The foreplay thread

[HeartIsAching]

I think in a healthy, happy union, that power is transferred back and forth. If one always has the power then it is a mis-match and it likely won't last because one won't be getting their needs and wants met enough to satisfy.

Personally I think in a healthy, happy relationship there IS no power struggle.

[bulrush]

Another thing for the ladies: close the door when you use the bathroom, unless your man has a related fetish. Seriously. I do not want to see you pee. I already know you pee, I just do not want to see it.

[lahnnabell]

Another thing for the ladies: close the door when you use the bathroom, unless your man has a related fetish. Seriously. I do not want to see you pee. I already know you pee, I just do not want to see it.

I had an ex who got really lazy with this. Didn't care if I saw him using his laptop on the toilet. Ugh. Such a huge turn off. I can only imagine how much worse it'd be if we were still together.

[maxmax]

Personally I think in a healthy, happy relationship there IS no power struggle.

It's power share ... not struggle.

[lahnnabell]

It's inevitable that the power will shift from person to person and a couple that understands that works. They learn when to push and when to pull. They don't hold resentment or grudges because they understand the bigger picture as individuals. The harmony of working together is more important than winning an argument or proving the other wrong.

[HeartIsAching]

Another thing for the ladies: close the door when you use the bathroom, unless your man has a related fetish. Seriously. I do not want to see you pee. I already know you pee, I just do not want to see it.

Hahahahahaha!!! So true!

My wife and I established that as one of the ground rules right off the bat. And if the door's closed, KNOCK.

[MaidenMinx]

Closing the door when one pees is all part of the mystery and the only time this rule can be eliminated is when you have toddlers in the house.

I must admit, I have been reading bits of this thread almost wistfully because it is blatantly obvious that most of the people posting in this thread do not have young children in their homes 24/7. :p

These days for me, I'll actually get to a point where I have been thinking about it for a week or more before hubby and I get a chance. Then hubby and I go nuts for 3 days and it seems so easy to find time for sex... Then on the 4th night something will blow up (hubby will work late or our son will have a bad day or I'll simply be exhausted) and it can be as long as a month before we get another chance. It's rather sad actually.

[HeartIsAching]

Closing the door when one pees is all part of the mystery and the only time this rule can be eliminated is when you have toddlers in the house.

I must admit, I have been reading bits of this thread almost wistfully because it is blatantly obvious that most of the people posting in this thread do not have young children in their homes 24/7. :p

These days for me, I'll actually get to a point where I have been thinking about it for a week or more before hubby and I get a chance. Then hubby and I go nuts for 3 days and it seems so easy to find time for sex... Then on the 4th night something will blow up (hubby will work late or our son will have a bad day or I'll simply be exhausted) and it can be as long as a month before we get another chance. It's rather sad actually.

Yeah, not for me anymore. Though my wife and I are very seriously considering having a baby... which basically means that between work/school/my oldest son coming to live with us soon, we'll have absolutely no time to ourselves, and that we'll have to clean up our pigsty of a house... ok, it's not a pigsty, it's just cluttered and disorganized.

And we'll have to face being in our 60's when we have a kid in High School. :-/

[Jolicoeur]

If you read my post, I said after 2 conversations of light talk, me and the girl talk frankly about sex and what she likes before the first date.

I did read your post. The problem is that you shoot in the pack. When you hit something you pursue. When you miss, you go on to the next one.

I can't do that. When I have my eyes on someone, I study her for a while until I find out what is incompatible with me. If nothing serious turns up, it is too late or in my last case, the aim is too high.

The girl I'm hopelessly in love with is so perfect that I can not think about anyone else. I have little hope even asking her out (very tough situation), but in case I do have a shot, it'll be all or nothing. I can't chat her up for 10 days before the first date. All my conversations with her for the time being have to be non-relational.

If she appears to be very open-minded about sex

Obviously not, so I guess I can't use this kind of lines.

Do you see the subtle interplay here?

I do, thanks.

[MaidenMinx]

Yeah, not for me anymore. Though my wife and I are very seriously considering having a baby... which basically means that between work/school/my oldest son coming to live with us soon, we'll have absolutely no time to ourselves, and that we'll have to clean up our pigsty of a house... ok, it's not a pigsty, it's just cluttered and disorganized.

And we'll have to face being in our 60's when we have a kid in High School. :-/

Oh dude... Can I suggest you seriously consider this last point. My hubbys dad was 76 when he died, hubby was only 25. Hubbys mum passed when he was 15. It's left him feeling very lonely. Most of the extended family are either distant or dead too. He has 2 sisters from his dads first marriage but they are my parents age and are very close to him. I only tell you this so you can really consider things. It's painful to accept that more kids might not be a brilliant idea (Dude, I'm in that boat. 31 years old with a beautiful son and a desperation to add to our family and give him a sibling. The fact that our son has Autism is the killer for us, even though hubby blames the lack of more kids on finance... though it is true that if we had an infinite amount of money our son would be easier to handle because we could hire the right people to help him.. but I digress. I'm just trying to express that I understand that choosing to not having children for the benefit of the child is a painful decision)

I'm also not trying to dump on you. I'm just trying to offer you another perspective on the older parent thing. While I know it can cause pain, I also think hubbys dad was one of the best dads I've ever met. He was stern yet fair, and rather generous yet also conservative in his spending. He was a good man and he raised a good man. His 2 flaws were he sheltered hubby too much and he wasn't overly affectionate. That was pretty much it when it comes to flaws. There are pros and cons to either side of the more kids coin. Just make sure you enjoy what ever happens.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh dude... Can I suggest you seriously consider this last point. My hubbys dad was 76 when he died, hubby was only 25. Hubbys mum passed when he was 15. It's left him feeling very lonely. Most of the extended family are either distant or dead too. He has 2 sisters from his dads first marriage but they are my parents age and are very close to him. I only tell you this so you can really consider things. It's painful to accept that more kids might not be a brilliant idea (Dude, I'm in that boat. 31 years old with a beautiful son and a desperation to add to our family and give him a sibling. The fact that our son has Autism is the killer for us, even though hubby blames the lack of more kids on finance... though it is true that if we had an infinite amount of money our son would be easier to handle because we could hire the right people to help him.. but I digress. I'm just trying to express that I understand that choosing to not having children for the benefit of the child is a painful decision)

I'm also not trying to dump on you. I'm just trying to offer you another perspective on the older parent thing. While I know it can cause pain, I also think hubbys dad was one of the best dads I've ever met. He was stern yet fair, and rather generous yet also conservative in his spending. He was a good man and he raised a good man. His 2 flaws were he sheltered hubby too much and he wasn't overly affectionate. That was pretty much it when it comes to flaws. There are pros and cons to either side of the more kids coin. Just make sure you enjoy what ever happens.

Yeah, that's one of the many factors that we're considering - finance being another.

To put it bluntly, our heads say no, our hearts say yes. My wife is 47, I'm 42. If my wife got pregnant a week from now (when she next ovulates) we'd have a baby just before her 48th birthday, and about a month before my 43rd. That'd make us 66 and 61 respectively when she (we're hoping for a girl) graduates from High School.

I'm an avid cyclist and am in pretty good shape. I get mistaken for 10-20 years younger than I am if I've recently shaved (grey in my beard). My wife's getting in better shape too, she's already physically better off than her 22 year old son - today's youth makes me sad. I'm working on quitting smoking, and losing about 15 more lbs. - I've lost 35 already. The long and the short of it is, I'm anticipating a long healthy life. I'll remain active, and having a kid will help with that - gonna have a new kid to teach Shouw Shou and Chin Na to, teach bike riding and swimming, racquetball, soccer, flag football and bowling. I'll be around.

[MaidenMinx]

It's a tough call, isn't it? I remember when I was pregnant I was told that having a baby is the most selfish thing anybody can do, and I have to say I agree. No circumstance is ever going to be perfect and I must say I have to give you kudos for a) giving it so much thought but also b) being open to any possibility and knowing that you can make it work regardless. I do hate it when the head says no to what the heart wants. I would love another baby and there is part of my head that agrees with my heart but the rest of my head just says NO. Hubby tries to suggest that his heart is agreeing with his head, but when I see him around babies I know his heart wants the same thing mine does. *sigh*

Oh and also, kudos on you and the Mrs getting yourselves healthy.