Alright I've posted about this before, but its grown into something entirely different. I thought the right things would make it easier but it has just made it the most complex its ever been. I'm very frustrated and I need to hear opinions. Not bias ones or ones that treat this like its a typical situation. Thanks in advance.
About a year ago I met a girl. She was nice, really cute, etc. So we went thru the whole hang out at her place and go to a few parties together, etc. Well, apparently she and her bf were 'on a break' at this time. This apparently was her first bf, and they have been together for more than a couple years. They also have been on more than a few breaks. But she decideds they're getting back together, whatever. Well she continues to text me and whatnot, but everytime I ask to hang she shoots me down. So eventually I decided forget it I'm not dealin with that. I stopped talkin to her for a few months.
Then out of the blue she text me one day and says I miss talkin ta you. So we talk some more for a few more months but I don't dare say anything flirty etc becuz I don't wanna get in that situation. Well then June rolls around and one night she decides to tell me how she tells me 'I like eyes and smile in a guy that always gets me' and so I just w/o really thinkin say 'well I have that' and she says 'yeah you do, I've always liked that about you.' Well I already knew we had good conversation and now she was complimenting my physical looks and when that happens the bells and whistles start going off in your head like dude go get her. So we got a little more flirty.
She also happened to be moving into a house about 15 minutes from me. So she went from about an hour away to that. And her roomates weren't moving in until september. So on one of her first nights here she text me and says 'I don't know this area, meet me for dinner or I won't know where to go,' I'm like ok she wants to go out but doesn wanna say so. So we went to eat that night then a few more times. All the while she's still technically with the bf.
So I go outta town for a couple weeks and we still talk regularly, and then I finally said on one of my last nights down there like look, I'm not gonna be the dinner once a week kinda guy. I never see you and you get the best of me while I just deal with the bad part of you a lot or when you have problems and I'm not doing that. She said you're right, cried and that was that.
Then once I got back into town, the next day, she calls me and ask me to come to her house so we can talk. I had never actually been to this house, when we hung before it was at the old place. So I went there, and we ate then talked and laughed an watched a movie together, etc. It went well. We did that a few times actually. Then one night one thing led to another and we made out. Nothin more but it was definitely passionate. She text me and said sorry that wasn supposed to happen I'm just going to confuse things more, maybe we should talk. Well I said fine if that's what you want. She made it a whole 12 hours before she texted me again. I told her that she coulda told me to leave and she said 'that woulda been too hard.' Then like two times later I actually stayed at her house. It wasn intentional but I will say this, she usually leaves her garage door open so when I leave she can shut it. When we were goin into her room to watch the movie she said 'should I close the door?' Making it pretty obvious what was goin on. She fell asleep in my arms and didn wake up until the storm scared her and we just got closer and it was a good night.
I should point out to that she makes it a point to tell me everytime her bf screws up. The two latest offenses have been that she told him she wanted to go to a concert, he agreed to go, and once they got there he told her she needed to pay for his ticket because she was the one that wanted to go. Then this weekend, he called her at 7AM and asked her to come pick him up from a party because he doesn't have a car and his brother didn come, so once she got in her car and halfway there, he called and told her oh nevermind so and so took me. Complete BS. Doesn treat her right at all. She wanted these rinky dink sunglasses because she's a shades person, so I went and paid the 8 buck for them or w/e. She said 'no one buys me anything except my mom' I asked what about the other guy and she said he doesn because he never has any money because he's got no job. After the incident this weekend she told me she talked to her mom about it and she told her that she has enough friends and doesn need him. That's her own mother.
So lately I've been pushing to go out places in public. I offered to take her out a few times to dinner or concerts, etc. The consistent answerr is 'I want to but I can't.' So today I asked her what that means and she said 'I wanna go with you but I can't because of the situation' we use that term a lot 'the situation.' I'm getting more and more annoyed with this. What happens next month when her roomates move in the house with her? Do we never get to see each other then becuz we have to hide? And really, most importantly, I just got a really nice job offer but its states away. I don't wanna leave anything with her behind but don't wanna be a sucker either.
I had this conversation with her this morning. I said this is eventually going to go one way or the other. She said she couldn tell me I'd ever be more than he second option, because she would say yes but has to see if what they had is gone. I said I respect that but how long do I hang around on this limb for you. I have no problem being here but how long do I stay. She said she can't tell me when to walk away and she doesn kno how long she would. I said would it bother you if I didn't. She said 'its your choice... You did it before, I dealt with it' which to me sounds like I wouldn like it. I said 'I did it before becuz I felt like it was what I had to do, but it sucked everyday." And she says, 'well, like I said, its your choice.'
And that's where we left it. I have no idea what to say or do. I would walk away easily if I thought that's what she wanted, but I don't think she does. Were talkin a girl I spent 16 hours straight with just last week. I care for her a lot. I know her problems and her happiness. I know her mannerisms. I know her home life. A lot about her. It would probably be one of the hardest things I ever did to walk away right now when were closer than ever and things seem so rocky with the bf. But at the same time, life is going on around me while I wait to see if she decides she can fix a broken relationship. The biggest thing is is that I know that they are probably beyond repair, but its up to her. She likes to say 'well it was so good for a few years' and then I tell her things and people change and she agrees she just is stubborn and persistent to a fault. Plus I think it factors in that he knows her family and vice versa, while I'm from out of town.
Sorry for the long message, but my basic question is this. What do I do now? Do I keep playin this game in the shadows? Or do I do the tough thing and walk away and hope she misses me as much as I think she would? Please help. Need your best advice. Thanks.