Is he just not that into me?

[floridagirl]

I need some clarification and since I cannot discuss this situation with a girlfriend, and my husband always has the same reply, I thought I'd post here. I would like to give you first a bit of background info to help you get a mental picture:

I teach at a business college in northern Germany and there is a male student (somewhat older than most of the students, but still way younger than I) whom I had taught the last two years--he has since graduated. This young man has flirted with me over the past two years and towards the end of his last year of college his flirting became more obvious--not only to me, but to the other students in the class. In May he asked me for my number (I gave it to him) and then programmed his into my cell phone. Shortly thereafter in class one morning he told me how much he'd like to go to the movies with me. Since I am totally infatuated with him (my husband is cool with this and has even encouraged a rendezvous) I looked up a new release and got the nerve to call him on his cell. He returned my call immediately and we set up a 'date' for the following Saturday. He said he wanted to do that again and I mentioned I wanted to wait till he was officially no longer a student. The 'date' was totally platonic since he was still a student at the college. Shortly before graduation he told me and a number of other students who were standing around that I was his dream woman. This was not the first time I had heard this from him, but it was the first time he said this in front of his buddies. The afternoon of the graduation ball I sent him a simple text message: ''save me a dance tonight?'' He came to the event then left with a group of his friends before we had a chance to dance. A week later he sent me a text message apologizing for the quick departure. He also said how much he had wanted to dance. I replied and suggested that we go to the movies on the weekend to which he replied with a date. A few days had gone by and I hadn't heard from him so I sent him another message asking if we were still on for the movie. He apologized profusely for not getting back to me sooner but he had just started a new job and didn't want to ask off the 2nd day. He 'promised' he would get in touch. What now?

Have I read way too much into his flirtatious actions? The electricity that I felt in class was high voltage! Did I imagine that, too? All I want is a summer fling...a little romance. Nothing would ever come of this because I am much older and married with children! He knows my age and marital status, but that never stopped him from flirting with me. I don't want to be a nag nor do I want to sit around waiting for his next message. Should I be honest with him--tell him what I want and let the cards fall where they may? Maybe I have just imagined all of this. I think I would rather know that nothing will ever come of this than sit around waiting and hoping that he calls.

Gentlemen, your input will be greatly appreciated!

[HeartIsAching]

You got played for better grades.

[floridagirl]

That is what I thought, too. The grade thing crossed my mind but quite honestly the grades are what they are, black on white. I cannot change them. Anyway...I think I am at peace now. Thanks HeartIsAching.

[HeartIsAching]

That is what I thought, too. The grade thing crossed my mind but quite honestly the grades are what they are, black on white. I cannot change them. Anyway...I think I am at peace now. Thanks HeartIsAching.

Good for you.

[ctr916]

In my opinion, and in modern times, modern women should be willing to use men for sex even if they don't clamor for a relationship, afterward. If it is only a fling, I recommend you be upfront with him about your mostly honorable intentions; as a potential friend with benefits. A friend (with benefits) should not have a problem with it.

[floridagirl]

ctr916, you pose a very interesting way to look at this situation. Like I said earlier, the thought did cross my mind that I was played for better grades, although it wasn't really necessary on his part. So why wouldn't more students try that angle (not with me specifically but in general)? And why would he contact me just before the arrival of his official 'no-longer-a-student' date? I like the idea of being upfront with him and explaining the benefits of a friendship with me. I would, in fact, be using him for sex, nothing more, and since I live in a country that is very open-minded about sex, I think if both parties are willing, a purely sexual relationship would be accepted more readily here than in the US. My (German) husband also sees it this way.

[ctr916]

You mentioned something about fraternizing between faculty and students; it could be a plausible explanation. How close was the grading period to the initial advance? Was he lobbying for "tax burden" break? If the final grades had already been issued why would it matter; and, if you both enjoyed your time together, what was wrong it? It could be that the situation has changed for him and he may no longer be as "available" as he was before.

[KingZ]

I find it hard to believe that your husband is totally okay with you having sex with another man.

[floridagirl]

The fraternizing thing is definitely a no go, that's for sure, but a plausible explanation for what? He is no longer a student, and therefore the student-faculty relationship no longer exists. He had been a student of mine the last 2 years, and over the two years' time he subtly flirted with me. The more overt flirting started in the middle of this (his last) school year. Grading is very different here in Germany compared to how we do things in the U.S.: I am not the sole decision maker for my students as far as the grades are concerned. The entire faculty must decide collectively what the students' grades will be (FYI). And by the time we went out, the final grades had already been determined; he was 5 days from graduation. Over the 2 years that he was in our school he did not have a girlfriend. We are a very small school. But who knows...things do change.

[floridagirl]

Doppelmakemelol, as amazing as it sounds, my husband is okay with it. When I used to tell him about the flirting from this student, he would get totally turned on. He has said on more than one occasion that he would love for me to have a nanny-cam up and running when and if there is ever a rendezvous.

[Mathias]

Doppelmakemelol, as amazing as it sounds, my husband is okay with it. When I used to tell him about the flirting from this student, he would get totally turned on. He has said on more than one occasion that he would love for me to have a nanny-cam up and running when and if there is ever a rendezvous.

This is considered amazing?

I'd be a little more than freaked out.

[ctr916]

I heard Europeans are more comfortable with their sexuality; and, they don't have a McCarthy era phrase in their pledge of allegiance to their republic.

[Wakeup]

then THE only possible answer would be that "he's just not that into you." Maybe you wanting to date (go to movies) instead of just fvck was a turn off? If it's "just sex" then try keeping it that way. O_o

[ctr916]

I am still of the opinion that the situation has changed for the guy and maybe the new girl he may be seeing, may not only have issues with porn but also with more open forms of relationships; especially if he is trying to win a more serious relationship with her.

[floridagirl]

Hi folks...for those of you able to still follow this thread (or receive messages and updates): He called. We talked. I told him outright that I wanted to have an affair with him. FYI: I usually get what I want ;-) and we are now having that affair. Seems he had the same thoughts but was too prudent with me being married and all...So now I get to have my cake and eat it to, so to speak. Since he is so much younger than I, I shall teach him everything there is to know about a woman's body (what he doesn't already know, that is) so that one day, when he does find the love of his life, he will be able to make her scream!