Ex bf sent me this letter... whats my next step? What's he REALLY saying??

[pickling]

I couldnt take it anymore, limbo, 2 rebounds, long distance, depressed. I messaged him today telling him I'm done, and am tired of being hurt and am moving on with my life. It was a kinda long conversation, but I ended things, and he begged me to stop and not to kick him out of my life. I had to go, then he wrote this letter to me via email:

I should probably be waiting until things have cooled down before writing this, but I couldn't wait.

I'm not going to try and change your mind, and this isn't about me trying to convince you I'm a better person than I actually am, but there are things I think I just need to say before you're gone from my life...

Firstly, i know I sometimes made you believe that our relationship struggled because of your insecurities, and that was wrong. I've always been weaker in that way than you, I am about ten times more insecure than i pretend to be. Honestly, the fact that you've been putting up with my shit all summer should have been more than enough to prove how committed you were, and I'm sorry i was too much of a pussy to let myself believe it.

I know I used to say this a lot, but it's still true...I've always felt like you're an infinitely better person than I am...I'm weak in a million different ways, and more selfish than I'm willing to admit. I feel sick knowing how much I've hurt you, especially when you've been trying so hard to make sense of my bullshit.

I feel like i should explain the other day when I was skyping you and Lucas kept telling me to "say it". Over the course of our time apart (as I'm sure you can imagine) most of the people in my life have been pushing me towards other girls, telling me it's the only way to get over you. I get constant grief for keeping other girls at arms length, and they all think I'm being stupid for not really pursuing anyone else with much enthusiasm. Although you dont believe me, i havent been hooking up with anyone, and trust me, i get endless shit for it. Again, I don't expect you to really believe that after everything.

Anyways, when we came here Lucas kept telling me I had to just really be single and stop holding on to you, etc. When girls here started to show interest or whatever and i kept my distance, he laid into me about it and I told him I couldn't because i still loved you.

I know I've been a ****ing jackass, and you have ever right to hate my guts.
I won't pretend I have been a selfish douche, because I have, and i have been talking/flirting with other girls just to make myself feel better.

I'm not proud of myself, and like i said, you're a far better person than I am, and i respect you for that....more that you know.

When I think about it now, it doesn't even make sense for me to be talking to anyone else. None of them have come close to living up to you, and I've known that deep down this entire summer. I constantly catch myself wanting to talk to you, not because it makes things easier, but because i know I'll never have a connection with someone else the way I did with you.

I'm going to stop because i know this doesn't change anything, but i just want you to know...you're better than anything I've been wasting my time with, and I've always known that. I'm just too scared to admit it because I'm so afraid of losing you this once you're with new people.

And for the record, you were right about all those times you told me you knew I secretly thought you were funny. You crack me up lady .

I really hope this doesnt get read when you're still livid, but I guess it doesn't matter either way. Youre a phenomenal human being, sorry for being a stupid ****.

Good luck with everything that you do in life. I truly hope you're as happy as you say you are, and I'm sorry for ever making you otherwise.

Goodbye Jess. I'll always love you...i think you already know that. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve, and stay away from asshole guys. No more "projects" like me

I'm so sad...I feel like I lost him.. I told him I was moving on so he could get scared of losing me, not just give up!..., what can I do? Hes been sad and vulnerable before when I told him I needed space, but he would just beg for me to talk to him and he would tell me to just be patient while we figure stuff out, and he would NEVER talk about the rebounds. I was in limbo and hurting... now that he's come clean, is it different this time? What should I do?

[smackie9]

It doesn't matter what he says in the email.....actions speak louder than words. He wants you to feel sorry for him and he is just making lame excuses for his bad behaviour. You needed to cut ties for a reason, so there is no reason to look back and wonder......time to move forward and close this chapter of your life.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah hes trying to get you back... thats something I would write.. his intentions are to get you back even if he says otherwise.

[Wakeup]

What a manipulative crock of shit. You're so sad you've lost him? Geezus woman, the man is all words and if you read between them you can see that he doesn't want you in the least... He may think you're a great person and he may miss spending the little amount of time with you that he did but he certainly doesn't love you.

If you need me to analyze the bullshit paragraph by paragraph so you'll accept that what you did was the right thing then let me know and I'll personally take the time to point out all the red flags his words caused to well up in me and I don't even know the douche.

If I was to respond to that pile of dung it would be to tell him that I'm glad he can see that he is indeed the asshole that he portrayed while with me and I'd wish him well. Block / delete.

P.S. This guy is playing you large. Don't fall for being his backup while he does what his friends tell him and does other women while you wait for him.

[DarkHelmet82]

What a manipulative crock of shit. You're so sad you've lost him? Geezus woman, the man is all words and if you read between them you can see that he doesn't want you in the least... He may think you're a great person and he may miss spending the little amount of time with you that he did but he certainly doesn't love you.

If you need me to analyze the bullshit paragraph by paragraph so you'll accept that what you did was the right thing then let me know and I'll personally take the time to point out all the red flags his words caused to well up in me and I don't even know the douche.

If I was to respond to that pile of dung it would be to tell him that I'm glad he can see that he is indeed the asshole that he portrayed while with me and I'd wish him well. Block / delete.

P.S. This guy is playing you large. Don't fall for being his backup while he does what his friends tell him and does other women while you wait for him.

exactly.. hes got ulterior motives.. thats the kind of move I would pull and have pulled (its never worked and my intentions were to get her back.)

[Wakeup]

exactly.. hes got ulterior motives.. thats the kind of move I would pull and have pulled (its never worked and my intentions were to get her back.)

His intentions are to keep her hooked. He does NOT WANT HER BACK. Theres the difference.

I told him I was moving on so he could get scared of losing me, not just give up!..

You're just as ****ing manipulative as he is. Grow up and learn who values you and who does not. Learn to communicate so you get what you want and if your direct words don't get you what you want then learn to let go and try again with someone who actually wants you the same way you want them.

[pickling]

Honestly, you are just as much of a jerk as you claim anyone else is. I posted for advice or a different point of view, and while I appreciate your stance on my situation, you do not need to be so hostile about it. People in this forum are here because they are heartbroken or looking for an outlet, not to be kicked! I don't need you to talk to me as if I am an idiot, if you have ever been in a difficult break up, then I would hope you would have the understanding that when you care about someone it is hard to sometimes see the bigger picture. I just needed someone to help me out of this clouded state, not to badmouth me.

[Wakeup]

Honestly, you are just as much of a jerk as you claim anyone else is. I posted for advice or a different point of view, and while I appreciate your stance on my situation, you do not need to be so hostile about it. People in this forum are here because they are heartbroken or looking for an outlet, not to be kicked! I don't need you to talk to me as if I am an idiot, if you have ever been in a difficult break up, then I would hope you would have the understanding that when you care about someone it is hard to sometimes see the bigger picture. I just needed someone to help me out of this clouded state, not to badmouth me.

If you were mature you'd see that my words are to help you. You don't need mollycoddling right now.. You need a kick in the ass to make you see the way you both play games with one another and that what you shared with this man was not love but him playing you and you still allow him to play you. Block and delete him and stop manipulating people in your life to get what you want. Direct communication will get you what you want. Manipulation will get you something you want for a short term and then the same ugly shit will rear it's head again because nothing has changed in the person you manipulated.

You were being manipulative when you didn't want to break up with him but you did in hopes that it would somehow make him do what you have yet been able to make him do. That be... love you the way you want him to love you. Truth!

[DarkHelmet82]

picking while wakeup may seem a bit harsh.. she has NEVER given bad advice.. i would listen to her... other people not so much but I have never seen her really say anything but the truth. And i know what you may be going through.. you only want to hear what you want to hear.. if that makes sense.. sometimes you need to do the opposite because you are not unbiased in how you feel while we are!

[blmg911]

I'm with you pickling; everyone's advice here seems to hypocritical you say her Ex is trying to manipulate he; yet your all giving a very bias opinion; My advice to you pickling is to make him sweat do not response to this straight away as it will only make him feel asif he has succeed in what he wrong; You still obviously need time alone in this time you need to think what YOU truly want and then come up with a plan on how to Make Up with your EX if you choose to do so if you don't you need to make a plan to get closure and move on.

If you need more advice just PM me.

Good Luck with everything.

[DarkHelmet82]

I'm with you pickling; everyone's advice here seems to hypocritical you say her Ex is trying to manipulate he; yet your all giving a very bias opinion; My advice to you pickling is to make him sweat do not response to this straight away as it will only make him feel asif he has succeed in what he wrong; You still obviously need time alone in this time you need to think what YOU truly want and then come up with a plan on how to Make Up with your EX if you choose to do so if you don't you need to make a plan to get closure and move on.

If you need more advice just PM me.

Good Luck with everything.

we are hypocritical because i dont think its possible to take your own advice becasue you are too involved

[blmg911]

yeah hes trying to get you back... thats something I would write.. his intentions are to get you back even if he says otherwise.

like quoted above you only state that it's something you would write; it's not very helpful at all tbh; sorry to say. Yes but it's also hard to take other peoples advice when its just opinions you hardly give advice you just stated points and negative points as it seems.

[FeelingCalledL]

Hi there.

The good news is that it is clear from his letter that he still wants you.

The bad news are that it doesnt seem that you two guys should ever be together. You just don't seem to get along with eachother.

I know a breakup can hurt like shot. Bit try to live day by day and I am sure you will soon find somebody that you will be happy with.

Regarding "I told him I was moving on to scare him". I wouldn't do it in the future. If he really needs you to do this in order to want you the he is not worth it. I know there are people outthere that love games, and if you just open up your heart they don't appreciate it. So playing games with them is very tempting. But you know what? If they can't appreciate openness then they can go and screw themselves.

But I think that if you still want him, you can still have him.

Good luck girl!!

PS: just ignore anyone in the forum and general in the Internet that treats you harsh and without respect and kindness. People can be quite a jerks some times. Don't let them spoil yourday. :-)))

[DarkHelmet82]

like quoted above you only state that it's something you would write; it's not very helpful at all tbh; sorry to say. Yes but it's also hard to take other peoples advice when its just opinions you hardly give advice you just stated points and negative points as it seems.

Its the truth man.. im not gonna sugar coat it.

[blmg911]

Its the truth man.. im not gonna sugar coat it.

Yeah so thats your opinion, but you could atleast state that its all an opinion or maybe not be as bias. This girl is obviously looking for help and advice and doesn't sometimes people don't need to be so blunt it just scares people to bother asking again or seeking more advice.