Don't know if bf is controlling or i am just sensitive!

[JennaMS]

A few months ago i moved to a different city (where i didn't have a job) to be with my bf. Since then, he has been paying for everything. He also gets drunk and goes to strip clubs (with me sometimes), but told me he never had a lap dance. Now he shared that of course he did. He says it was before we were together. He took me on vacation recently and his friend pulled him aside to ask him if he wanted to get a prostitute. He trusts me enough to tell me this, but it freaks me out that it is even a possibility. I don't know if I can trust him or how scummy he really is, and ever since he started paying the bills he is being controlling and putting me down A LOT because I don't have a job. I don't know if this is a situation I should leave or work on.We have been together for 3 years, and this has been happening for 4 months. PLEASE HELP!

[Warhawk]

No one should be putting anyone down.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get out sooner than later. Don't give him a second chance either, because he is going to beg for one. Just pack your stuff and leave while he's at work.

[blent]

What about his side of the story? Do you think it's fair that one person should be paying all the bills and not say a word about it?

[tremolo]

I would personally be very concerned about the prostitute thing. If his friend asked if he wanted one, that should probably tell you something about your boyfriend's interests.

[DannyH]

Get out if you can. Never move to a different city without setting yourself up first(decent way to get cash and making sure you have a way out ) Getting stuck sucks." his friend pulled him aside to ask him if he wanted to get a prostitute." Seriously?!? you don't ask somebody a question like that unless its a joke,to piss somebody off.....or you know there might be a chance for the person to agree to it. Nobody should put anybody down ever. It's pointless and stupid. Pack up and leave quickly when he is away at work otherwise that situation is going to get worse.

"What about his side of the story? Do you think it's fair that one person should be paying all the bills and not say a word about it?" Yeah it's not fair but there are ways to do things putting somebody down for not having a job is no good. When you invite somebody in to your house from another city guess what you take responsibility for awhile until they can get on their feet. Helping somebody get a job in a new city is better then putting somebody down for not having one and come on with the job market today when it comes to finding a decent job(in the US at least) you need all the help you can get.

[doppelgaenger]

If the strip club thing bothers you so much, why did you go with him to one?

[guessgurl]

so, your together 3 years. And it's only the last few months he's been giving you a hard time. He is probably stressed out over having to pay all the bills on his own. He is stressed.

Talk to him.

[Soreloser]

I would say that it was the positive aspects of the controlling nature in him that originally attracted your attention. If that's not what you want, it may be time to train yourself on how to spot the right kind of personality traits. With any advantage comes a disadvantage. It's always best to find the right fit.

Many guys feel inadequate if they can't pay for everything. That does not necessarily mean they're controlling.

On a serious note, if you don't feel that you can communicate with him, you will need to learn. These kinds of conversations are best had face-to-face. If you aren't great with confrontation, at least you have years (and a willing participant) to practice with.

[Boisdevie]

Get a job. Stop being a parasite. Leave him. Find your own place.

[IncognitoSir]

Is it me or does it sound like a lot is missing from this little equation. He's honest, taking care of you, sheltering you, feeding you, etc. He's been putting you down right? I wonder if you just sit around all day?Are you actively searching for a job? Looking for a job is a job in itself ya know. Do you clean up and take of the house at least? I can't see how he would just be "putting you down" for no reason at all. Not justifying his behavior but their must be a reason and apparently you have failed to investigate this reason or at least you haven't shared it with us. You say you don't know if you can trust him, why? Because of something his FRIEND asked him? I feel like you're going for the victim role here to be honest. But like someone else said, if this is as horrible a situation as you make it out to be, by all means, you should leave ASAP. No one deserves to be put down.