Alright so basically all this happened when I was still in a "player stage" since all of this has happened I have realized that this is the girl I want to be with and do her right, like I should have done the whole. Right now I have a reputation as a pretty shitty boyfriend, and every girl says I will never be able to stay with one girl. But this one is changing me and I feel for her in a way I have never felt for anyone my whole life. But I feel like I might have ****ed up to the point of no return the only thing I think may be in my advantage is she finds very very few guys that connect with her. She is always defensive every time I try to talk to her aswell. But anyways here is the story.
So I was with a girl for almost a year that I really do care about. During the relationships I made a lot of mistakes, I cheated on her with her friend that she was always scared I would cheat on her with. She thinks I used her for a place to stay and money which in a way it looks like that on the surface but wasan't my intentions. She took me back for the 4th time last month and I cheated again when she was in South Africa. I have no idea why I keep making these mistakes. But my heart is in the right place now and I try to contact her and all she does is yell at me, call me a pig her mom calls me and tells me she can tell she still loves me and I just need to prove through actions this time that things will be different. During our relationship I borrowed money and her mom says that that would be a good first step to actually doing something for once to show her that I really do care. All she does is yell at me and disrespect me and I guess in a way I deserve it for all that I have done. But I truly want to be with her and when she yells on the phone I ask her " If you really want me gone for good just tell me now and I will pay you back what I owe you and leave" she doesn't give a yes or no she just completely avoids the question entirely and I have asked her it multiple times. I guess I am confused, is she waiting for me to actually come through and show actions that I do care and keeping herself distant until I do that? Or does she really not give a damn?