How important is confidence really?

[nathoonder]

I have kind of a predicament and I'm looking for advice/perspectives. I've been told on more than one occasion that I am good looking and I've been told I'm funny, which I believe. That being said, I'm 22 and I have never kissed a girl. So maybe they were liars! and I'm not good looking OR very funny. I'm not too happy with my body, like my abs aren't very impressive but I really think it is my lack of esteem,gumption and confidence. Which raises the question do I absolutely need confidence to find someone? I'm totally willing to take a physical abuser as well as a cheater, so I figure that would broaden my chances. As crazy as it sounds sometimes I think I'd enjoy being in physical abusive relationship because I'd know she wouldn't leave me because no other guy would be willing to take her abuse, and most abusers have honeymoon phases where they are really nice to their victim. But I don't know that's all hypothetical at this point. So anyway any tips,hints,advice would be greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading this long ass thread too.

[smackie9]

Well now I know what your problem is....you have a very negative view about women and relationships. Yes confidence is key by 100% by the sounds of it you have 0% and desperate and willing to lower your standards....what a loser. Your perception on dating, and women is felt by every female that comes in contact with you....you give off a s hit vibe, it`s making them stay away from you.

[nathoonder]

Well let's see I have plenty of girls who are friends so I think your negative view on women theory is BS and I have a 10.00$ an hour job so I don't think I'm much of a loser either. But I did ask for perspectives and opinions you gave me your and therefore I thank you.

[pisces25]

I'm totally willing to take a physical abuser as well as a cheater, so I figure that would broaden my chances. As crazy as it sounds sometimes I think I'd enjoy being in physical abusive relationship because I'd know she wouldn't leave me because no other guy would be willing to take her abuse, and most abusers have honeymoon phases where they are really nice to their victim.

You are screwed up dude. Seek therapy or stay single.

[Wakeup]

Have you tried the blow up kinda gal? They don't talk back, they can be anybody you imagine them to be, they won't beat you up or use you for your $10.00/hour Plus they come with three functional entry points.

[smackie9]

Well let's see I have plenty of girls who are friends so I think your negative view on women theory is BS and I have a 10.00$ an hour job so I don't think I'm much of a loser either. But I did ask for perspectives and opinions you gave me your and therefore I thank you.

Dude trust me I know what I`m talking about....I`ve met guys just like you....like holy crap yer 22 and never kissed a girl....there`s something wrong with that and it ain`t because of the ladies. Having friends that are girls ain`t no asset, that tells me you are a push over and to a fault you do anything for them. These girl use you as their emotional tampon, filling your head with bs talk to keep you around.

You want to get laid, you don't be friends with girls. You don't do anything for free, like a ride to here or there, you don't give them attention unless they give you attention. You ignore, blow off, you get selfish, they will desire you. Confidence is to be able to take whatever you want, talk to any hot chick, move in for a kiss, and be able to say no, you shouldn't have to go out of your way to be accepted by them.

[Yet another guy]

like holy crap yer 22 and never kissed a girl....there`s something wrong with that and it ain`t because of the ladies

Screw you, I take offence at that!

As for confidence, even tough I've actually proven that you may get lucky with a tiny amount... high confidence is still necessary with over 99% of the girls, so you'd have to be very lucky.
I'm sorry man, but I have no idea how to improve your confidence.

[dan2k7]

I'm sorry man, but I have no idea how to improve your confidence.

Time and experience is the key I think. You can't expect to change in a few days if you have always been the quiet, shy type. I used to be one of the shyest kids in school. What really made me develop was a change of job, its a kinda job where you either go for it and win the deal or stay quiet and risk losing out. If you are really that reserved, set yourself goals as in next time you are out on the town or at work make yourself talk to at least 1 new person. Start small and build up your experience, talking to strangers will come much easier

[smackie9]

Screw you, I take offense at that!

.

It comes down to fear of intimacy, and the longer you wait the harder it will be because it becomes more awkward. The more awkward, the more they get turned off by your vibe....it becomes a vicious cycle that`s gets harder and harder to get out of.

[smackie9]

It`s a given, girls are attracted to guys with experience...that's why you are still sitting on the side lines.

[Yet another guy]

It comes down to fear of intimacy

I don't know about OP, but I've never had a fear of intimacy.

Lack of experience, now that makes sense. I have no experience, thus girls are turned off, thus no intimacy, thus no experience.
By the way, I did meet someone who finds me attractive this summer and now I have kissed a girl (at the age of 24). Maybe I'm finally out of the cycle...

[nathoonder]

Thanks. See I don't think most people misjudge me by my post. Most of the time I'm pretty talkitive , friendly and sometimes straight up charismatic.I have plenty of friends at work and on line. I guess my problem is just getting out there because I live in a small one stop light town and I'm not too keen to the bar and party scene.

[nathoonder]

"You want to get laid, you don't be friends with girls."

I don't know about that.... I like my girls who are friends very much. I've had one of my guy friends talk to me like you have before, he always says "treat em' like dirt, they'll stick to you like glue". But I refuse to do that, I like being nice. And I don't even mind being the "emotional tampon" that much either. I like that I'm someone they choose to talk to when something is bothering them emotionally.

[smackie9]

When you have a lot of GFs that are just friends, that means they do not find you sexually attractive or BF material, so it's doing you more harm than you think. When women see you hanging out with gfs, you don't look masculine to them, and they will turn their attention to the guys that are shooting hoops, or chillin watching sports at the bar.
I'll ask you this....what has having Gf friends, and being a nice have done for you so far??? nothing!! that is why you are here. I'm telling you like it is. I'm a woman....I'm giving a woman's perspective on how we see men and what we like and don't like.....you need to make some changes if you want to see change.

To ingnore, is a show of strength and confidence in yourself...not an a sshole...that is your perspective, not a woman's.
Women want a challenge, not a guy that will coddle them in their emotional need...that is what GFs are for.
Women are social creatures and love to dress up, so that is where you will find them, at parties or the bar..... so you need to suck it up, and go out.
Women like to dance as well, and what better way to meet someone by asking them to dance....it's a great icebreaker.

So stop pussy footin around, you need to make changes or you will always be that wall flower that no one wants.

[maxmax]

Confidence is a huge factor with women and attraction to men.

It speaks volumes, and lack of it speaks even louder.

The first step, and last, to any self-improvement needs to be to build self-confidence.