Strong Attraction to Mother inlaw that I don't want

[USMC84]

I have a real issue, I love my wife dearly and I would never do anything to hurt her. But a lot of times i find myself thinking about her Mother who i've had a strong attraction to since we've met. These thoughts are unwanted and I feel horribly guilty for thinking them. I'm confused because I'm happily married too, my wife is a beautiful person inside and out. I'm not a dirtbag who would have sex with his MIL if he had the chance, I'm just desperately trying to make these feelings go away because they are really affecting me in a negative way.

Thanks

[surfhb]

Dude....you're human....relax. I sometimes think about banging my GFs sister but I would never act on it.

[Wakeup]

The very implications and complications and consequences to your actions that you would face if you were to act on your attraction should be enough for you to look at her in a different light. We're all human and just because we are in a monogamous, committed relationship it doesn't mean our attraction to others will automatically cease to function. It's up to us as evolved human beings to be able to direct our thoughts away from inappropriate longings.

Say 15 hail Marys and volunteer at your local food bank for penance

[steviej]

Just don't call your wife by her mothers name the next time you're banging away :p

[mwahahaha]

pics or no advice

[deeblondie82]

You need to find a hobby or do something else and only think of your wife. It is tough to say but you need to figure a way to get her mom out of your head or it could get dangerous

[kageri]

The thought that a partner's parent is about 20 years older than them and probably that much older than me would be enough to solve that problem for me.

[IncognitoSir]

The thought that a partner's parent is about 20 years older than them and probably that much older than me would be enough to solve that problem for me.

How does that help him though, clearly age has NO bearing on his attraction to his mother-in-law. Like others have said, I thin anyone could be attracted to just about anyone else, but it's the discipline and dedication to your marriage that keeps you in check. If you sit around fantasizing about her, then STOP. Feel your self drifting toward thoughts of her, GET BUSY. DOn't hang out with her alone or put yourself in any compromising situations. And when I say "compromising" I mean in a position that might pro long or instigate this attraction any further. Understandably, I'm sure a lot of these situations just can't be avoided, after all this is your mothers wife, kids grandmother. All you can do is try and NEVER act on these thoughts. I think you'll be fine once you can stop thinking about it so much.

[USMC84]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'll try my best to block out these thoughts. I just want to love my MIL as a mother figure and nothing more.

[devonbrown]

I am wondering if your MIL has done anything to bring about these thoughts? For example, does she dress provocatively or flirt with you? If so, you can ask her or ask your wife to ask her to stop doing those things.

If it is just that you are physically attracted to her, don't worry about it too much. You are physically attracted to your wife and simple genetics would explain why you would find her mother attractive. If the thought pops into your head, acknowledge it (or else it will continue to bother you), understand it, and move on to other thoughts. Don't let those thoughts stick around in your head. If they pop in, just pop them back out and keep going on with your day. And definitely make sure no actions come from this. And think about this - your wife will probably look like her in another 20-30 years. So that is something to look forward to.


Good luck.

[USMC84]

I am wondering if your MIL has done anything to bring about these thoughts? For example, does she dress provocatively or flirt with you? If so, you can ask her or ask your wife to ask her to stop doing those things.

If it is just that you are physically attracted to her, don't worry about it too much. You are physically attracted to your wife and simple genetics would explain why you would find her mother attractive. If the thought pops into your head, acknowledge it (or else it will continue to bother you), understand it, and move on to other thoughts. Don't let those thoughts stick around in your head. If they pop in, just pop them back out and keep going on with your day. And definitely make sure no actions come from this. And think about this - your wife will probably look like her in another 20-30 years. So that is something to look forward to.


Good luck.

Thanks for the reply. No my MIL has never done anything to bring about these thoughts, she loves me like she does her own children. And i love her as a mother, i can talk to her about things and we get along great. She's never flirted with me or anything. My attraction to her is partly physical but i love her personality as well. She's very sarcastic but sweet at the same time, it's very sexy. A lot of times, i wish she was ugly or mean so i wouldn't have these feelings. lol