Too Physical too Soon?

[chica]

Hi everyone I just wanted to ask a question that has to do with physical intimacy.

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month, we've been "official" boyfriend/girlfriend for a little under a month. He is 24 and I am 20. We see each other once a week because we live somewhat far away. We have great chemistry and enjoy each other's company. He's told me about his family and his background, but I still haven't gotten to know him on an extremely deep level (I think the language barrier is somewhat to blame; his first language is not English).

This guy has been very sweet; he made me dinner once as a surprise, he is very thoughtful, he surprised me for my birthday with a cake and some gifts, etc.

But here's the problem: he's not a virgin and I am. He is used to fast-paced relationships. We have made out already, and he has 'felt me up", but with his hand over my blouse. We also have laid down together and made out that way. However, recently, I've noticed that he's ejaculated in his pants the last couple times we've made out! (sorry for being graphic!)

I got out of a relationship recently, and I usually take things slow as is....and I feel like I want to take them even slower because I got out of a relationship not too long ago. However, he seems to want to be a lot more physical sooner than me (he tried to un-do my bra today).

This has caused a tiff in our relationship....He says that I'm taking the relationship too fast on an emotional level, but I don't feel comfortable being physical if I'm not emotionally intimate with someone first.

Has anyone has this happen before? How did you come to a solution? I'm not wiling to do things that I"m not comfortable with, and my boyfriend understands that....but I know it makes him frustrated too....

[Superfantastich]

You should do whatever you are comfortable with. Although it seems the physical depth is fast, the sex will be even faster..

[chica]

Ok thank you for your response. I know that some people are used to different paces and I don't know if I should judge him for that.

But I want to make it clear to him that I'm not comfortable crossing certain boundaries until I get to know him on a deeper level. He himself said that he was unhappy about the sexual part of our relationship and how it wasn't progressing.

However, he has been very sweet but I don't know if that's because he wants a steady relationship or just because he wants sex. For me, I would have to be very serious and very committed to someone to even THINK about having sex with them!

[devonbrown]

You don't have to judge someone for having a different pace and preference when it comes to physical activity in a relationship. Just understand that it might not be meant for the two of you. And that is okay.
Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. If he isn't willing to respect and accept that, then he is probably not the one for you.

Good luck.

[Yet another guy]

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month, we've been "official" boyfriend/girlfriend for a little under a month.

How fast did you get into a relationship exactly? a week?

[chica]

How fast did you get into a relationship exactly? a week?

Yes, it was very quick, and I realize that it was too soon in retrospect. However, if I am being physical with someone (kissing, etc.) I would like to know where I stand in the relationship. So I talked to him about it on our 3rd date.....

[Mathias]

Have you talked with him about it? If you don't set boundaries, he's definitely going to test them. That's not a fault of his either - that's just the way it is.

[chica]

I have, but I guess I haven't been clear enough. I've told him that I like to take things slow and that I don't feel comfortable with certain things.

Maybe I should be more specific haha

[Mathias]

I have, but I guess I haven't been clear enough. I've told him that I like to take things slow and that I don't feel comfortable with certain things.

Maybe I should be more specific haha

Yes, you should. It's really not fair to him otherwise.

[Wakeup]

I wouldn't even think about having sex with him being a virgin particularily unless he's introduced you to his friends and family and has shown in actions (other than trying to get into your pants) that he's actually committed. Him being long distance from you makes that even more important. Have you met any of his friends, family, been to his part of town? Do you do fun things together, do you include each other in family functions that kind of thing?

[Mathias]

I wouldn't even think about having sex with him being a virgin particularily unless he's introduced you to his friends and family and has shown in actions (other than trying to get into your pants) that he's actually committed. Him being long distance from you makes that even more important. Have you met any of his friends, family, been to his part of town? Do you do fun things together, do you include each other in family functions that kind of thing?

Wouldn't that be a bit weird, only having dated for a month?

That would be way too quick for me.

[chica]

I have met some of his friends, because the first time we met, we were with his friends. This is a bit complicated, but my best friend's sister (Jane) is friends with one of his friends (John). (Did you catch that?) Jane has told me that she heard my relationship was going well from John, so I'm assuming that my boyfriend has talked about my relationship with his friends. Which is good I also went ice-skating with him and met one of his friends.

He has told me about his family, but we have never met because they live in another country!!!

He has also invited me to cookouts with his friend but plans changed and a lot of times my work schedule hasn't permitted me to go.

Also, I don't know if he wants sex now or just wants to be more physical (like touching my breasts, etc.). However I"m not comfortable with that....and I feel like if I let him get all the way to second base this soon, that the question of sex will come up WAY too soon.

Oh, and I've been to his apartment and "his part of town". He's showed me where he works, some of his favorite restaurants, things like that....

[Wakeup]

Okay, so you're doing nice relationship building activities which is good. Now, stop worrying and don't be afraid to nip his advances in the bud if you're not ready to have sex with him. A lot of woman don't put any value on their virginity which is fine if that's their mind-set however; I think that one should at least feel safe and know without doubt that they will not regret losing it to the person they first have it with even if the relationship doesn't last a lifetime. I'm thinking knowing that and feeling safe with 100% certainty takes longer than 1 month. Other people's milage may vary.

He knows you're a virgin and if he respects you he'll tone it down a little. While you're keeping it in mind that if he's like most men, he'll need to be shown in a physical way how much you are into him. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to have intercourse with him until you're absolutely ready.

Have fun and have open, honest and straight forward convos about this whenever necessary for BOTH of your piece of mind.

[maxmax]

Now are you sure he came in his pants?

If he did it would be pretty obivous, and kinda messy.

Most guys would be petrified at that happening, and pretty embarassed. Who knows, maybe he likes that kinda thing.

If perhaps it seems as though his pants are a 'bit' wet, then that's just 'man lube' ...

But if he is cumming in his pants, well, he needs to pull himself together (or pull himself off before meeting up with you.)

[Sonrisa]

Now are you sure he came in his pants?

If he did it would be pretty obivous, and kinda messy.

Most guys would be petrified at that happening, and pretty embarassed. Who knows, maybe he likes that kinda thing.

If perhaps it seems as though his pants are a 'bit' wet, then that's just 'man lube' ...

But if he is cumming in his pants, well, he needs to pull himself together (or pull himself off before meeting up with you.)

really? i don't see anything wrong with it. it's the same as a girl getting wet and there's nothing she can do stop it.