in her, let facebook be your last means of communication. The fear of rejection is a bitch I know, but rather you get rejected in person or on fb it still feels the same and you can get over rather quickly. I wouldn't push it too much with her though, she's a work colleague and if she's ignoring you now that means it's already awkward. I'm sure you don't wanna have it weird at work.

[unknown88]

That's the problem...We work in different departments and in 2 months I've had less than maybe 30 minutes to talk to her, but it was an insanely pleasant 30 minutes, the times I've seen her "during work" is pretty much passing in the passage ways but due to the nature of the job we can't just "stop and talk", it's really hard to start a long conversation since my break sort of finishes when hers starts and after work is a bit of a rush (6am buses run hourly), this is why I used facebook...2 months of fustration I really didn't want to I deleted the message I was typing like 10x lol and went back like 6 hours later and thought "screw it, i gotta try something" :/ although theres still no reply from facebook she did "interact" (assuming she saw my message) and "liked" something on my page...could that be a good thing, or does it not change anything?

And thank you for your reply, much appretiated.

[MerryH]

When you are first meeting someone, or even once you've gotten to know them a little, it's never a good idea to announce your intentions like you did when you said, "But what I want is to get to know you better..." That's kind of a given whenever people show interest in others. And it sort of puts pressure on them that they have to behave a certain way because you expect a certain thing. Terrible explanation, but I hope you get what I mean.

Also never say anything like, "if you want me to leave you alone, I will." It's just kind of pitiful and that's unattractive.

That message you sent didn't give her anything to respond to. You didn't ask any questions about her or create a way for a conversation to begin. You just apologized for things she probably didn't even notice.

I'm inclined to tell you to ignore the way people behave on Facebook and focus on what happens in person, but if you're being ignored on Facebook, then she probably doesn't want to get to know you. Let it go for now, if you get a chance to have a conversation with her in person someday, then take it.

[unknown88]

I just don't get why she would add me to facebook in the first place if she didn't want to talk...she doesn't seem like a "friend collector"...I feel teased :S lol

[The Gent]

Sorry dude but I seriously laughed out loud at the part about you staring at her.
Anyways, you've given this girl too much power, bro. You've placed her atop a pedestal & you've made her unapproachable in your own mind.

I know being shy sucks, but try to strike up a conversation the next time you see her at work. Doesn't have to be anything amazing, just ask how her weekend was etc.

As for the Facebook situation. How fluent is she in speaking English? The case may be that while she feels comfortable conversing with others in the workplace in English, she might not be as confident when it comes to chatting online.

Try not to stress yourself out about it too much man, you'll make yourself ill lol.

P.S, Next time you see her, stare at her intently for at least 45 seconds. That oughta do the trick.