In Vino Veritas
Well,
This is the original thread.
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/55567-i-feel-like-she-kicked-me-nuts-still-took-high-road.html[/url]
Bottom line, and I shouldn't have....yes i know, but such is life sometime. I broke the no contact rule.
It all started night before July 4th, I was out at my favorite sunday hang out, she was there, I paid no attention, no "hi how are you?" stuff, walked right by her, and neither did she, but I guess a friend was saying how she kept a close eye as I was out having my fun (so was she)
I wake up at 6 am to see that at 4 am she sent me a text saying how quickly I moved on (she prob thought I was on to the next girl) I replied (my mistake) that she was mistaken, that I missed her and thought of her often....
text went back and forth, and she joined me at a friend's beach bbq get together. She had fun, she was affectionate, she was her old self, I was liking it, we talked about things, she confirmed how she has a problem trusting men, all men since her divorce over infidelity on her ex husband. Yes, she needs therapy or has to come around on this one.
We have talked about a few things, things going on in our lives, work, job security concerns on her part, career changes, she is really stressed out about it. She is opening up to some fears. Last night there was drama (hence the thread title) some things were said on both sides when I was stubborn and tried to take her with me from the club we were celebrating her birthday. (Foolish thing to do on my part i know.) I came home alone, she went home with her female friend whom drove her there to begin with. I sent her some texts letting her know how I felt about some things she had called me on, and reminded her that she can say all she wants, but her actions are different and this week she came over and stayed at my place 3 times this week. Actions speak louder than words.
Later today I called to apologize for my part of the drama, and she seemed over it, saying she was surprised how stubborn I was and determined. I asked if things were still cool between us, and she said yes, everything is ok, meaning just like they were before the drama, meaning she will come over and it is up to me and her to bring some level of closeness before we start boinking each other.
Yes she is who she is, I am not going to be her night in shining armor and slay her dragons, nor do I want that role, but I will help her through the job search part (the friend in me) and no, since there is no commitment, it is not going to stop me from having a social life. Tomorrow I will go a a day date with a lady friend who is very much interested, and next week while in am out in business travel, I will have a dinner date with a cute mid 20s girls I met there last time I was there....
I know I should not be invested emotionally with this woman, but my feelings are still there, and I have to be smart how I am going to handle this, if I don't see things going the way I want them to go, I am going to do the right thing and finish this relationship again. She knows I don't just want to be a friend, and want more, that I while I am a good guy to her, I also have demands that I must get from her in order for this to work out. I think she understands. If I end it, doing the right thing is a tough step but must be done, I know.
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent." Nietzsche
There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?