My wife of 3 years is still not confident or comfortable in the Bedroom?

[Derek24]

Hello, Thanks for taking the time to read this and possibly help.

Well my wife and i have been married for 3 years now, I was her first and only lover, which explains why she is fairly inexperienced, but its been 3 years now and she is still not confident enough to be proactive in the bedroom. I literally do everything and have to tell her what to do. I cant figure it out, i have sat down and talked with her about it and asked her questions about what she would like, which usually ends up with an i dont know or dont care response. I have explained that i would like her to be more proactive, and she seems understanding, but it usually goes no where.

Any advice, or reference to a book, anything is appreciated,

thank you,

Derek.

[fun2bwith45]

Try tying her up and blindfolding her, lots of women love that......then ask her to do the same to you. It'll force her to be proactive and if you've done it to her she'll feel like she owes it to you so she probably will do it.

[HarajukuGoober]

kind of. Like, I'm a bit on the shy side due to how I looked in the past and being teased...so he does most of the work. I have asked HIM if I need to do something different or do something period and he says everything is ok. Your wife might not come out of her shell...but as long as you're both enjoying it, it's ok~

[HeartIsAching]

Try tying her up and blindfolding her, lots of women love that......then ask her to do the same to you. It'll force her to be proactive and if you've done it to her she'll feel like she owes it to you so she probably will do it.

Sorry to say, but this is bad, Bad, BAD advice. Light bondage is fun if you trust your partner and are very comfortable with each other (and not just sexually) but it's NOT a good way to build trust if you aren't.

Have you tried telling your partner point-blank that you'd like her to be more aggressive, instead of pussy-footing around it with hints, innuendos and leading questions?

[Vanessa]

Perhaps you could try giving her instructions during sex, telling her what you want her to do and telling her how great she is and what a great job she's doing once she gets started? Maybe it'll help her build up her confidence and taking initiative.

[Wakeup]

You need to teach her how YOU like it and then with sensual instruction get her to keep doing that. Kissing her while talking to her and telling her what you want will more likely get you what you want. She's obviously more relaxed in the sub role so slowly start getting dominant with her via instructional, sensual commands. With enough of that dynamic, she'll likely automatically start doing what you've commanded she do for you.

As always... Just my opinion.

[vashti]

I hate when there are multiple threads about the same thing.

[Derek24]

thank you all for the advice, I think i definitely need to be more supportive and build her confidence as well.

I think mostly i would like her to initiate sex every once in a while too. The entire time we've been together I'm always the one who has to ask for it, or even beg for it. Occasionally she'll suggest we have sex, like the other night she said, "we should have sex tomorrow", but that is the most i'll get out of her and she only does that much because she is trying to be more proactive for me, which i appreciate. But i would really like for her to be sexier and more aggressive in her approach. I mean she is a woman she can have me anytime she wants, if she instead of suggesting sex the next day, came up to me the next day and came on to me.

is there any advice or anything out there for her to learn from maybe?

[Wakeup]

"We should have sex tomorrow." Lmao.

She's not very sensual/sexual in general then is she. Did you wait until you were married to have sex for the first time with her. You must have for surely you would have sussed that out prior to marriage.

You're going to have to train her and when she says things like "we should have sex tomorrow" then tell her that you'd rather she seduce you when she's ready then make an appointment in advance. COMMUNICATION, PATIENCE, LOVING INSTRUCTION.

imo There are no bad lovers, just lazy or unmotivated teachers. You might try bringing her to multiple "O's" and not worrying about yourself for a time or two. I think the more she enjoys your love making, the more she will initiate for you to please her once again. Just guessing her though. If she's the type that can take or leave sex then you're in for a struggle no matter what you do.

[HeartIsAching]

" COMMUNICATION, PATIENCE, LOVING INSTRUCTION.

This.

" imo There are no bad lovers, just lazy or unmotivated teachers. You might try bringing her to multiple "O's" and not worrying about yourself for a time or two. I think the more she enjoys your love making, the more she will initiate for you to please her once again. Just guessing her though. if she's the type that can take or leave sex then you're in for a struggle no matter what you do.

For the most part I agree with you, but I do believe that there ARE people that are bad lovers because they're too unmotivated and lazy to learn.

[Wakeup]

but I do believe that there ARE people that are bad lovers because they're too unmotivated and lazy to learn.

Perhaps, but I just find it strange that those same unmotivated and lazy lovers will become the ravishing, unsatiable nyphette once they are with someone new.

I think there are women (and men) who can take or leave sex. That's different than being a bad lover though.

[HeartIsAching]

Perhaps, but I just find it strange that those same unmotivated and lazy lovers will become the ravishing, unsatiable nyphette once they are with someone new.

I think there are women (and men) who can take or leave sex. That's different than being a bad lover though.

I think that has more to do with compatibility though, and I don't think that's all that uncommon.

There definitely is a difference between being a bad lover and having a low libido.

[Cerby]

I do believe that there ARE people that are bad lovers because they're too unmotivated and lazy to learn.

Agreed, they're call "fish" and all they do is lie there and wiggle around like a fish out of water. Total buzzkill when you're with someone who can't or won't try anything outside of missionary vanilla.

[HeartIsAching]

I always called 'em "frogs"

[KingZ]

Personally, I think you should try teasing her more. Give her some insane anticipation. Do you text/email her during the day while you're at work? Try sending naughty messages.

If you think you can pull it off, you could try to go down on her for a few minutes and then stopping. You have to do it in a way that seems playful, not insulting, which might be tricky.

Eventually, she won't be able to take it and she'll just give you the initiation you're looking for.

Hope that helps.