Completely and utterly heartbroken and I don't know what to do

[CMNC]

This is going to be a long one. So if you take the time to read it and give your advice I want you to know how much it means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I met this boy back in december..well didn't actually "meet" him then. He looked familiar to me on facebook so I sent him a msg and from that started the most amazing whirlwind of love I had ever expierenced. I thought I had love someone before..but everything I had felt for him was a billion times more intense that with anyone else. He lived out of state..across the country actually so all we had was texting/phone calls. With this being said I felt like we connected on a whole different level and honestly it made me feel like he truely cared about me. I mean here's this gorgeous guy who has tons of girls chasing him and he's spending 16-18 hrs a day talking to me where all he had to gain from it was like an emotional high/connection. Anyways a few months passed of us just talking and getting to know each other we found out we had just about everything in common. From our music taste to our favorite holidays, and favorite pizza toppings. 2 months of us talking he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was the happiest I think I had ever been in my life. I felt special as well because he told me he had never had a girlfriend before..he went out with them, hooked up with them but never cared enough to I guess committ to any of them. So the fact he wanted to with me was like an honor basically.

He was the first one to say I love you..and he said it everyday after. Sometimes more than once a day. It was...such an amazing feeling. He would tell me things like "I've been so much happier since you've come into my life" "I couldn't imagine not having you around" "I'm never gunna let you go". And I believed it all. I had so much trust and faith in someone...and I never even met them. Now looking back I see mistakes in our relationship but in the moment everything just felt so right..like a fairtytale almost.

We dated for four months before I finally got to see him in person. And that moment where I seen him at the airport and hugged him...I will never forget. It was like magic. He held my hand all the way to his car and though I felt comfortable and right with him I was still super nervous on the inside. I was worried I was gunna mess it up somehow. As soon as we got back to his apartment sorry if this is tmi but we had all kinds of sexual fustrations built up from all those months of not even being able to kiss..that we kinda jumped right into bed. We ended the night curled up on his couch drinking wine and watching a movie. Those moments were perfect. And I was super excited because I was worried he wasn't going to feel the same for me in person, that maybe I wouldn't be as pretty as my pictures etc but he was all lovey dovey and I was so happy to be there with him finally. We didn't really spend too much time one on one though. Which disappointed me. But I got to meet his whole family, we ate dinner there just about every night, I spent two days with his mom, went out with his friends etc, so it was nice but still I was expecting us to spend more time together just us two. But I figured next time ya know. The day I left he took me to the airport, kissed me and told me he loved me and left. 6 mins later he sent me a txt with a frowny face and told me to text him when I landed.

I did. But I felt something different when I was texting him..like the texts were short and not how they normally were. Two days after I got home he broke up with me. He said he didn't feel like our personailties matched at all and he just "wasn't feeling it". Worst pain I have every expierenced. And still to this day 3 months later I am still expierencing it. He said he wanted to keep in contact so we did. At first it was little to no contact at all. Everytime I'd text him he just didn't seem like he wanted to talk so eventually I just stopped. Then he started reaching out a little more and thats when the mixed signals began. He'd get upset over silly things I posted on facebook having to do with guys, he'd ask me if I was interested/had been with anyone since I left, he told me he wanted to be with me..then that he didn't. The he did again but he couldn't let himself go through the disappointment again. This was last month. About two weeks ago he told me he wanted me to come visit him in October, how he wanted to see me because he missed me and really wanted to hang out with me. All this..I took as signs that he wanted to maybe see if we could get back together. I was wrong. He was talking to me about some girl he was eyeballing at this club he bounced at and I got jealous and told him I really didn't want to hear it. His response to that was "I don't get how you still have feelings for me like that..it's been 3 months" I was like ouch. I asked if he had any feelings for me like that and he said no. He cared about me as a friend but that was it. He talked himself out of us being in a realtionship because we lived in different states and he said he didn't feel like there was a "wow" factor with me. Ouch again.

It finally hit me that me wishing and hoping that we will get back together just was torturing me you know? So I decided ok..we can just be friends. I can handle that. Two days ago we were texting and our convo was going good. We were joking around and he said something mean but added a winky face so playfully I sent a text back that said " Psh f*** your winky face. Cuts deep huh? lol" In to which he replied "Pshh I fu**** 3 girls since you've left. Cuts deep huh?" I figure he was just kidding because he told me before he hadn't been with anyone so I was just like "not even" and he said "well fine..but it's true" then I told him to go call one of em up cause he said he was lonely and he was like good idea. I waited like 10 mins and didn't hear from him so I was like "I'm going to bed. You can text me tomorrow if you want" he said "no. i don't wanna text you tomorrow, the day after, the day after that etc" I asked him why he was being so mean and he said because he was fustrated because I had lied to him since the beginning of our relationship and he had to find out from one of my "close" friends about all the guys in my life.

I have only ever been with 3 guys (him included) and I already told him this when I was visiting him and for some reason he found it hard to believe. Idk if it had something to do with the fact that I was the 24th girl(yes that's his real number) he had slept with or what but he didn't believe it. Anyways back to our convo. He told me all he wanted was honesty and I had one chance to give it to him..if I did he'd be happy if not he'd be gone and out of my life for good. So I told him the truth..I said "I have only been with 3 guys you included. And if you're gunna believe someone you don't even know over me than that's messed up". He never sent me a text back. I msged him a long msg on facebook basically saying how much I care about him and how I would never lie to him. I told him if he really didn't believe me and didn't wanna be in my life than he didn't have to reply. He hasn't. And I know he got the message because he updated some post on facebook last night.

Now that you know everything about the relationship and what I've been dealing with I could really use some advice on what to do. I mean obviously the contact has stopped since he hasn't responded to anything but I miss him..I know that I shouldn't but I do. I don't know how to move on from him. I really thought he was the one. He's in my head 24/7 and it leaves this empty sick feeling in my stomach. I don't feel whole. And I hate thinking that he reason he's not in my life is over some stupid lie someone told. And I hate thinking about how he must feel if he really thinks I lied to him. And I hate that I still love him.

He still has this unbelievable hold on me. I keep thinking well maybe all this was just a lie. He did to me it seems exactly what he did to the other girls. He thought he was interested until we had sex and then he was like "oh no I'm just not feeling in". I keep thinking what if all this was just to see if he could actually get me to fly all the way over there just for him and then for him just to hook up with me. Like I was just some long distant booty call. That kills me. But so does thinking that all we had was real and it's just not there anymore. From what I've told you guys what does it sound like to you? And please be honest. My hearts already broken so I doubt anything anyone could say could break it anymore.

And if you guys could let me know what I should do from here on out to get over him..to forget him. I would definitely appreciate it.

[Enchanté]

wow. that's an intense situation, mate. I haven't ever experienced anything like this--but from reading this I'm thinking your best bet is to just let it go and move on. I know i know, that's probably the answer you already know, but you're hoping someone will tell you something else, something a little more hopeful and cheery. But honestly, it clearly just isn't working out. Dwelling on the possibilities of what could have happened or why it happened will just torture you and keep you miserable longer. But with that said, don't feel like you have to get over it and not miss him right away. Let yourself feel the pain, the hurt, confusion, etc. You're not going to heal instantaneously--it's going to take some time. And everyone here preaches no contact for a reason; because generally speaking, it really helps. It's hard and all you want to do is hear from that person, talk to them, see what they're doing on facebook, but it'll only make you feel worse that you can't change anything. Start slow, don't text him or call him, and don't check his facebook page. If he keeps contacting you, tell him to stop, that you need space and to not hear from him right now. You deserve better. And you might know that, but you still want him. I get that, but focus on the fact that one day you'll be ok, and you need to start progressing towards that step. Best of luck to you, keep strong

[CMNC]

Thank you for replying. I appreciate it so much. I honestly just feel so lost right now that I don't even know how to progress forward. I feel like I'm just stuck. I feel weak and I wanna talk to him so bad but I'm not going to. In my msg I sent him I told him if he wanted me in his life to respond and since he didn't then I'm definitely not going to send him anything else. It just hurts to think that maybe I meant so little to him when still after all he's put me through I'm in love with him and can't picture life without him right now. It's embarassing to say..makes me feel pathetic but it is what it is I guess.

[Enchanté]

Of course it hurts--you invest yourself completely and fully to someone, you let them know all your insecurities as well as strengths, and having known your full picture, they turned you down. And that is incredibly painful--to strip yourself bare in front of someone just to have them ultimately say no, especially since at one point they wanted you and only you. I understand that completely, as I still battle with that pain every day, but you just have to keep moving forward. It may feel like time is barely moving forward, and each day seems like another hardship to just get through, but it will eventually get better. You have to cling to that hope or else you'll just drag yourself further down. It's near impossible not to dwell on what he's thinking or feeling,but you have to force your mind away from that. You can't change what's happened or what he's feeling, but you can slowly begin to change how you feel about yourself. You'll make it through.