Can't let go

[youngMister]

Hi.

I've no idea why I finally managed to get myself to actually come and write about what I'm feeling and ask advice. Before I get started, I have to say I'm only 15 and probably have not discovered the point of love and what it actually is, although I'd like to think to myself that I know the feeling.

I don't know if this is even worth writing a long story about because I know what young people my age usually want to do (have fun and mess around), so do I, but I can't get this one girl out of my mind.

Now, since November 2009 I've known a girl that lives 160km away from me. We met once then, I got her contacts and chatted very much then. I was "in a relationship" until summer of 2010, then we started visiting eachother. I think the termin of being in a relationship is a little different in young age, but we had our relationship back then. When school started, it ended and we regularily chatted until the beginning of 2011. Then she came to visit me regularly, we made out and had a great time together. Once again we classed ourselves as being in a relationship (and this is deeper than just changing the statuses on Facebook). One weeked in the end of May I drove to visit her once again, we had our great time together like always, but the next day when I was home, she decided to end it and said it probably wouldn't just work out.

Don't get me wrong on this, but I have tried to keep my attitude of not giving a **** or not showing that I very very much care about something, but I can't do this when I'm speaking to her. No matter how alpha I try to be, it doesn't want to work out with her and I don't even try it anymore. I suppose for the fact I could be classed as a very nice-looking guy and every offer that I've gotten in the past 7-8 months I've given up for this girl.

Back to the story, she came to visit me for 4-5 days on Midsummer's week and we had a great time together. We had sex (both were virgins before), cuddled, said sweet things... A few days after she left I spent a night at hers and once again we enjoyed the time together. But there's one thing I didn't mention earlier: she had told me before that she doesn't have anyone else besides me but she also doesn't want to be committed to someone. She said it was because it would make it look and feel bad for her if she, while enjoying summer, did something with anyone else.
I suppose I have to explain what's "enjoying summer" because she's a very beautiful girl, but doesn't class anywhere near the type of girl who would just go out on a friday night and make out with 2-3 guys in a night. I'm aware of one situation where she was kissed, she openly told me about it and hoped that it wouldn't happen again. And I'm not even afraid of it happening again, I just want to be committed to her and one-sided commitment... how's that possible?

I seriously doubt she would go and have an intimate relationship with someone else, or even have sex, and I question even making out with anyone else. I seriously know she won't have sex with anyone else, but perhaps I'm a fool for believing the other stuff?

I still want to be with her, I don't care if she has been kissed by someone else because I have done that too accidentally. But I guess this falls for the terms of a quite long distance relationships whereas she has told me I'm one of the 3 persons she can trust the most and would like to have me for a long-long time. Now it is down to just me not understanding her completely. What does this sort of a period usually lead to? I'm not necessarily looking for being loved back, I just want to be with her, cuddle, kiss, have sex, enjoy the time together, but why would she "break up" with me and continue the fun between us reassuring that we're currently not in a relationship.

Sorry for the very messy post, I'm in sort of a hurry right now and couldn't manage to sum it up properly. Any suggestions, any own experiences? I noticed that some fairly interesting and good advice is given on other topics. Perhaps make it happen here as well?

Thanks!

[Wakeup]

First off: I just want to say thank you for a well thought out opening post that included paragraphs between your thoughts with punctuation and clarity. Its rare to see that kind of Opening Post in someone so young.

I know no matter how this is put its going to sound condenscending and cliched however; You will get over her if you allow yourself to. You'll never forget her, I don't think anyone forgets their first but, you can and will think of her without the longing eventually.

The hard part is accepting her wishes and letting her experiment with relationships and boys in general. She's a little ahead of you in that department but you'll want to do that yourself soon enough and you'll be relieved that you don't have to worry about hurting her or betraying her and that your free to experiment yourself.

The harder part is you being strong enough to go no contact with her so that you can get to the stage of indifference to her... so that you can move on and be free in your mind and heart to enjoy your youth and your journey to finding the woman that is right for you as a life mate.

You are young, you deserve to have someone close to you that you can spend your time with without always missing them and not having to conduct the majority of your relationship through correspondence and fantasy.

You don't know it right now, but you'll be fine and you'll be fine the sooner you begin the no contact. Don't give her the satisfaction of breaking up with you while still keeping you as her male girlfriend... You deserve way better than that. No one should accept being demoted from romantic boyfriend/girlfriend to just friend.

Best wishes to you.

[The Gent]

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlJtQLg4bpU]YouTube - ‪Anthony Hamilton - Can't Let Go‬‏[/url]

Bro, is this you? If so, you've got a soothing voice my man. Just sing to this girl & melt her underage heart!

[HeartIsAching]

I think Wakeup got it exactly right. As she often does.

[youngMister]

First off: I just want to say thank you for a well thought out opening post that included paragraphs between your thoughts with punctuation and clarity. Its rare to see that kind of Opening Post in someone so young.

I know no matter how this is put its going to sound condenscending and cliched however; You will get over her if you allow yourself to. You'll never forget her, I don't think anyone forgets their first but, you can and will think of her without the longing eventually.

The hard part is accepting her wishes and letting her experiment with relationships and boys in general. She's a little ahead of you in that department but you'll want to do that yourself soon enough and you'll be relieved that you don't have to worry about hurting her or betraying her and that your free to experiment yourself.

The harder part is you being strong enough to go no contact with her so that you can get to the stage of indifference to her... so that you can move on and be free in your mind and heart to enjoy your youth and your journey to finding the woman that is right for you as a life mate.

You are young, you deserve to have someone close to you that you can spend your time with without always missing them and not having to conduct the majority of your relationship through correspondence and fantasy.

You don't know it right now, but you'll be fine and you'll be fine the sooner you begin the no contact. Don't give her the satisfaction of breaking up with you while still keeping you as her male girlfriend... You deserve way better than that. No one should accept being demoted from romantic boyfriend/girlfriend to just friend.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you for your reply.

Well the usual case pretty much is if we feel like "drifting apart" is that I make myself busy for 4-5 days with something (for example go to countryside without internet) and during that time, she starts missing me according to herself. And I can be pretty sure that this isn't some bitch-type of missing and it actually means more. And that leads to us spending some great time together, but whenever we've spent a few days together and need to be a week apart, during the first few days of being apart, she is so cold and everything towards me. It would usually not bother me at all, but in her case... for some reason, it does.

Anyways thanks for your great tips, I think I'm gonna pull off the no communication one finally after some time, but I don't know if it will be extremely hard. But err, there comes the point again, I don't feel like settling for less in the future, and finding anything better will apparently become a mission extremely hard, if not mission impossible.
And she has a great body, I'm still the only guy she has had sex with (and that won't change for some time) and one of the 2 guys she has seriously kissed. I don't even think of stopping her in whatever she is planning to do with other people, but I secretly hope she doesn't and she actually knows that. And as I said, a great body and I just want to have her as someone I can meet up with, make out, jump between the sheets and enjoy the weekend. That if anything deeper like a relationship isn't available.

So, do you think I should still do the completely cutting her off my communications? Or could we keep the current situation with me attempting not to get hurt in order to have good fun?

[Wakeup]

I think a lot of men would tell you to just enjoy the sex and don't get emotional. I myself don't think that's possible when your emotions are already full tilt into her. Kinda like you can't take them back now and you'll likely get hurt badly when she hooks up with another guy... which she has every right to do because you two are no longer exclusive. I suppose you'll do it anyway and that will be a life lesson for you.

Another drawback with keeping contact and intimacy is that you won't be meeting other women with a free heart and mind when she's still very much a part of you.

My advice is to let her go and explore while you do the same thing and in a few years from now if you're both still single then strike up a conversation with her then. 15 Is very young and I'm sure you'll have many wonderful experiences before you're ready to think "life mate."

Cheers and good luck what ever you decide to do.

[HeartIsAching]

Once again, Wakeup's got it right. If you stay with her, you'll seriously reduce your chances of meeting somebody else. It's hard to let go, I know.