What do i do??

[Andy22]

Im new to this...so i'll try and keep it as short as possible.

Basically i'm at a complete loss of what to do at the moment, and figured talking out loud might help?

So..i met this girl last year whilst I was away, and we began talking on facebook, texting and met up a few times in London (we live an hour or so apart so its not to easy)

Anyway..although most of our communication is done through the above (which i hate!) we 'talk' everday, so much so that i honestly cant remember a day we havent since we came back from the trip last year.

Sorry if this is all about mixed up..it seems so clear when i think about it in my head, but then when i write its so confusing, anyway, i digress! So for me i felt an instant attraction to this girl when i met her, but didnt think anything would come of it...for a number of reasons, but chiefly because shes stunning! But, like i said we began talking loads, and have since started meeting up more regularly etc.

Umm..im not sure how much detail i should go into, incase by some crazy coincidence she reads this!...um so im afriad i might have to leave one fairly fundamental bit out...but anyway...id been meaning to tell her for months that i felt something for her, but really thought there was no point as she was massively out of my league. However, it got to the point where ive fallen so hard for her, that i just had to. I've never been in love before, and im definitley not one to throw the word around casually like it so seems to happen these days. So i told her how i felt. Now im not sure what i expected, certainly not to hear the same back. But essentialy she said that she knows there is something there, but isnt sure what...and is so scared that if something more was to happen it could jepodise the relationship we already have.

We've since spoken about it a fair bit, and my problem now is, i dont really know where i am, or what to do? I purposely try not to ask her questions which i know might provoke some sort of final decision, if that makes sense? I think if i knew for sure that nothing more could come of it, it would kill me. I dont know whether friends is enough. Yet on the other hand, i couldnt risk losing her and not having her part of my life.

Theres heaps of stuff ive left out, but i guess what im asking is how should i be dealing with this now? is it wrong of me to try and push things forward more? or do i just sit back and let us carry on like we are....which by the way is killing me!...i want so bad to be able to tell her all this stuff but feel i cant!

So yeh...i guess keeping it short didnt happen!...but any advice you guys could give would be so muuch appreciated!

[lahnnabell]

How far away from each other do you guys live? How often would you be able to see each other? Those are some questions to consider. Also, do you get the feeling she feels the same as you? If you really want this to turn into something, looks like you'll have to be patient. In the meantime, consider keeping your options open. Women love competing for something they want. Give her the opportunity to chase you a bit and you'll see if you've really sparked her interest.

[Andy22]

Umm we live about an hour apart, so could easily see eachother every weekend. I know, like you say, those are the things to consider and she has said that the distance is one of the things that scares her. But my thoughts is that those issues are what you consider once you know exactly how you feel, if that makes sense?

As far as does she the feel the same goes...Shes told me there is 'something more there'...she told me she had been on a few dates with someone a while back and felt really guilty about not telling me....and im not one for making presumptions, but if we're just friends, is that normal?

I totally get what you mean about giving her something to chase, and i know i should try and not be so available...but, and maybe this sounds stupid...i feel so strongly for her that nothing else or no one else interests me, so im not really sure what to do?

[devonbrown]

Regarding her response to your declaration of love for her... it has been my experience that that kind of response is a way of letting you down easy. The "something" there is most likely just friendship. Women tend to know when they are attracted to someone romantically and she would have said that if she felt that way. Her feeling guilty about not telling you about her dates was just her not wanting to keep things from her friend. But she didn't tell you because she already sensed you had feelings for her.

With all that said, if you don't want to just be friends with her, what is the risk in throwing yourself into pursuing her? But, heavy pursuit will probably just push her away.

It sounds like you are stuck in the friend-zone and that is where you will remain. Sorry this is not what you want to hear, but I would suggest looking elsewhere for potential romantic partners.

Good luck.

[lahnnabell]

While devon is potentially right (girls do use that tactic as a letdown for guys they're trying not to hurt), it only proves my point more that you need to back off. If she wants to see you or suddenly seems more interested it'll only be because you've kept yourself busy. And let's say she does come calling, don't drop everything for her. Be nice, but tell her you've been busy but that you'd love to schedule time together in the following week. She'll truly wonder why you're not bending over backwards for her.