Miscarriage :(

[TimmyMullane]

Hi everyone.

I'm not sure if any of you had read my story from the love stories thread. If you haven't, you can have a look I guess.

Very simply: my fantastic wife has just had a miscarriage within the past few days, she was three months gone. As you can tell from the story I posted, I've had some bad times in my life, but this is the worst, no question or doubt about it, because I can't bare to see my wife hurt.

This is the first rock our relationship has hit. We've been married since February 2010, and that whole time has been like a dream. We've known each other for twenty years, and in all that time she's been my best friend. We started going out six years ago and have a beautiful four year old girl at home.

My wife has stood by me through thick and thin, even when nobody else would look at me, my life has taken a u-turn because of her, indeed I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her.

Now, I have to pay her back for all she's done for me. I'm heartbroken at what has happened, because I was looking forward to being a Daddy again, but I know my wife, with a mother's instinct, is going to feel even worse, and I need to be strong for her.

I've given her hugs, been a shoulder to cry on and cried with her too, and I've told her how much I love her. But what else can I do? I'm so devestated that this has happened to her, after all the good things she's done for people. She doesn not deserve this, not one bit.

[misombra]

So very sorry to hear this. Hugs to her she must be devastated. Good news is you can probably try again in a few months depending on what went wrong and chances are she'll have a viable pregnancy. But that probably doesn't help things.

Was this her first pregnancy?

[HeartIsAching]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this!

My wife recently miscarried too. She was only a couple of weeks along, but it was surprisingly heartbreaking. You have my sympathy.

[TimmyMullane]

Thanks for your wishes, and as for you heartisaching, you have my sympathies. It's one nasty feeling.

Yes Misombra, everything should be alright. No, this wasn't her first pregnancy, we have a four year old daughter and she had zero complications while she was expecting he. We hope for the best. But she is tremendously down beat at this time.

[misombra]

can you even detect pregnancy at two weeks?

[HeartIsAching]

Easily.

I can detect a jackass at 20 paces, too.

[misombra]

You said she was on birth control and she started her period a few days late. That does not indicate a miscarriage.

[HeartIsAching]

You said she was on birth control and she started her period a few days late. That does not indicate a miscarriage.

She wasn't on birth control. We were using birth control but not consistently. She was a week late, she's very regular, and when she got her period, it was painful (unusual for her) and heavy with clots. We're sure she lost a baby.

Thanks for calling me a liar, and belittling our pain.

[misombra]

Well I'm sorry for your loss. I was mistaken.

[smackie9]

You should seek out a grief counselor that deals with these types of situations. I think it will help you all to get through this.

[luvme4me]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss as i just miscarried at 12 weeks myself. There is no worse feeling than to feel helpless at a time like this. I have cried and worried myself to death on a daily basis, which still does not take the pain away. This was my 3rd miscarriage...2 with my ex husband (set of twins at 8 1/2 months, almost full term with delivery and a single at 7 weeks) and then this one which was as I mentioned 12 weeks...another set of twins. I will emphasize on the last because it has been the worse for me physically, emotionally and sexually. It has been 10 weeks since I went into labor while awaiting for it to expel before being rushed in to have a d&c.

I can tell you from experience that there is no worse feeling, as a woman to have to live with the pain and agony and thinking that we did something that caused it. I opted for an autopsy since it my 3rd and the results were that epilepsy was the source of the cause. I understand what your wife is going through, although its different with each miscarriage and each individual woman. I have no kids and it brings terrible fear that I may never get to experience what I've always longed for an that was motherhood. I was so hopefully with this pregnancy and wished for the best, but soon my dreams were starting to get weird such as things that were wrong with the baby or my husband left the baby and we lost it and couldn't find it and just couldn't fight the feeling that my motherly instincts were in reality telling me something was wrong, I just had to wait for confirmation at my 12 week ultrasound which concluded it stopped growing at 7 weeks and 6 days, 2 days after we saw the heartbeat.

I blamed myself, I hated God for doing this to me, but I also feel into deep post partum depression when my husband almost gave up hope on me ever getting better. It affects your work life, sex life and your over all marriage and it sucks! We don't know why we feel this way, but I soon begged and pleaded with my husband to just give up his shoulder when I needed it, a simple hug in passing, any way he could find to lift me up out of this deep dark hole I was slowly falling into. I felt there was no hope and no one cared but he showed me the total opposite...that he truly is there for me when he promised me that he would be. He knows the instant he's around me that something is wrong and he will do whatever he can to help me, which brings me to my point. Do whatever works for you and her. It's not easy, but as a promise to her the day you wed, in sickness and in health.

This, by the way, was his first miscarriage so it took him by total surprise especially when I knew something was wrong and I had to find a way of preparing him for it without even knowing until confirmation. While laying in bed 3 days before our 12 week ultrasound, I ask him what he would do if something was wrong or were to happen. I think he knew, but reolied, "I don't want to think about that." It is a terrible tragedy and there are no ways of explaining exactly how we feel. We have to cope in our own ways and learn what works for us. I know the pain will never go away, but time will heal and bring understanding to you both as to why things like this happen, especially when we are so hopeful.

God bless and I hope time will heal you both...

RIP my Lil' Butterbean 5/12/11

[TimmyMullane]

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear that luvme4me, it sounds like you went through a awful lot, and I really hope my wife doesn't have to go through anything like that, it would break my heart. I'll leave counselling as her own decision, but if I feel she really needs it, I'll arrange it.

Secondly, I'm a bit disappointed at some of the previous comments, not directed at me, but still not nice to read. But I won't make too big a deal of it, I'll just put it down to a bad lapse of judgement.

[misombra]

actually i would call it a moment of clarity.

but like tom petty says, it don't really matter to me baby. you believe what you wanna believe.

[TimmyMullane]

I won't get involved, haha.

It sounds like you've got a great husband luvme4me, and I'll do anything to help right now.

[misombra]

timmymullane i don't mind that you are disappointed in my comments. i am sad for women who know they are pregnant and go on an entire trimester with a growing child and then miscarry. i shed less tears for people who are not sure if they were pregnant, just think they are, and it turns out they're not and they assume that they miscarried. sounds like something teenagers would do. if i'm wrong then i am who cares i'm just some random person on a forum.

i had a friend who tried 3 times until she finally had a viable pregnancy. she was forced to abort a pregnancy at a clinic where there were some crazy evangelical protesters yelling at her not to do it. it was awful.

either way i feel bad for your wife.