Where is this going?

[michael44]

My last post didnt receive any replies so I thought Id try a new thread and update things.

My girl tells me how she loves me to death, misses me and thinks of me, but expresses that the reasons she broke it off havent changed. These reasons include us arguing about trivial topics and her allowing herself to become so angry with me when I try to have a calm mature discussion about our disagreements rather than fight about them. After she broke it off, I did not contact her and she texted me a few days later saying "I dont like this "

We started talking on the phone again (we are in an LDR) for hours at a time about our lives and had great conversations like we usually do. However, we have not really talked about the text she sent or us at all. I recently asked her about the text and what she wanted to do about it. She became very defensive and brought up some of the recent arguments we had saying I push her buttons and drive her nuts sometimes.

Not long after that she called me again to ask what I was up to and again we just had a fun conversation.

My question is, where is this going?? Is this some attempt to keep me around even though we are not officially together? We have been seeing each other for almost two years and were official for over a year. I feel like at this point we are past this whole inbetween halfway stuff of talking and whatnot but not being "official." Maybe that sounds a bit feminine of me, but I just want some direction so that I know if I should continue to explore and enjoy our relationship or say goodbye?

Where is this going?? Any opinions are welcomed. Thanks.

[lahnnabell]

She's trying to ignore the real issues which include her not being able to talk about the truth about your relationship without her getting defensive. You guys haven't done any work on your issues and you'll be arguing again in no time.

[deepika_16]

Well, buddy girls are always girls. They will never tell you actually what do you need but it is you who should figure out the mystery. And that is called a <No links to spam sites are allowed in posts - Admin> mad for his girl. In fact, girls have lots of confusions in their mind and first you should have to clear those confusions. If you fail to do so, definitely you could not explore exactly what she wants from you. Be around her and try to know her heart. I think she is still missing you and want to be around you some times. Try to convert it into an opportunity and I am sure you will win her again. Best of Luck!!!

[HeartIsAching]

No, your relationship is not going anywhere.

It's a LDR, and she doesn't want to work out problems, she wants to deny and blame.

[michael44]

Thanks for the posts! I appreciate the insight.

At this point, I am starting to think that its a way to hold onto me without getting back together. Almost like a backup so that she doesnt have to feel alone until someone else comes along. We have had a long conversation about the status of our relationship almost a month ago and I made it very clear that we will never be only friends. Yet I think if I continue to allow these conversations (which are great and of course I really enjoy) to continue, it will only continue to be the way it is.

I agree with iahnnabell and heartisaching. She seems to avoid the issue as much as she can and when it comes up, gets defensive and blames me.

The question is what do I do about this?? Should I take a stand and tell her hey either we are together and solving these issues together so our relationship is better or we say our goodbyes? Should I do so gradually and just let her phone calls go or ignore her texts?

What should I do next??

Thanks

[michael44]

anyone have any suggestions??

[lahnnabell]

I think you should call her bluff. Say, "You need to stop blaming me and hiding behind defenses. We need to handle our issues or this is totally over and I won't be contacting you anymore." But I think you should really just call it quits.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you should call her bluff. Say, "You need to stop blaming me and hiding behind defenses. We need to handle our issues or this is totally over and I won't be contacting you anymore." But I think you should really just call it quits.

I sort of agree with this^. Basically you have 2 choices: what lahnna says, which is basically forcing her to step up and be a partner to your issues. Or you can pay her more attention (which is what she wants I think), solve your issues for her and be happy again (for a while until the next issue).

Whatever you do now will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you want/expect a partner then you must do the former. Expect to break up tho if she can't/won't meet you part way. It doesn't really sound as if the latter is an option for you (good for you). Mbe breaking up with you will cause her to grow up a bit. People get together to learn all sorts of lessons and mbe this is hers.

[HeartIsAching]

I sort of agree with this^. Basically you have 2 choices: what lahnna says, which is basically forcing her to step up and be a partner to your issues. Or you can pay her more attention (which is what she wants I think), solve your issues for her and be happy again (for a while until the next issue).

Whatever you do now will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you want/expect a partner then you must do the former. Expect to break up tho if she can't/won't meet you part way. It doesn't really sound as if the latter is an option for you (good for you). Mbe breaking up with you will cause her to grow up a bit. People get together to learn all sorts of lessons and mbe this is hers.

Yeah, you're right - I hadn't considered the attention-grabbing possibility, which does seem quite likely.

[michael44]

so i made the point that i want more of us and that i wouldn't settle for being optional. she replied by saying there was no other choice but to break up and she knows she made the "right choice"

she then proceeded to demand that i mail her key to her (thats fine i understand that) and then basically removed all the pictures of us on facebook.

what is the point of doing this?? I am proud of what we have built together and would never go out of my way to remove photos and try to erase it all.

are these just facebook games or is there more to this that Im just not seeing??

[IndiReloaded]

No. She just wasn't that into you in the end. Sorry but at least you have closure now. You did the right thing.

[michael44]

Not to be argumentative but my girl was very much into me. We were seeing each other for almost two years and together exclusively for a year. We were making plans for the future with living together, vacations, talking about getting married and kids too. We were both a huge intimate part of each other's lives.

I understand her reason for breaking it off. What I dont understand is the goofy facebook stuff. It seems like very emotional and irrational behavior to me. Why would someone do that??

What do you all think??

[IndiReloaded]

Not to be argumentative but my girl was very much into me. We were seeing each other for almost two years and together exclusively for a year. We were making plans for the future with living together, vacations, talking about getting married and kids too. We were both a huge intimate part of each other's lives.

My mistake then. This must be the reason she has asked for her key back. Mbe she is into you, but only on her terms apparently. Sounds like a keeper partner.

What I dont understand is the goofy facebook stuff. It seems like very emotional and irrational behavior to me. Why would someone do that??

B/c she is emotional and irrational?