Its Over

[Fawn]

11 Months spent together. Now, its over.

Tonight my (ex) bf gave me an altimatum. If I didn't come see him tonight, then we were through. I know we've had alot of problems. Me, specifically. Over the time that I've been with him, I've gone from being a normal teenager, to being stressed and anxious to go anywhere. I had a panic attack a few months ago just outside his house. This has scared me so badly that I couldn't even go anywhere on the North End of London without freaking out.

When he said that altimatum, I went into shock. Apparently, he could not understand the pressure and fear that I have. I've explained it to him so many times and yet nothing seems to sit in his head. It takes time for me to overcome something. The reason its so scary, is because a Panic/Anxiety attack makes you feel as if your dying. You can't breath. You can't move. Your heart pounds so fast in your chest. Its something you can't understand until you experience it.

I couldn't make the trip. No matter how much I wanted too. I could not do it. I'm going to the doctors on Monday to see if I can get more help for overcoming this. Apparently thats not enough for him. He can't wait and he never helps me to overcome my problems. Instead he made it worse by forcing this upon me.

For the last couple months I was lucky if I saw him once a week. Always busy with school and never enough time to see me. Each week I would cry myself to sleep because I felt so alone. In my view, this was actually the perfect chance. Maybe, I need this time alone. I need to gain my confidence back in myself, to become the happy person I once was.

I love him so much. I even believed that he loved me too. Maybe, I was wrong. Maybe, it was all a lie. I do not know, but I'll be hurting for some time.

[Necrid]

*big hugs*

I know you needed that... even if its a cyber hug the support and love of your friends is still there, and if you ever need anyone to talk too I'm going to be on as long as I can be this time around and if I can't be on the forum, email me, I always check my email and I always answer my emails

I hope I've made a difference in whatever little way that I can

[Fawn]

*Hugs Back* Thanks Nec.
Your the best surprise I've had today!

[Necrid]

I try, and I'm glad your feeling slightly better ^_^

[abercromqt20]

aww girl we've all been there b4. not to detract from your pain or anything. i'm just saying i know what you are going though. it sucks to feel like this. all i can say is for you to keep busy. about 2 weeks ago i went through a break up with my bf and that's all i had on my mind. but you have to force yourself to stay busy. start working out, go out to eat with friends, enjoy some harmless flirting. day by day it wil get better. but it will go a hell of alot faster if you keep busy and don't dwell on it. i hope you feel better, and you know we are all here for you!

[BabyLamb]

(((((((((((((poor kid))))))))))))))) (those are hugs)

... no matter how anyone may tell you he's not worth it, you're better off without someone who doesn't even care enough to help you through your panic issues (and I KNOW how *that* feels),

the fact is that you're brokenhearted and only time can lessen the pain. It's probably too soon to get past the sharp sting it did to you. You've been majorly insulted by him, and you have every right to be furious!! How DARE he? I mean really! I hope someone who acts like that doesn't BREED.

anyway, it's okay to hate him, to think only the worst .. and sometimes when you're so lonely all you can think of is the good stuff, even that's okay. Someone else mentioned keeping busy, having friends around you, etc ... may I offer one more idea? ... if you like acting at all, maybe there's a community theatre near you, and you could join? work backstage if you want: personally I've found great comfort in set painting. Amazing to see your work on a big stage, with all the audience watching it, and knowing you did the work to make it look so real! You don't have to be an artist either: there are lots of books and stuff online to teach you.

If I had stayed with the guy I briefly married (control freak, not supportive), there's NO WAY I'd have been doing my set painting. No, because his tyrannical behaviour all but snuffed out my lively spirit.

Don't let any guy do that to you. You're far too precious.

BabyLamb

[squirrley]

Fawn~its ok, some of us are going through the same stuff. It hurts, and im only going to say this...we will be fine! We are NOT going to die because someone hurt us. It only makes us stronger. I'm crying too, but because I know Im going to fine, it makes it somewhat easier. Life is too short to sit around and dwell.

Bring on the next chapter of my life, Im done so done with the old book.

Goodluck at the doctor!

[Fawn]

aber, lamb, & Squirl! I wish I could hug you all right now. Your words mean so much to me! Thank you.

[Necrid]

*offers hugs*

see, everyone cares so if you ever need anyone to lean on or talk too

come on to loveforum, find one of us and tells us your problems because we're all in this big boat together

[schueys_girl]

Aww fawn i really feel for you, but maybe its for the best. He hasnt been as supportive as he could of been, and now you have the opportunity to go about your problems on your own, and it will only make you stronger. Keep your head up and think positive, your moving forward getting help for your panic attacks, and someone who isnt mature enough to help you through and be understanding definetly isnt worth your time and love. Stay strong, were all here for you -x-

[Jenrick285]

I'm sorry to hear it ended like how you described it. Ultimatum's suck.. They seriously do. It's one of those things that mean "If you love me, then you'll ...." There's alot more to be said about it, but it's boring stuffs

Besides, if you met him how he is *now* for this first time, would you go out with him? Erm... Hopefully not, eh?
Life is hard enough as it is for people in general... and Ultimatums help no one. We're not in 12 year olds...
Besides... Last that I remember relationships are supposedly mildy entertaining and fun... Unless things has drastically changed over the last couple of years.

[Fawn]

I feel so utterly depressed. I would stay in bed all day, but I won't allow myself to do that. In the end I know it was for the best. Yet I still feel awful.

[Junket]

You should have made it easier on yourselves and posted a GROUP HUG!

[Cybog]

Wow this one actually sucks.

With all the chumps that post here whining about their messed up lives, it hits home even more when it's "part of the family".

I hope tomorrow brings a brighter day for you Fawn. We all know that it will.

[Fawn]

Day 2 of back to being single...
Thank you all for your kind words.

Cybog: Each day seems brighter already. I'm still sad, but I'm trying to realise that this should be a celebration to a starting a new.

I can concentrate on myself right now. Thats something I haven't done in a long time.