The thing about this is that NOBODY understands how i feel as much as they say they do and I cant even help myself how can i expect other people too.
You'd be surprised DH. It is the human condition after all.
You're struggling to move on because you identify with these feelings and have attached yourself to them. Without them you feel you will be left with nothing. This is giving your mind something to do, to dwell upon, and without these thoughts, then what?
There are going to be many bad days, but there will be some good too. When you have a good day identify what it is inside you that is making you feel good. Hang on to that feeling for as long as possible. When you have a bad day, identify what it is that is making it bad. Get to know the way your mind is working. You will realise these are just THOUGHTS. You don't own them. Treat them as a friend. Bad or good. Make them a cup of tea and say 'hello boredom how are you?' And then wait for him to leave. It sounds silly but you need to start recognising your states of mind deeply. Find out WHAT it is that is actually causing you to feel this way. And give the meds time. Be PATIENT with yourself. Mostly, forgive whoever has hurt you and forgive yourself.
And seriously, try and get out there and get involved in some sort of community charity work or social work. I can assure you once the focus is off yourself you will start to feel better. You will also understand every single person has mental struggles in some way or another and you will feel less alone.
Some people are drains and some are radiators... Keep clear of the drains and hug the radiators!