My Girlfriend Has Molded A Useful, Sometimes Bitchy Tool When Needed.

[Mower Issa]

I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I -- once a confident handsome young man who was never trapped, has become a needy, annoying, housemaid and financial supporter who is not respected by his girlfriend. I invaded her life and we agreed on being roommates but then I began to repair so many of her problems, forcing solutions that were not my business because I wanted to help, and soon became a useful tool that, as we entered into a relationship, was cheated on, lied too over and over, threatened by her boyfriends, let to do all housework, disregarded when I had important things to do, demonized behind my back, often ignored in my face, left alone on the Holidays, blamed, used as a scapegoat, laughed about, and disrespected by every man that came within three feet of my girlfriend.

She is very sexy and wanted by many guys. She never stands up for me when other men talk shit to me in front of her (not that she needs to but come on . . . ), desires their attention even at my expense, establishes easy friendships with men and has brought them into the house. She lies about her whereabouts and has brought me to the level of tracking her on the internet but will never admit anything even when I show her. I have begun to doubt myself, my mind, my ability as a boyfriend. She spends hours upon hours on the internet, no sex, then apologizes and does it again the next night. Her facial features and body language tell me she is annoyed with me but then becomes sweet when I may have caught her at an address she secretly went to. I have taken it, never been able to get her to consider me unless she tires of my complaining.

She defends even those who have never come to her rescue and downs me when I ask for recgonition in solving emergencies. There are so many signs and I am losing it. I know I am being used and I continue to try and let it all go so I will not feel affected by the great disrespect I have allowed. One of her lovers threatened to kill me by leaving a voice-mail and it came from a cell phone she had in her possession. She would not help me discover who it was. I love her very much and am very attracted to her. But she is not too interested in discovering deeper things about me sexually and I am embarresed to tell her. I wonder if she does those with other men.

I have lost all trust but am a fighter and will not sleek away, beaten. I want her and we have awesome sex but I am at a lost as to whether she will ever respect me as a man or if I will just be the necessary tool that needs some polishing from time to time and placed back in the shed. I don't think she is attracted to me because she only says it when she senses my mood about our relationship. I feel confused and am unsure of what to do. I try and talk to her and tell her the reality of how I see things but she only gets defensive and it is useless. I have accused her so many times of things -- a number of them not true -- that she may not truly even like me. But I am here and needed . . . does she truly want me or am I just Canon Fodder. I almost dont want her to know of this writing for knowledge she will feel sorry for me and once again try to tell me I am hot and sexy . . . but the words fall thin for I know they are just some band-aid for her and she may not actually believe that. Someone please help me figure out where I have gone wrong. It has taken over my life. I do not really believe she is actually interested in knowing about any fantasies I have or maybe even sex with me . . . I am just here. I do know she is tired of my bitching because we never spend any time together.

[Yet another guy]

No, from what you say, I don't think she wants you. Seems like she uses you for attention and whatever else you give her. But she can get that from others too, and you suspect that she does.
You went wrong when you didn't dump her.

[Mower Issa]

I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I -- once a confident handsome young man who was never trapped, has become a needy, annoying, housemaid and financial supporter who is not respected by his girlfriend. I invaded her life and we agreed on being roommates but then I began to repair so many of her problems, forcing solutions that were not my business because I wanted to help, and soon became a useful tool that, as we entered into a relationship, was cheated on, lied too over and over, threatened by her boyfriends, let to do all housework, disregarded when I had important things to do, demonized behind my back, often ignored in my face, left alone on the Holidays, blamed, used as a scapegoat, laughed about, and disrespected by every man that came within three feet of my girlfriend.

She is very sexy and wanted by many guys. She never stands up for me when other men talk shit to me in front of her (not that she needs to but come on . . . ), desires their attention even at my expense, establishes easy friendships with men and has brought them into the house. She lies about her whereabouts and has brought me to the level of tracking her on the internet but will never admit anything even when I show her. I have begun to doubt myself, my mind, my ability as a boyfriend. She spends hours upon hours on the internet, no sex, then apologizes and does it again the next night. Her facial features and body language tell me she is annoyed with me but then becomes sweet when I may have caught her at an address she secretly went to. I have taken it, never been able to get her to consider me unless she tires of my complaining.

She defends even those who have never come to her rescue and downs me when I ask for recgonition in solving emergencies. There are so many signs and I am losing it. I know I am being used and I continue to try and let it all go so I will not feel affected by the great disrespect I have allowed. One of her lovers threatened to kill me by leaving a voice-mail and it came from a cell phone she had in her possession. She would not help me discover who it was. I love her very much and am very attracted to her. But she is not too interested in discovering deeper things about me sexually and I am embarresed to tell her. I wonder if she does those with other men.

I have lost all trust but am a fighter and will not sleek away, beaten. I want her and we have awesome sex but I am at a lost as to whether she will ever respect me as a man or if I will just be the necessary tool that needs some polishing from time to time and placed back in the shed. I don't think she is attracted to me because she only says it when she senses my mood about our relationship. I feel confused and am unsure of what to do. I try and talk to her and tell her the reality of how I see things but she only gets defensive and it is useless. I have accused her so many times of things -- a number of them not true -- that she may not truly even like me. But I am here and needed . . . does she truly want me or am I just Canon Fodder. I almost dont want her to know of this writing for knowledge she will feel sorry for me and once again try to tell me I am hot and sexy . . . but the words fall thin for I know they are just some band-aid for her and she may not actually believe that. Someone please help me figure out where I have gone wrong. It has taken over my life. I do not really believe she is actually interested in knowing about any fantasies I have or maybe even sex with me . . . I am just here. I do know she is tired of my bitching because we never spend any time together.

She had created sex ads for a couple of ex-boyfriends and when I wanted her to do that for me she avoided it but never admitted why. I knew she did not see me like that but she just would not tell me. Was my desperation for confirmation and answers just simply not sexually attractive? Had my confidence level sunk so low that there was not sexual interest anymore? Was she being nice not to be blunt?

[smackie9]

You have lost all self worth. You are suffering from her abuse and you keep hoping for unconditional love that will never come. Get out of this relationship....you are not in love, you are *unt struck. She is using you dude...she doesn't love you or care about you. You are not a fighter you are an idiot, and I'm sure your friends agree with me. Thats probably why you are on here because you refuse to listen to them.

[Bluesidhe]

Break up with her and work on your self esteem.

I've been where you are and it's not worth it. Real love makes you happy.

[Wakeup]

OP: Please get therapy so that you have professional guidance to help you figure out where your testicals are so you garner the balls to get away from this psycho. In the meantime google Borderline Personality Disorder and count how many of the symptoms this woman you are with might have.

You are addicted to the sex, the drama, the victimization. Google codependency and read how that may describe you.

You came here to vent, thats the first sign that you're ready to move away from the dysfunction. Don't stop now, keep going.

[Mower Issa]

Thank you. Why am I addicted to the drama and victimization? I am disgusted with myself and feel just like the ringtone she once had for me -- White and Nerdy. She has Bi-Polar but it never seems to come out around otehr men . . . just me.

[Mower Issa]

Did her treatment and humiliation of me entertain her? Did it cause the death of my self-respect or did I let it go on because I am truly weak?

[Wakeup]

Thank you. Why am I addicted to the drama and victimization? I am disgusted with myself and feel just like the ringtone she once had for me -- White and Nerdy. She has Bi-Polar but it never seems to come out around otehr men . . . just me.

I'm no doctor but I'm thinking she's more than bi-polar. Did you google BPD? Did you google Codependency? Doing so will answer a lot of your questions, I'm thinking.

You should seriously think about getting therapy so that you are helped to get the courage to leave the abuse. You are no different that the battered woman who doesn't leave the man who punches her. You do not love yourself and so you don't think you deserve to be with a woman that treats you well. A therapist will help you with figuring out why.

Did her treatment and humiliation of me entertain her?

Please don't try to figure out her psyche. She's one sick "C" word and you can't fix her nor can you ever even come close to figuring out what emotional response her abuse of you would conjure up. Its even difficult for trained psychiatrist to diagnose people with BPD (if she even has it). Get out of there but get yourself hooked up with a therapist first or she will just wheel you back because you're addicted to her and the drama.

[Mower Issa]

Her friends know it and laugh and smile to each other about it. Her male friends call her "love" , "Honey" and the like on texts or voicemails. She has flirty tone with them and will disregard me in front of them. I dont know about uncondition love . . . just consideration and . . . you are right, how can a woman respect a man when she can so easily take the Manhood from the Man. I am disgusted with myself. No wonder she is not sexually attracted to me anymore

[Mower Issa]

I ended it last night when she bitched about wasting gas to go a mile up the road to a "mysterious address" that was stuck on my GPS for three days. I told her I knew she did not want me. Was not attracted t me and wanted other men because I had turned into a "bitch". And she said she had them because she wanted to help them with their circumstances. Travel size men's shampoo and body spray she said were her sons in her bag. Short clothes she did nto want me to see her buy (which I bought) because they were a surprise and then when she comes back they are too big. Did I pay for her to wear sexy outfits for another man? Did I pay for that?

[Wakeup]

Don't obsess about what was. You now realize the truth so just worry now about paying for therapy which will help to keep your from returning to you when she needs something from you and manipulates you to go back to her.

Did you google those sites and start reading yet?

[ctr916]

Have you tried renting a short term relationship, with some other girl? You may be able to find a girl friend with benefits who can give you some perspective regarding your current relationship. You can even ask her if she wants to help you practice being sexually attractive to women.

[Mower Issa]

I ended it last night. She was strangely sweet to me after I drove to this house that was on my GPS that I had never been to. She bitched about wasting gas for a mile and a half and said she had never been there when I was only halfway there. I want to understand why I would allow that treatment (my mother treated me like that) but I gained some strange satisfaction in discovering her lies, I suppose as if that was some sort of display of power over the slow humiliation and degrading I was allowing. In the end, it is of my doing and there is something distorted in me, would you agree. I do not want to see it and almost wish she would scream the reasons she treated me this way so I can hear it bluntly. I want it to hurt because I can already feel it coming apart inside. I do love her but apparently have no respect or love for myself save that i may be branded selfish.

[Mower Issa]

Yes, I started reading. We were moving to Seattle together but I think I might go ahead alone and take it slow. Can I stay around even though I live with her but have the ability to move?