Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[guest1980]

Here s my story.
I ve met this woman and we were together for 2 years until one week ago.
I m 30 she is 36. She came from a ****ed up family and some ****ed up relationship history. She is also on antidepressants since she had some anorexia problems younger. We loved each other so much during these 2 years. I am sure she is the love of my life. We were together the 1st year and had a long distance relationship the 2nd year. This year I was planning to go to the UK for her. To a city 3hours away from her. Thats the only job i coud find

During these 2 years she kept repeating these things though.
- That I m the only person that she felt like that before and that this is scaring the shit out of her.
- That she is not good at relationships and a commitment freak.

One night after the first year when she was drunk she asked me when I d propose to her. I thought it was so sweet so i smiled and said soon. The next few months her behaviour towards any engagement discussion was positive and then turned negative. The last time we were talking about this she told me that her age worries her a lot. I told her that I love to see her grow old and to grow old with her. That s the only time she agreed to marry me as after I told her that she pulled out her iphone and started showing me a list of engagement rings that she liked. That happened almost 3 months ago. One month ago i proposed and she said yes. But after 5 days she said she felt its not the right time, bringing the age matter up again.

Anyway. One week ago she told me she doesn see that this can work and she broke up with me. The other day she called me telling me that she was crying all night and that she loves me so much and that she doesn know what to do. She asked for space and to meet in a week to discuss about us. She also went to a common friend and she told him she feels so ****ed up and confused. That she cant do the distance thing but on the other hand she doesnt want to force me to go to london without a job.
She told him she is worried about the age difference as well and her whole life she s been through so much shit and that she feels she is loosing her independence.
We are meeting in 3 days and dont know what to say to get her back. Could she be so ****ed up by her past that she cant have a normal relatioship?..Is she scared of me herself or both?..is she testing me?..please help....any advice?????

[smartguy]

She is in big Dilemma...
She may think that whether you can satisfy her in the way she like,but you are very young to her...
thats the age game plays...
she likes you through heart but mind?
its look like my story...
my sincere advice is to better find a girl who is younger than you....
because if you marry her also,there will be lot of understanding(She may point out the age differnce for any mistakes which will happen in future)
so its your life,you have to decide because she is already lived her life but you are yet to start...
All the Best

[smackie9]

You need to take the stress off of her. Tell her not to worry, that you will take care of everything to make it work. Life wouldn't be worth living if you are not willing to take a few risks, am I right? I'm not sure what is the problem with the age....I'm 6 years older than my husband and we have been together for over 21 years. Its never been a problem. If you can get her to relax, things will fall into place.....you just may have to hold her hand a lot more for reassurance.

[smackie9]

I feel her deep seeded fears are more about the environment she grew up in and thinks she might end up being like her parents by dragging you and your future children into being a dysfunctional family. You should talk to her more about that.

[smackie9]

Oh and best of luck.....keep us updated on how it goes for you.

[guest1980]

thanx a lot...i will.......i emailed her two days ago expressing honestly and openly my thoughts and letiing her know when i ll be back in her area to discuss things ...telling her that i m not accusing her but willingly or not she made me not feel sure about her as well and put some strange thoughts into my mind ( a possible unstable character, her possible deep seeded fears and how that might affect are future if we reunite finally, or maybe if there is someone else)......i told her I need time as well to think about this...she emailed me back saying that some of the things i said really hit a nerve but the some other like guy scenarios are fiction and made her upset...i didn reply and she texted me again today saying that she hopes i m having fun whenever i went and asking me to when i m coming back even though i told her both by email and text......and to contact her in my own time...do you think i got her worried about my commitment to her?.....or that she feels she s loosing me?....is this text a good sign or not..??

so confused at the moment

[devonbrown]

You scared her because she always thought you would be there no matter what.

But, try this - instead of the two of you throwing ultimatums at each other, possible talk WITH each other, not AT each other.

If you two are serious about being in a relationship, perhaps you should consider couple's counseling. It may help having an outside party keep you two focused and concentrating on what is important.

The age difference is in her head. Six years difference after the age of 30 is hardly anything. She has different life experiences, but everyone does. You two probably have more in common than you and a 24 year old, for example.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Step back, and wait til you see each other again. The things you are emailing her could be doing more damage than you think....... Those thought you have are making say negative things....always be supportive and positive.

[guest1980]

thanx smackie and devon...i called her yesterday as she asked me to....she sounded very curious about where i d been in the weekend as i had told her that i was gonna take a 3day trip..after telling her we had a small talk with our ''inside'' jokes and our own loving tone..seemed to come natural from both of us.....in the end we agreed to discuss things tomorrow..i was getting the sense that she decided that she wants to work things out but needs to have a serious discussion first...god i want this to work......