Ex-BF wants to get back together, met someone else. I'm torn

[Riku]

I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible. My BF and I had been dating for about 6 months, 3 exclusively and then we broke up two weeks ago, well maybe three weeks ago at this point. It was somewhat mutual but more so on his end than mine. I was getting fed up with his behavior and he was just too stressed to deal with our relationship. I deal with this stuff best by moving on so I reactivated an old online profile I had on a dating site. A few days later I meet and start talking to someone and we set up a date for the coming week. We talked every night and morning all week up to and after the date. It went really well and we have had two dates since.

Last weekend though, my ex-BF shows up (when his friend should have) to give me my things I left at his house because he wanted to see me and wanted to try to talk things out. Long story short, he feels like he made a huge mistake, he wants to get back together, he's really sorry for his behavior, it was just stress, etc......

I was falling in love with him. None of my friends really liked him but they didn't know him they just know him through what I've told them and I usually only vent to them so they mostly know the bad things. Needless to say they all want me to stick with dating this new guy and not go back to the ex-BF. The new guy has a lot of potential, we get along great, we have a lot in common and he really has his life together from what I can tell (although you never really know). Then there is my ex-BF who I care very deeply for. Saying his life is a mess is an understatement! But I have more fun with him than I've ever had with anyone. When we are together everything is great and our chemistry is amazing, again nothing I've had with anyone in a very very long time.

I just don't know what to do and I would love some advice. I feel like each day that passes the new guy is getting closer to wanting to be exclusive and the ex keeps moving forward like we are back together even though I've never said we were. I don't know if me and the new guy could have the same feelings I have for the ex, do I take that chance or do I go back to what I wanted undeniably a month ago and hope all this doesn't happen again? I'm so confused.

I know now I shouldn't have tried to move on so quickly but I was upset and really just wanted to reaffirm to myself that I could still find someone else, that losing him didn't mean I would be alone forever Now I've made this mess I'm in.

[MaidenMinx]

This is a time to be wary of falling into the 'better the devil you know' situation.

Personally I'm not a fan of the getting back together after a break up. More often than not what was left unresolved is there lurking in the background. If your ex is prone to bouts of jerkness he's likely to hold the fact that you dated during your break against you. Also the fact that he hasn't got his sh*t together doesn't say much for him either.

I think you need you time, without the confusion of guys in the picture. So my advice would be to tell your ex to back off and slowly but surely see where things with the new guy go. They probably won't go to far, unless you are prone to settling for fear of being a lone, and if that's the case, it's time to be alone.

[Renwo]

It's a tough call. I did the same thing as you, started seeing someone else a couple of weeks after a break up with someone who I was crazy in love with and had amazing chemistry with. Ex wanted to give things another shot, I agreed because the chemistry with the new person was not anywhere close to what it was with my ex. We tried again, it failed horribly six months later and I'm heartbroken. Now I won't pursue anything with anyone new if the chemistry between is not as good as or better than what I had with my ex.

[Mcmg]

My advice to you would be to take things slow with both men. IF you are not exclusive with either than you can date or talk to both. Don't rush things. 6 months isn't a very long time to be with someone, and only a few weeks with the new guy definitely is not.
If I had things to do over in so many relationships I would have slowed down and taken my time. I wouldn't even talk to or date either one of them every single day.

[OmnicronPercei8]

I disagree with that. Pick one or the other or go it alone for a while while you sort out what you want, but don't string both along while you take time to figure things out. That isn't right to whatever party you're going to have to let go in the end.

[DannyH]

Dating more then one at a time is a nice way to lose both and depending where on how big the city is your at it will catch up to you. It may not be wrong but it's a good way to lose trust with people right off the bat.

[VincenzoG91]

Your ex is your ex for a reason. Possibly many reasons. It's very unlikely that those reasons have gone away in just a couple of weeks. I think you should move on and focus on the new guy.

[BigBlak]

Im in your same situation but worse ! I broke up with my ex of 2 years and 2 weeks later i found someone that i just couldnt pass on (BIG MISTAKE!) and now we are 6 months in our relationship and my ex comes back into the pic wanting to get back because things happend so quick and with no closure. I had to tell me current GF thankfully she mature about the situation but she is still hurt that i wasnt honest with her in the first place about how long i broke up with my ex. But yea she allowed me to talk to my ex and see whats there and im in a big mess because my ex is hoping praying that we get back while i dont think shes woman enough for me like my current gf. My advice is figure out why you wanted out with your ex and then compare that to what you may have with the other guy because out of 6 months apart from my ex she has grown alot but still not to what i wanted. Maybe its the comparison who knows but base that off of your decision and good luck.

[LittleMel]

Such a dilemma for sure Riku, but a choice has to be made and soon, it's obvious you are all over the place in mind and need some settlement on this, you can't go on like this much longer, and of course it's not fair on both of them to know that you are mixed up in mind, that doesn't even need to be said as they will really sense it.
I think it has to be one or the other, your ex as has been said is your ex, ok you know him, and it is like the devil and the deep blue sea, but I think you need to sit back and let the past flood over you, not all the pretty pictures, but the nitty gritty, and then decide if you think that any change has come to your ex, since talking to him lately, and if not then maybe don't get into the mode of 'he will change',or 'he won't do this and that again', because invariably not too many people, depending on their age of course, can change that much.
Your new boy friend sounds stable and heading in the right direction, I would go with your gut instincts, but what ever it is, don't play one against the other, they will get hurt, and of course you will too in the long run, and guilt will fall too as I feel you are a very caring person and not out to hurt anyone unduly, it is the situation that you have now found yourself in, we all get into muddles sometimes, that is life, but it can't be allowed to carry on. you need peace of mind and they do too..
Good luck in your choice.