A Bunch of CRAP I am dealing with.

[rawfan1989]

Okay here is a cheesy way, but only way I know how to explain myself.

The Situation: I am hurt because of a few things. I am not materialistic kind of person, but the things I want can not be bought or else I would have been saving for a long time. The thing I long for is for my dream girl/woman call it what you want. But I have a few problems that I am working harder than ever in resolving but in this dark tunnel, so far, I see no light. They are listed as follows.

1. It seems that I don't fit in with anyone, I tried getting out of my comfort zone by not keeping to myself but that went to no avail. I know for a fact that a vast majority of relationships are started by people having a deep social history with one another in which I really do not have with anyone.
2. I don't think I am good at anything, the only thing I am good at is writing a history paper and I really don't enjoy it. Plus, that includes I can't even dance, sing and/or play any instruments but the radio. I am not good at sports either. I don't have many hobbies because I am by myself almost all of the time and I usually don't enjoy things when I am by myself. I know girls want someone exciting and not so boring. I think the problem is I never around anyone so I try to entertain myself.
3. I am kind of disappointed with how some things are with me physically, I am 5'9'' and about 180lbs. and most guys my age that I know are well above six foot tall and when I was growing up I wish that I too could be big when I got older like 6'0'' or taller.
4. In the past several girls would often snarl the noses at me when someone mentioned the word dating and my name in the same sentence.
5. I got self esteem issues because of this crap.
6. I am unemployed at the moment and I have tried seeking employment. I don't thank the good ones (women) find an unemployed man attractive and I don't think it is right for a man to have a sugar mama that is real pig like. Plus, I was not born in a wealthy family. I have been going to school full time.
7. I really don't want to date a mom because I rather have someone without those responsibilities and especially if there is nasty ex thing going on. But I might consider it, I don't know.
8. I am a virgin male. Most people view that as weakness. I was offered it twice but refused because one creep-ed me out and the other was a hoe. I am 22 now in college, I don't seem to appeal to anyone. I think it has something to do with my overall size, reread number three. I was not popular. I would like a virgin female, but I realize the chances of that happening is very small.

What really gets me depressed is that my younger brother has no problem fitting in with people, getting social invites or being appealing to women. He is a 17 year old jock and he is good at sports and catches on to things a heck of a lot quicker than me. Just this week he two girls over to the house one on one day and the other one on the other day. The second girl he brought over is one of the prettiest girls I ever saw, she has a good personality and she is a devout Christian and does not act like trash outside of church and invites my brother to this church social and really wanted him to go. I was just thanking to myself I wish I had that but I was kind of choked up about it. My brother has always (about 98% of the time) had it easier than me when it comes to living life. Anytime he has issues there is always a friend at his beck and call. When I had issues I had to depend on myself for alot of it. I just feel lonely and like nights like this I can not even sleep. My grandfather at my little cousins birthday when my brother brings this girlfriend and looks at me said why can't u be like your brother and look at all of the fun he is having. I was hurt. I am not jealous or anything like that but I want to have equality in both of us. I happy for him. But I am not so happy for me in my situations. I just want to be appealing with me being me and not someone else. People tell me that I will find the right one and I have to wait but I do not want to wait until I am about 40 that means I could have spent 15 years to that point with that certain one. I want to be young and experience love and all that, but I am 22 and have not dated not one time in 7 years. I just can not see the hope like I did a while ago with this mess. And now I have to be in my cousins wedding and she is kind of like a show-off. I don't know what to do. I just can not see the point in trying to live good if I can't get nothing good in return. As of right now I hate my life. I have not found much peace in hardly anything.

[pisces25]

You have two choices. Deal with it or change it.

If you choose the latter start by working on your self-esteem and confidence. Everything else will go from there.

[Agent85]

Dude, fix your personal life first. No woman in her right mind will date you in your current situation. That's a hard fact you need to learn right now. Why are you so surprised and upset that your being rejected? Duh... Quit comparing yourself to other people. Different folks, different strokes. Who gives a damn if your still rocking the "V" card. Good for you. There are virgin females out there, by the way, but they are just not going to come out and say it. Sex just adds emotional baggage to a relationship and it bites you in the ass when the relationship is terminated. You need to be in a different environment or need professional help/medications. The only person you should blame is yourself right now. You live in a free country and have choices, yet you choose nothing. I don't feel sorry for you, not one bit. Sorry, if that's what your looking for. As a fellow man, I'm being honest and I want to see you exceed in life. You have to get some help, get some self esteem, more confidence, and a job for starters. I didnt come from a wealthy family either, you know what most of us didn't come from wealthy families, so that's crap for you to bring that up. Like someone else said, I cant grow balls for you, all I can do is give you advise. Why don't you go hang our with your brother and be more social and quit worrying so much. You have some free time to be social due to being unemployed. Just talk to people and don't get too personal about your life. You need to have some fun. You don't have to go to the bar to achieve this. Women is the last thing you need to worry about. If you have urges, just beat off. I hope things work our for you in the end, but its going to take alot more effort on your part to make changes in your life. Its all up to you, your the only one who can do something with your life. Good Luck. Your going to need it. If I didnt care about you then I wouldn't just spoken my mind. I just call it, how I see it. Also at one time, I was in your position too, minus the virgin part.

[devonbrown]

I want to ask if you have looked into counseling? It sounds like it may do you some good actually. Having someone to talk to about your concerns with yourself would be a good thing.

I agree that you should not compare yourself to other people. That is pointless to do.

Don't even think about dating at the moment. I understand that you are lonely, but try to find a way to be happy with yourself first. Once you learn to like yourself, others will follow suit.

Again, I would suggest counseling. Your college may have services available.

Good luck.