What to do, what to do...

[AlwaysLost]

I'm a 27 year old man, living a not so productive life with no escape. I know... Confusing... I'll explain.

I have some issues, emotionally and mentally. Nothing that a doctor can give me a pill for, and nothing that anyone seems to be able to help me get over.

1. For one, I spent most of my adult life slacking off, and jumping from job to job. Now that I'm pretty sure I'm over that, my work history and credit history are preventing me from getting a job. Not to mention the economy is in the crapper.

2. I get bored with EVERYTHING rather quickly. Vehicles, games, movies, shows, activities, hobbies, and worst of all, girlfriends.

So here's my problem:
I've been in the same relationship for almost 4 years now, which is a year longer than my previous record of 3 years with my first girlfriend that was controlling and managed to screw me up in the head pretty good. After six months in my current relationship, I dumped her out of boredom, because there was another chick I met. (I do NOT cheat, never have, never will. But I've been known to do the next worse thing, and dump them to have a fling with someone else and then come crawling back.) That lasted a couple of months before I realized that I really missed her. So I came crawling back with my sorry eyes on and we worked things out.

Since then, we have improved our relationship ten fold. We fight, of course, all couples fight. But now we get mad and yell, then an hour or two later we talk it out, rather than keep fighting for days until one of us leaves. I used to have extreme jealousy issues, and we talked through those, too. I had severe trust issues... Gone. We worked out all of the problems I've lived with since my first girlfriend screwed up my head. We fixed them, or found a way to bypass them, at least.

I trust her completely, which is far more than I could say about anyone else in my life, including my own mother. I do love her, and I think emotionally and mentally she is perfect for me in every way. We click, we compliment each other. However, the problem is, I'm not PHYSICALLY attracted to her anymore. Honestly, I don't know if I ever really was.

Her and I are both fat folks. I'm fine with that. I like big girls... But there is a line. And she just keeps getting bigger, and bigger. I have talked to her about it, and she cries, and tells me she wants to change, that she WILL change, and she does absolutely nothing to change it. But it's not just the weight. It's her in general, I'm just not physically/sexually attracted to her.

Then there's the other problem:

She talks about marriage, and spending the rest of her life with me, and the whole time all I can think about is "Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with a loser like me?"

She's been supporting me off and on for the last year. I have found ways to make money here and there, but it's never enough to make much of a difference. She believes in me, for some reason. And she wants me to succeed, and she supports me because of that... But the whole time she's supporting me, she is holding herself back, and I feel guilty for that.

We are both 27, and neither of us have ever done anything with our lives. I have tried to talk to her about it, and she assures me that this is what she wants. She tells me over and over that this is what she wants, but yet she always talks about wanting to go back to school, and get a new car, and buy a house, and get married, have kids.... But while she's supporting me that is ALL not going to happen.

So to break it down, I don't find her physically/sexually attractive, and I feel like an ass because she supports me instead of bettering herself. What the hell do I do? In every aspect besides physical/sexual attraction she is perfect for me. And in every aspect I am holding her back. I've felt this way for over a year now, and I need to find a way to fix it, or get away from it completely.

-AL

Also, therapy has been considered. We have both discussed it multiple times, but therapy is expensive and we can't afford it. Sure there is state assistance for things like that, but what are the chances that a state therapist is going to sincerely give a crap weather or not they actually help? Pretty slim I'd say.

[Lite]

I think you both need to get some therapy for your respective issues...

[AlwaysLost]

That actually doesn't answer any of my questions.

Thanks for trying, though.

[Lite]

Actually, it does answer your questions. It means they're all things you two need to resolve, and neither of you sound capable of resolving them without professional help.

It's not an insult, it's a suggestion. A lot of good can come from treating your personal issues like health issues. If your body is sick, you go to the doctor. If your thinking process is sick, why wouldn't you go to the doctor?

It doesn't mean you're crazy, or lacking, just that you need perspective that you're not finding on your own.

[VincenzoG91]

Or you could both join the military. Boot camp would whip you both into better shape, and if you stuck with it long enough you could walk away with full retirement pay and still be young enough to keep earning money in a regular job.

[AlwaysLost]

See the edit I made. I'm sure therapy/counseling could help both of us. However, it's not an option.

The military? I have my reasons for not joining the military, and I'm sure having some douchebag scream at us for weeks wouldn't offer much help.

[VincenzoG91]

The screaming will keep you from getting bored, and boot camp will whip you into better shape. You will probably also learn some discipline and get motivated to do something with your life.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The military is for people who want to be there. It requires a great deal of dedication and motivation, of which he seems to have neither. It's not something you just do to help you find those things.

I think he needs to figure out what he wants and start working toward it. Motivation has to come from within.

[jules82]

I always find it amusing when an overweight guy finds an overweight girl unattractive.....like, have you taken a look in the mirror lately? it goes both ways.....don't expect a runway model if you can't even keep yourself in good shape and health....

[Lite]

Actually, most therapists will work with you on pricing. You just need to talk to them about it. If you have insurance, many employers have an Employee Assistance Program that will pay for several therapy visits for free up-front.

[AlwaysLost]

I always find it amusing when an overweight guy finds an overweight girl unattractive.....like, have you taken a look in the mirror lately? it goes both ways.....don't expect a runway model if you can't even keep yourself in good shape and health....

You have no idea what I expect, obviously. I don't expect a model in any way. I have dated plenty of women that fit the description of "attractive" that the media portrays. You know, the skinny ones that are full of themselves and like to criticize everyone that doesn't look like them? Women like that aren't worth my time in any way. I like big girls, plain and simple. That's what I'm attracted to. I apologize for not being the typical male that thinks with his penis and just goes for women that everyone else thinks are "attractive". I would much rather make my own decisions without the help of the media, or any of the walking erections that there seems to be so many of.
__________________________________________________ ________

Thanks Lite. At least your responses were informative unlike the rest.

Now that I know this forum is a joke, I'll take my leave.

[Bella82]

First off, stop letting her support you! She seems to be very important to you, so if you feel bad about her not having the money to do what she needs, don't accept it.

For therapy, even if it's State-provided, why not give it a try? If you don't do it, you can be pretty certain you won't get the results you both need. At least making it an option will give you the chance to work on your relationship.

Sexual attraction is v. impt in a relationship, it's the difference between good friends and sexual partners. Although weight is easier to fix, you mentioned something else. You said, "But it's not just the weight. It's her in general, I'm just not physically/sexually attracted to her." If it's more than the weight, then is it her as a person? You might want to think about this a bit more, and see where this is coming from (ie if you're starting to only see her as a friend).