Still Confused

[confused&single]

Ok so some of the regulars probably have an idea of my situation. For those of you who don't here you go. (Sorry so long!) I'm 25, he's 24, we were together for essentially 4 years. For the past year and a half he's been dealing with the issue of not knowing what he wanted out of our relationship. My fault in the whole thing was pushing him to decide. I really wasn't looking for a ring, just the knowledge that he wanted a future. Unfortunately he couldn't do that. Ultimately we ended it because he said he for a while just didn't feel that into the relationship. So I said he needed to be single for a while. He said it wasn't that he didn't love me or that he wasn't attracted to me or that he didn't see/want some sort of a future with me. He remains that that's the truth today. However he doesn't want to get back into a relationship just yet. He ended up dating someone for a week or so and I guess they kissed..but he said it didn't feel right. If he could have taken it back he would have. We've gotten to the point (going on 4 months post break up) that we talk at least once a week. He is ALWAYS the one to call. I'll still text him occasionally but he does the calling. I tried up until recently to act like our current situation didn't bother me anymore but recently I've reverted back to asking why he's doing this and asking him if he misses me. I know I shouldn't do that...I know it isn't helpful. But he just sends me so many mixed signals. He flirts with me still and seems interested in whats going on with me. He also desperately wants some sort of a friendship with me even though I told him it would be impossible because we both still had strong feelings for the other. He's also insistent that I date other people though and "see what else is out there". He tells me to not think about things to much and the he is still trying to work through things still. And that he hasn't completely put the idea of us getting back together out of his mind. Yet he still doesn't want to talk about getting together again. It's so infuriating. I'm to the point that I'm just pissed more than sad. Because I see how ridiculous all of this is and how insanely stupid he is being. He even gave the example of one of my friends whom broke up for a year and then got back together (and have been together for the past 3 years). What in the hell am i supposed to think that means? Yet I can't help but still be in love with him. I still care about him deeply and now I'm hearing from some of my guy (straight) friends that we'll probably get back together because we both still love and care about each other. Hearing that is driving me insane. I don't think they are saying those things to lead me on or give me false hope but it's making me crazy and in turn making me push him again to figure it out. He doesn't have any really close friends that he can talk to about this...he's friends are so immature that they suggest that he go out and "be a pimp" now that he's single. Which he says he has no interest in. My guy friends think he just feels like he needs to know that there isn't anyone else out there that can make him feel like he does when he's with me. I hate it....i hate hearing it because I want to believe that we'll get back together but it's setting me back. Now I've deleted my facebook so he can't check up on me and I'm keeping my texts to a minimal amount. I've also decided that even though I'm not really ready to date, that maybe I should. I just feel like a complete jerk because I know that I'm probably leading them on but I've heard from several people that sometimes you just need to put yourself out there to move on, even when you aren't completely ready. Is that really the only way to get over someone? I feel like I'm just leading them on because since my guy friends keep telling me that we are going to get back together that I'm only doing it to prove to my ex that I can move on and that I don't need him. I know it's spiteful and I hate that. I don't take a lot of joy in using people but maybe I'll meet someone that changes how I feel right now. So I guess my real question is that obviously I'm still confused and I really don't know what my move should be at this point. Does anyone have any insight on my situation? Does it sound like he may come back? Do you think it's a bad idea to casually date other people at this point? How else do you start to move on?

[OmnicronPercei8]

Women are good at giving ultimatums. Tell him to shit or get off the pot so you can know one way or another if you need to move on or stick it out.

[confused&single]

Women are good at giving ultimatums. Tell him to shit or get off the pot so you can know one way or another if you need to move on or stick it out.

Ultimatums never work and result in a decision being made that one or both parties will eventually regret. I want him to decide he wants to be with me because he came to the conclusion on his own. You would think breaking up would be an ulitmatum....but we're still talking and it's the same conversation basically. Only we aren't together and we're allowed to date other people. It's so obnoxious. I just wish it was easy for me to cut all of ties completely..but I can't make myself do it. I realize I'm putting myself through this at this point, but when I talk to him sometimes it seems like he's coming around, then other times he is completely distant. Men say women are confusing...well this man is confusing as shit. .....grrrrr

[pisces25]

He is keeping you around in case something "better" doesnt come along. Why else would he not be with you if he claims he loves you, is attracted to you and can see a future with you?

If it were me I would be telling him time is up, cutting contact and moving along.

[confused&single]

I know you're right. I feel like this whole thing isn't really resonating with him yet because it's basically the same relationship minus the physical stuff and he's allowed to date other women. So I don't think he's really thought about it. I know this whole thing kind of makes me look like a doormat. And I'm not to proud of that. So even though I don't really want to, I think I need to go out and date other people. I actually have a date this Friday. So I guess we'll see. It so frustrating to be in love with someone that you know still cares about you/loves you and treats you as such, but then doesn't want a relationship right now. So I'm constantly on the hook, hoping today will be different. Today he'll call and want to talk things through. I know that he if were to come to me today and be like "look, I realize I was being an idiot but I want to be with you again." that I would. It wasn't' broken...not even in the slightest, he's' just immature and doesn't trust himself to make good decisions. It's a really long story but the way he makes decisions this whole thing doesn't really surprise me. He'll take months to do research on something then make the decision to purchase it then 3 weeks later start regretting his decision. If that's how he makes decisions, no wonder he is so damn confused about us. He knows he's happy but he also can't trust his feelings. And unfortunately I don't know when/if that'll ever change. I really feel like he needs to go talk to a psychologist and work through his issues. I don't think this has anything to do with me..but I don't see him doing that so I'm not sure if he'll ever realize what he's doing. Gaaahhh you can see how frustrating it is.