flirting just to flirt

[bluiz]

Guys I am incredibly confused! I need a man's point of view of why this is happening and what I should do!? My boyfriend and I are in a 6yr very close, loving relationship, we rarely argue. Without all the gory detail let's just say we've been through hell and back, but we've done it together. When I say hell and back I mean just bad circumstances not relationship issues.

Anyway, we have lived together almost 6 yrs, I am 40 and him 39. He is incredibly handsome and believe me many notice. TOO MANY. He is a Chef in a high end restaurant and works with a lot of young good-looking girls. Well, here's the issue, I found some text messages from 3 different girls. All of them begging to be him, he is very flirtatious in the texts, calling one girl "hunny bunny" and "babe" in another a waitress says "I dropped that entree, I'm so sorry what can I do to make it up" and he replies with "hmmmmmm?" BUT in all the messages the girls go on to say "Why won't you be with me, I cant believe you've turned me down", "The offer is still standing if you ever change your mind" and "I been waiting on your friend to come around but if I can mess with you that would be better, but you're breaking my heart".

In a nutshell, he is flirting just to get a response then turns them down. WTF? Hell I am still looking pretty good myself but well.....I'm 40, these girls are in their 20's, that doesn't help my esteem much and although there doesn't seem to be any cheating, I am still incredibly hurt.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and any input why he would do this. This is the same man that always comes home early from rare guy's nights out and says I would rather just watch a movie with you, the same man that is ALWAYS there is a flash to make me fell better when I am having a bad day.

[mwahahaha]

You "found some txt messages" ? no shit sherlock. seek and you will find.

He sounds like one lucky mofo to me, 40 and still getting birds in their 20s?

My advice, ditch, playstation, recover, get a new less pretty bf. hope this helps

[bluiz]

ok ok ok....I know, he left his old phone laying around and my curiosity got the best of me. I normally would be the 1st to say "if you are looking for something hard enough you will find it" but this isn't your typical guy that 'says' all the right things; he DOES all the right things except of course this. I may or may not take your playstation advice but I am really looking for some input on what you men think is going on in his head.

[redmagnum]

It's hard to say.........as a man, let me put myself in your shoes...........if I had a very attractive girlfreind and guys were flirting with her, but she didn't respond to it I'd be fine with it.

Now, if I found out she was encouraging this flirtation and actually giving it back, I would be enraged...........

The fact is clear that your 39 year old boyfreind likes the attention from the younger girls, and trust me, there are plenty of young girls out there who have a "thing" for older attractive guys.....the real issue is........is he ACTING on these flirtations, or is he just "teasing" these girls?

If I were you, it would be time for a serious conversation...........sure, you "poked around" in his phone, but it doesn't change the fact that he's playing with fire with these girls............also, has this idiot ever heard of the delete button?!?!?

[Mathias]

So he got tempted by 20 year olds and just flat out rejected them?

Seems like a keeper to me. Live in the real world. Dude's going to flirt, and he's obviously a huge catch. He's resisted.

Be happy.

[vashti]

Stiletto heels are beautiful to look at, but cause long-term damage and deformities to the foot; so can some men simply enjoy the flirting with young girls while understanding what the downfalls would be in actually dating one. Granted, these types of men tend to be rare, but it seems as though you may have found one.

I don't know that I would say anything about your snooping if you are convinced he isn't acting on these offers. His carelessness and lack of discretion regarding his phone messages may work in your favor some day. Maybe you should think very carefully before confronting him about this, since you know he isn't acting upon these offers?

[DannyH]

I am a huge flirt like that I flirt with women because when they feel good guess what you get better service from waitresses and what not besides its fun. I never flirt over text messages though and no matter how long we've been together I will always make sure my girl gets the most attention.

[MichealFiore]

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[JLee75]

Sounds to me like you really don't need to worry. He flirts but doesn't act on it, he comes home early when out with the guys. Some guys just like the attention that trivial flirting brings.

[lahnnabell]

I've been in your shoes once or twice. I went digging and found stuff I didn't like. Know what I didn't do? I didn't confront him. I knew that those conversations weren't for me to see, and that's the whole point. Of course, I didn't like what he was saying to these other females, but I considered that my punishment for snooping like I did. And I never used any of the stuff I'd found in an argument or attempted to accuse him of anything. It made me wary of his behavior with other females, sure. If I ever did notice inappropriate behavior, I always made sure to call him on it, but I never used the evidence of his flirting as ammo for my argument.

It is flirting. I flirt too, but I always hold to the notion that you should never put anything out into the universe (especially the internet) without assuming that anyone can read it. Even a private message. Saves you a lot of trouble. But I find men are just don't uphold that kind of discretion.

Do you really think that if you confront him that it will put a stop to it? Most likely he'll just stop leaving his phone lying around or he'll leave it on lock and he'll change all his passwords. That is if he doesn't decide to cut his losses and break up with his distrusting girlfriend.

Understand that his flirtation is not a reflection of you being a bad girlfriend or not being good-looking enough. It's a personal ego boost because who doesn't love to know that they've got it goin' on? If you do decide to confront him, don't go crazy. Calmly sit down with him and admit to what you did. Apologize for invading his privacy, and explain what you found and how it made you feel. Don't accuse him of anything. It'll only put him in a defensive state and you won't get anywhere.

[redmagnum]

Men need their ego stroked as much as women do..........I'm not the handsomest guy on Earth but I'm above average looking, with a decent body and women tend to at think I'm "pretty good looking", and I never get tired of hearing SOME kind of compliments from women.

Flirting is harmless.........it's a human need, a need to feel sexually desired. What man hasn't felt a kind of "high" from an attractive woman checking him out, or flirting........it's a connection, even if it lasts for a few seconds, minutes, whatever........

[meatbomb]

ego stroking for sure. He keeps the messages to re-read and get a boost - he may be daft, but as long as you're sure that him putting himself 'out there' will NEVER lead to anything you're fine.

[iloveyouboth]

I agree with redmagnum. Some guys actually want attention. Not saying he's an attention whore or anything, but yeah, your man probably just likes the other females' flirting as a boost in confidence.

[JfnL]

Flirting is ok, but, the problem I have with your story is why do they have his cell number?
I will explain my outlook on flirting, I flirt with girls occasionally, never really expecting anything out of it, it's just good banter, good fun, because it makes you feel... 'wanted' in a sense and this is not to say that you are not suplimenting his needs, but, a guy will flirt, because, then he will always feel like "I still got it" it doesn't mean he is trying to hurt these women, they're just young and stupid (something else I understand FAR too well), the fact they know his number is what bothers me, if he is their boss and that's why they have it, then I'd say, it's all ok, but, otherwise, just tell him a girl from the resturaunt called the Home phone and said some pretty interesting things, only do this if you think there is a chance he may cheat, ONLY then will it be worth risking a fight over.