ex-friends.

[misombra]

so an ex-friend of mine is having a baby soon with a real scumbag of a guy. she turned into a real POS toward the end as soon as she started dating this guy.

i'm sad because i miss my friend. the old her. i was close with her whole family.

have you had experiences where you sent somebody packing out of your life but feel bad and miss them?

[vashti]

I feel bad about losing contact with certain people, but the ones I have sent packing? No. I usually put up with way too much bullshit before that happens, and am glad to see them gone.

Have you maintained contact with her family at all?

[misombra]

I haven't been in touch with her family so much. I would like to but don't know that its appropriate.

I put up with so much bullshit but I haven't spoken to her in so long I've kinda forgotten what it was like. She tried to contact me about a month ago but I didn't respond. She is due on Sunday and id like to be there for her but there's just so much baggage. The babys father is a real piece of work. her being with him has ruined our relationship. She's having his baby so he's not going anywhere anytime soon. I miss my friend and wish he would disappear so we can try to work things out. I wrefuse to have anything to do with her while he's in her life. He's a safety risk for me and my family.

[doppelgaenger]

My best friend from high school. He was always at risk for failure, and instead of applying for building trades at a tech school, he went into construction as an apprentice. It was all downhill from there. A few years ago he was in a rut with financial problems and he begged me to take him in. He offered to pay my roommates and I. He come home from construction really dirty and made a pigsty of our apartment, no exaggerations. Then, he'd come back in the middle of the night from the bars when everybody was sleeping, banging on doors and windows to get in. I had to confront him about it, and it didn't go very well. A few days later, he packed up his shit and left when nobody was around. We haven't spoken since, and he never paid us, even though he was there for about a month.

I knew his family real well, too. Every now and then, I hear rumors that he's got a girlfriend with a kid. That scares the shit out of me, considering how he hoards and all. He's an alcoholic as well.

[vashti]

I haven't been in touch with her family so much. I would like to but don't know that its appropriate.

I put up with so much bullshit but I haven't spoken to her in so long I've kinda forgotten what it was like. She tried to contact me about a month ago but I didn't respond. She is due on Sunday and id like to be there for her but there's just so much baggage. The babys father is a real piece of work. her being with him has ruined our relationship. She's having his baby so he's not going anywhere anytime soon. I miss my friend and wish he would disappear so we can try to work things out. I wrefuse to have anything to do with her while he's in her life. He's a safety risk for me and my family.

I know it sucks, but I think you are handling this properly. (Is this the friend we spoke about when I visited you?)

BTW - how was your vacation? I'd love to see pics... you should stop your facebook boycott long enough to post photos.

[DannyH]

Had it happen once and I told her he was an ass. 6 months later she called me up and apologized. Still kept in contact with her family though wasn't gonna lose them esp her grandmother man she made some great sauce and meatballs.

[misombra]

Vashh I'll send you some pics in the email when I get them uploaded.

This is the same person I told you about. I texted her to wish her good luck and to see if she needed anything. She said she has very little. Its sad because I got a million gifts for my baby shower and people still get her things. I haven't had to buy any clothes people have been generous to me. Id like to help her but its her shitty decisions that have her in this bind. I hate that an innocent child is going to suffer right along with her.

[IndiReloaded]

A friend of mine years ago rented out a place of ours and didn't keep up w/the bills. We are still friends, so I guess I handled it skillfully enough (I was incredibly uncomfortable, tho) but I told her clearly she needed to sort herself out and pay those bills. She did, then moved out.

My lesson from that was never to get into a similar position with a family or friend, tho.

As others have said, tho, I also think you are handling things well. Yours comes first, you know my opinion on this already.

[sadie_genie]

I only had one friend who I had to get rid of in my life. That is after almost a decade of tolerating her bullshit and I realized she is never going to change.

[Mish]

have you had experiences where you sent somebody packing out of your life but feel bad and miss them?

Yeh, the friend I posted about before, I cut him off because of his succubus girlfriend (the one who lived in our place rent free) who would humiliate him in front of his friends. There's not much you can do, what benefit do you get from being around people with toxic relationships? You don't owe them anything.