Wondering if my ex still has a pulse.

[Vanessa]

Behind what I’m about to say there’s a very long and complicated story. I’ll save that for my first novel.

For the past 3 months I’ve known absolutely nothing of my ex, except a text message he sent me saying ‘if anything happens to me please look for my phone in a book that represents us’. It was badly written, made little sense, he’s got a flare for the dramatic and emotional blackmail, so I assumed he’s drunk and ignored it.

Our last conversation was somewhere around Easter when although we were broken up I agreed to see him a couple times. He called one night just asking what I’m up to, I miss you, talk to you later, bye. He never called again and neither did I.

During our pretty long and supposedly serious relationship this guy has hurt me in countless ways which is why at some point I decided to end it, but overall we did share good moments, he meant a lot to me and I still somehow care about him. I absolutely do not want to get back with him, I just want to know he’s ok, not in the hospital, prison or any other such exotic destinations his lovely personality could have gotten him to. At the moment I don’t even know if he’s alive.

The thing is, I don’t feel like I could just call and say ‘hi, you alright?’ because on one hand my pride won’t let me and on the other I’m scared of the complications this could bring as he’s pretty much always been my Achilles’ heel.

My life will go on just as well if I know nothing of him but still I wish I did. If there was any option of knowing he's fine without contacting him I'd go for that because honestly I don't want to call him.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to ask here. I’d just appreciate any thoughts on the subject and I guess I’d like to talk about it with someone other than my friends. My curiosity is unhealthy, but is it wrong? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

[Lipp]

My life will go on just as well if I know nothing of him but still I wish I did. If there was any option of knowing he's fine without contacting him I'd go for that because honestly I don't want to call him.

Is there any mutual friend of the two of you who's still around or that you'd might bump into? I'd probably toss it up as a light-hearted question with such a person, but without prying for any info beyond that.

[Vanessa]

Thanks Lipp. There's absolutely nobody I can ask or I would have done it a long time ago. I do have his mother's number and we got along very well but I somehow feel that calling her would be... distasteful I guess.

[HeartIsAching]

He's playing headgames with you to try and keep your interest. Your best bet is to forget about him.

[Wakeup]

For the past 3 months I’ve known absolutely nothing of my ex, except a text message he sent me saying ‘if anything happens to me please look for my phone in a book that represents us’.

Were you suppose to know what that cryptic message would represent? If it wasn't something that both of you would immediately know what was meant:

Then he's STILL PLAYING YOU.

No matter anyway..

During our pretty long and supposedly serious relationship this guy has hurt me in countless ways which is why at some point I decided to end it,

That ^^ would be enough for me to pretend he was dead.

[VincenzoG91]

For all practical purposes, he is dead. At least dead to you. Forget him and move on.

[Andariel]

I am pretty sure he is doing just fine. He is probably just trying to make you think that he might not be OK so that you will feel bad/ sorry for him and try to get in touch with him to check if he is still breathing!He will then use that as an opportunity to suck you back into his drama. Best thing to do is not to get in touch with him at all. No good can come out of that.Stick to your decision.

If you really need to find out, best to try to search if he has a facebook profile or just type his name and 2011 on google and see if his name comes up in any forums/blogs recently.That would be an indication that he is still breathing and you wouldn't need to get in touch with him to find out.

[maxmax]

Best just to stay away.

[Vanessa]

Were you suppose to know what that cryptic message would represent?

I'm not quite sure why his phone would be in a book, but the subtext is among the lines of 'I want you to get all worried and call me because I'm a complete tool'. The thing is, he once tried to commit suicide and did nearly die, I was the one who helped him get through it, and everytime he wouldn't get something his way he sorta threatened he'd do it again. But while we were together I've been there for him in every way I could, which didn't stop him from cheating, lying, manipulating and so on. Now it's out of my hands.

If you really need to find out, best to try to search if he has a facebook profile or just type his name and 2011 on google and see if his name comes up in any forums/blogs recently.

He doesn't have a Facebook account and never was a big fan of the internet so that pretty much leaves me out of options.


Thanks guys. I feel better about it now. I'll keep minding my own business and do my best to forget he exists. I've moved on and grown in so many ways since he's no longer in my life that purposely ruining the balance I've managed to achieve would be simply retarded.

[Wakeup]

I've moved on and grown in so many ways since he's no longer in my life that purposely ruining the balance I've managed to achieve would be simply retarded.

That'a girl. Nice to hear.

[Andariel]

Good for you,girl!Keep strong! :-)

[HeartIsAching]

he once tried to commit suicide and did nearly die, I was the one who helped him get through it, and everytime he wouldn't get something his way he sorta threatened he'd do it again.

In the future, if you ever run into that behavior again, there's a REALLY simple way of dealing with it... pick up the phone and call 999. When he/she/whoever freaks out because you did that, just calmly say "You said you were going to kill yourself. I took you seriously."

I guarantee they'll not do it again.

[Vanessa]

In the future, if you ever run into that behavior again, there's a REALLY simple way of dealing with it... pick up the phone and call 999. When he/she/whoever freaks out because you did that, just calmly say "You said you were going to kill yourself. I took you seriously."

I guarantee they'll not do it again.

Thanks, I'll do that if I'm ever in that situation again. The thing is he generally did it over the phone, we rarely had arguments face to face, and usually telling him I'd ring his mother would calm him down. If I had an ambulance sent to his house only to find him chilling with a beer it woulda made me look like an idiot. Plus there are other people who might actually need help.

[HeartIsAching]

That's even better. Then you can say "Ok, I'm hanging up now to call 999." Gives them a chance to reverse themselves.