A lot confused...please help

[donkatiddy]

Not sure where I should have posted this, sorry!

Ok, so my wife and I have been married 7 years now, we have 2 kids. We have had our share of issues. 2 1/2 years ago, I left her and we split. I was not the best husband. I was not ready to be both a dad and a husband and I screwed up. I was an a**...I left her for another woman. That relationship did not work out and we ended up reconciling last year. Since then, I have been a saint...finally ready to be her everything.

Recently she went to visit a male friend in Chicago. She says they are just friends but while there, she did not respond to any of my calls of texts. She returned...told me she did that on purpose to show me how it felt. She says she didn't cheat...I feel emotional cheating is no different than physical cheating. She is saying that she is having a really hard time getting over what I did in the past. I understand that...I do but right after we split, she was involved in a relationship herself and didnt seem to have an issue getting over it and what I had done then.

I am lost, lately she has been distant and says she doesn't feel close to me. I know there is no time frame to get over things and forgive and move on but I feel as if she is not trying very hard to get over it and why now....after we have been back together for over a year now.

Any insight/advice/help would be appreciated....I am going nuts over here...hate this feeling I have

[Faerie]

I feel for you.

It can be really difficult when you love someone but they are distant. I know because it has happened to me.

It might seem hopeless now but I would try to not let it get to you. If you show her how important she is to you know and you continue to be a good father and husband then I think things should start to come back.

What she did to you when she visited her friend was not a nice thing to do, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. Women do crazy things when they are angry (I know because I am one)

Sorry I couldn't give you any better advice and I hope everything works out for you!

[donkatiddy]

Thank you for your words. It is a very difficult time and I am trying to not let it get the best of me. I am trying to be myself with my kids and her but it is not easy. Hopefully with time things will get back to normal. Hope your situation turned out ok for you when you went through the distance.

Thanks again

[devonbrown]

I understand that...I do but right after we split, she was involved in a relationship herself and didnt seem to have an issue getting over it and what I had done then.

The other relationship wasn't with you. It is a trust issue with you. Since you two decided you wanted to reconcile, you will need to continue to work on it. For the rest of your relationship.

I would suggest seeing a couple's counselor. Even if she is not cheating (emotionally or otherwise), it is not fair to be playing games and trying to get revenge by having you feel what she felt.

Work together on this in a mature manner. And that might involve outside assistance.

Good luck.

[donkatiddy]

Thanks Devon. I hadn't thought of it that way that the issue is with trusting me. This means everything to me and I know we have to work together, be mature and look for outside help. Counseling is something we want to do and plan on it. I am hoping with time and seeking help, it works out. Thanks again

[HeartIsAching]

The other relationship wasn't with you. It is a trust issue with you. Since you two decided you wanted to reconcile, you will need to continue to work on it. For the rest of your relationship.

I would suggest seeing a couple's counselor. Even if she is not cheating (emotionally or otherwise), it is not fair to be playing games and trying to get revenge by having you feel what she felt.

Work together on this in a mature manner. And that might involve outside assistance.

Good luck.

DING DING DING! We have a winnah!

Devon nailed it.

The lack of texts/calls while she was in Chigago stems from a false belief: "If someone hurts me, I have the right to hurt them back."

Her relationship right after you left probably was too.

Now, you've got some issues too, and Devon was entirely correct - you two need counseling. Both individually and together.

[donkatiddy]

Thanks HeartIsAching. It is true and I am all for counseling to open up our communication and get on track with it all. We do plan on it...at some point. I do not deny at all that I messed up, have issues and made mistakes. I am trying and have been trying to SHOW her that I want her and only her. It's just a really difficult time and I want things to be better..I want my wife back. Thanks for the words and input