She doesn't seem to want a relationship with anyone, how could this be?

[desy1978]

There's this girl at work who several of us have been chasing. She seems to have a busy social life and is in clubs and meets lots of people. I was aware of all this so I asked her out on a date which she kind of side stepped. She texted me later thanking me but saying she just wanted to be friends. It's left me a bit confused because apart from this a lot of the signs show that she's into me. Normally a girl makes it very clear and you just know it's not happening but apart from her actually saying 'friends only' I'm not sure she really means it although I get the impression this is how it is for the other guys who socialise with her too. People at work have commented that it's strange she does stuff with lots of men but doesn't seem to want to have a relationship with any of them. As far as I know she's not been on 'dates' as such with the other guys but has been doing stuff like hill walking /climbing and the like.

Yesterday I decided to go for a cycle and decided to invite her along saying she was welcome to invite other friends too. Although I bump into her at work from time to time this was the first time I'd contacted her for about 2 months after she 'friend zoned' me. She texted me back right away and turned up for the cycle alone and we had a great time. She's finishing working with us in the autumn and is looking for more work locally so it doesn't look like she's intending to move away. I thought maybe she was planning some more travelling so didn't want to commit to anyone. She's a bit of a tomboy and some people have speculated she may be a lesbian (although I feel this is unfair, not that there would be anything wrong with that) but yesterday she mentioned that she's had a boyfriend in Aus (must have been at least 6 months ago) when she lived there.

I'm not holding out much hope for being with this girl as she said 'friends' but would be interested to hear female opinion on the situation. Do girls just sometimes feel the need to be single and turn down all offers even if they feel some attraction to you? Maybe she has feeling towards someone who's unavailable? Maybe she's still getting over her ex or feels overly pressured by all this male attention?

[surfhb]

Do girls just sometimes feel the need to be single and turn down all offers even if they feel some attraction to you? Maybe she has feeling towards someone who's unavailable? Maybe she's still getting over her ex or feels overly pressured by all this male attention?

Most likely shes not attracted to you.
Not everyone wants to be in a relationship

[kageri]

After a bad relationship I spent 2 years not wanting anything to do with anyone. It happens. It could also be she's not interested in dating you or anyone you know and that's why she's turned everyone down. You can enjoy someone's friendship and not want to date them. Apparently this is difficult for guys but not for women.

[gigigi]

it's hard to tell whether or not she feels some attraction for you, but the bottom line is, she's made it clear she's not interested in anything more than a friendship, so if you want to stay in contact with her, i think you should back off from suggesting anything more romantic, until she gives you a clear indication that she's open to that.

[desy1978]

kageri- yeah it is difficult to do that for a bloke. I'm glad I saw her again on Saturday though. I thought maybe I'd pissed her off asking her on a date before so it's nice to know she's still keen to socialise with me even if it is just as friends. I'm certainly not going to push things as she said she just wanted to be friends and I also have a date set up with another woman so I think I'll just see how it all pans out. Thanks for your replies.