Leading myself on...

[wolfie91]

I have been extremely close with this guy for about six months. He had a girlfriend for this whole time, and spoke about her on a regular basis. As we were (at that point) completely platonic, it didn't bother me at all. I have male friends. Things have a way of shaking themselves out.

I don't know if I am:
1) getting mixed signals
2) making up mixed signals
3) being played

He calls on a regular basis, just to chat or to update me on what's going on with him. Because it's summer time and we are both at University together, contact sort of fades out when we get out of school. I am a very relationship-oriented person, but I have to realize that not everyone is that way. I hear from him maybe once every week or two weeks (I no longer initiate contact).

I told him at the beginning of summer that I liked him (in the juvenile, "I LIKE you like you" way), and he broke off contact for a little while. I picked up the pieces and moved on: it was a crush. It happens. Rejection's a b*tch.

He called back later like everything was the same, and I reciprocated.

But now he's getting more intense again. He called and wants to come out to see me (he lives abroad, and although he is staying in the country now, it's a five-hour trip out into the sticks). I don't know what happened to the girlfriend, but I can only assume they are still together. I am still pining over him, but doggedly trying to maintain no contact (we never went out, of course, but we were closely paired and I am treating it like a breakup to keep myself from chasing him all over the place like a stupid puppy).

What is he doing? Is this a normal, "Okay, I'm just going to road trip to see my college friend" kind of deal? What is the appropriate response for me if I want to keep him at arm's length (but -wince- if I am still hoping against hope that it will turn into something)? Do I let him come visit? Do I beg off as being 'busy'?

Every time I try to back off, limit contact, or anything else, he calls or leaves me a present or does something stupid and sweet. I get this feeling like maybe he just likes to be liked, if that makes sense (hence the concern).

For what it's worth, at school together we were together all the time. But we were also a couple of people who didn't quite fit in with the "let's get drunk and smash things with our heads" crowd. Maybe we just clung to each other because that's what we had. -shrug-

[iamminzy]

I think you need to confront him about this because it's not right to go out with someone if they already have a boyfriend or girlfriend. even if it's a hang out I found that strange... I met this guy online and he has a girlfriend and I just don't know. I want to continue to hang out with him, but I don't why he is on an online dating site if he already has a girlfriend and he says he just wants to make new friends? is it really that simple? Can't you make friends someplace else? Why online dating site? And i didn't read that part and played myself... I feel like a fool.

But in your case, he seems like he likes you, but he just probably trying to hold onto his gf because he is insecure and probably can't let go of his relationship with his gf.... Guys gets insecure too, but I just don't see a point in hanging out with girls while they have a girlfriend and vice versa....