weaning of anti depressants

[MaidenMinx]

I am at week 4 of coming of antidepressants, end of week 2 of nothing. And I missed a dr appointment...

I'm not sure how I am doing. The want to be off these things and coping on my own is strong but I can't help but wonder if I'm fooling myself I can cope without them.

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember. I remember distinctly at the age of 8 thinking how easy it would be to throw myself at an oncoming car.

I'm not unrealistic. I know no one can be happy all the time. Moods naturally fluctuate and full on happiness can be as intense and emotionally draining as the deepest depression or the blinding rage. I just want pleasant contentedness.

With the anti-depressants I am content. My thoughts remain mostly positive, I can chase away the negativity before it leaves enough of an impression for me to revisit it. I am generally stable and am less prone to emotional acrobatics.

Without them I can experience 4 or 5 moods in an hour. My thoughts are scattered yet I am prone to dwell. I'm getting better at recognising when I'm dwelling but I have trouble processing my emotions which leads to more dwelling. I am less decisive and indecision has always been a problem for me. Hence why I can't decide whether or not I can cope without the meds.

Another thing that worries me is that I have possibly brained my damage (to quote homer simpson) in my teens and 20s. I took acid for the first time when I was 15 and loved it. Possibly too much. I consumed a lot of acid over the next 7 years. I spent some time when I was 16 I spent 3 months snorting my brothers dexamphetamine. When I was 17 I tried shrooms for the first time. 18 introduced me to coke and lots of variants of ampethamines. At 19 I met ecstasy. Then it was 2 years without anything new until I smoked ice one day. Never liked it but used it often because it wiped out all other amphetamines locally. All through that time I was a daily pot smoker too. It's strange though, other than the pot I always considered myself a recreational user but it certainly doesn't look like that on paper. I've never actually listed the chronology of my trying certain substances for the first time. I took more amphetamines than anything else in the long run. E and acid would come equal second. Shrooms and coke have been rare occasions.

I would also like to say I like to think I did every thing with harm minimisation being the key. I never gave anything to anyone who didn't want it. I wasn't one of those people that would take 8 pills a night (2 max!). I never bought or took anything unless the 'friend' that was selling it to me had already tried it. I was never sold shit, I never bought from people I didn't know. The only drug other than pot I ever built up a tolerance too was my brothers dexies. :p Compared to some people from back in the day I have come through quite sane.

But I worry. I wondered if the ecstasy has permanently f**ked with my serotonin production. I wonder if the acid has bought me a one way ticket to early onset Alsheimers. To the best of my knowledge, not much research has been done on the long long term effects (mostly because we only just have the first round of acid heads getting old now. How can we research what is yet to occur?)

Wow. I went off topic. I feel better for the vent. Opinions welcome.

oh and before anyone berates me for all my drug use, what's done is done. I don't take anything any more except a drink here and there and a joint for NYE

[KingZ]

Hey, wanna fu​ck?

[smackie9]

I did the acid, coke, speed, pot, hash, deal too, but it was for fun and quit everything when I was about 22. Smoked a little pot here and there a couple of years later, but that soon dropped off too. I dont regret a thing....it was kids stuff in my opinion. I have friends that are older than me that still smoke pot,,,,,actually a lot of the population of British Columbia Canada smoke pot lol.

I suggest you watch A Magnificent Mind At Any Age, on you tube. Dr.Amen gives hope to those who do suffer from depression, to get off the meds by eating a healthy diet, exercise, learning new things, and meditating. I really like his realistic approach to improving overall mental health.

[rafterman]

I had a bad E once called a Green Batman. It was nasty full of smack and Ketamine.It really hit me hard. I've been on anti-depressants mainly after return from active service with the Army. My best advice is stay away from booze, its just as bad as illict drugs. Whenever I've seen a shrink cause I feel sh!thouse. First thing he asks is "Have you been doing any exercise?" The endorphin realease helps restock serotonin levels.Ecstacy burns holes in your brain. Drugs are bad mmkay

[MaidenMinx]

Doppelmakemelol, yeah but not you. :p heh heh heh

Smackie, thanks for that. I scored a book today called How To Quit Without Feeling S**t. I loved the title and thought it was timely. From the little I've read it's theory seems to be that the mind can be balanced through proper eating etc, so similar theory to Dr. Amen it seems. I feel armed with knowledge.

rafterman, thank you for reminding me of exercise. I haven't been walking much lately because.... well I have a list of excuses. I also used to have a 6 pack. I might look at trying to get that back if I can do it without my brain clicking over into 'I need to be skinnier' mode. (and for those that are curious, I had my 6 pack before pregnancy and then I got it back afterwards. I still have nice abs, they are just covered in a reasonable layer of fat now. :p ) I haven't been stretching either and my back is not happy about that. Time to get back into my body more so I can drag myself out of my head.

[MaidenMinx]

I'm not sure what my main point was either. I think I was just venting. I do that a lot.

Thank you for the reassurance about the brain being flexible. I think I'll always worry (especially when I take 10 minutes to find a word I want) but I think I can try to be positive.

What you suggested actually sounds like it would help a friend of mine more, especially when it comes to the dreams.

I'm starting to notice that one of my downer moment (that precise moment when you can slip into a pit or avoid it) triggers is anxiety. I get anxious and then I feel like I can't cope with everything which leads to me feeling useless then depressed. Now I just need to find the triggers for the anxiety.

I think my main objection to surviving on anti depressants for the rest of my life is I feel like it's a cop out. I guess I feel like if I am willing to put in the work (which I'm starting to think is less about counselling for me and more about good food, exercise and meditation) I can beat this. Not just learn to cope, which is where I am at now, but really actually eradicate it from my life. I've not had hope like that before.

[Kiechi]

I went cold turkey 3 weeks ago of being on AD's for 3 years (I do not recommend this approach)... and I feel much better for it. MY problem with AD's was the fact it numbed not only the depression... but everything else. I was pretty much emotionally devoid of everything and felt little pressure from life. Which in the long run caused me more problems.

You shoulda' just listened to yoself at 8 and jumped in front of the car. Oh the hassle you would've saved yourself...

[MaidenMinx]

LMAO!!!

Yes I would have saved my self a hell of a lot of trouble, but OH! the things I would have missed!!!!

The last time I was serious about wanting to take my life I nearly hung my self. I was there, on the chair, rope around my neck I took a breath and I thought if there's any reason to stay, something will tell me now. I went to step off the chair when the phone rang. I waited, one foot in the air, the other on the chair, fingers wrapped around the rope at my neck. The answering machine picked up, it was my godmother pleading with me to answer the phone....

As you can probably tell I didn't hang myself that day. I have way too much curiosity for that.

I'd also like to say though, low blow dude!

[Kiechi]

Glad to be of some service.

[rafterman]

I went cold turkey 3 weeks ago of being on AD's for 3 years (I do not recommend this approach)... and I feel much better for it. MY problem with AD's was the fact it numbed not only the depression... but everything else. I was pretty much emotionally devoid of everything and felt little pressure from life. Which in the long run caused me more problems.

You shoulda' just listened to yoself at 8 and jumped in front of the car. Oh the hassle you would've saved yourself...

This does'nt make sence.... you said you gave up ADs,you dont recommed this approach, but you feel much better?.......Please explain!
I think your f@#ked in the head

[Kiechi]

^ Giving them up COLD TURKEY dickjam.

[rafterman]

^ Giving them up COLD TURKEY dickjam.

Still does'nt answer the question.Oh well. Maybe you could have Cold turkey dick jam sandwich for lunch. TIA

[Kiechi]

That's alright, you keep your lunch.