I need your best advice....

[confused2207]

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter! None of your business. All you need to be concerned about is that she does not leave him and that it looks like she never will. Besides, do you honestly think they are'nt having sex? Please! If she wasn't doing him regular then likely he'd have left her by now.

Good job in learning a valuable life lesson, Evo. Kudos!

I honestly think she may leave him if she has another good option, but I may have clouded vision. And I know they aren't. You think I'm stupid for doing what I'm doing? Try this one out. The guy knows me. Were not friends, but we've met. And she has commented to her about how he can tell she has a thing for me. One night when they were going to a baseball game together and I happened to be meeting some friends over at the game too, she decided to park where I was parking. So we walked over together and while he waited becuz he parked somewhere else. After the game he told her hed walk her to her car or drive her there. She said 'no, I'm walking with (me)". And he let that be ok. She's definitely running things in that relationship.

I also am sure because she is, for lack of a better term "out of his league"

[smackie9]

From what you have just said.......he is just as much of a fool as you. She controls him and she now controls you too.

[smackie9]

Shes no angel....

[confused2207]

So here's an update on this....

I went to her house Friday. About an hour after the bf left... But I needed to talk about this. I asked her how her and he were doing. She said 'ok I guess' so then I asked 'how many times is he gonna screw up and you try to fix it or let it be ok?' And she said 'idk, I guess one of these days I'll just snap, but I'm too stubborn' and so then as we were lyin there I took out the papers that I have to send it to accept the job and ask her if she knows what that is. She looks thru them and turns away and says 'take it, you can't turn that down' 'I said I know, it would be tough, but I don't know if I want to." She says 'what's holding you back?" So I said don't be stupid, if that's the way you feel then we shouldn be at this point and we need to stop this.

And then as I'm about to let her go I feel her quiver and so I lean over and she has those silent tears rolling out of her eyes. I said what's wrong then? She says "I just have all these thoughts flying around my head, with him I'm mad every other day, he doesn't get along with my family, I don't get along with his, and that's not what I'm looking for, but its been 4 and a half, almost 5 years. I don't know if I wanna give that up yet.... But then with you, when you're here, I'm just so.... Happy!I don't know how else to say it. Its just us and I'm always so happy when I'm with you...." I said "I don't understand that... If you're happy and I'm happy then how are we supposed to walk away from it, why cant it work." All she had was mumbling about "almost 5 years, too stubborn.." Etc. Then she changed the subject, and then made it increasingly difficult for me to leave her house and not stay there again, and it was hard for her to let me.

The next morning I text her early before work and said "the biggest issue I have is that just like I know it was hard for you to let me go last night and leave, don't act like it wasn. And don't act like when you're with him, you're not thinking about me, and when you look in his eyes you wish it was me. If I'm wrong say I'm wrong..." Later that day she text me back and said "I can't, because you're not wrong."

I haven't said anything back and the plan is not to. The only thing I wanna tell her is that I can make her happy, but I can't make her choose happiness. Some people might think it was all words to her, and didn mean anything. But I know it did, because I saw her tears, I heard the pain in her voice, and I felt the fear when she had to let me go. and I don't understand it still, but I understand that its not healthy for me to have to peel myself away from her every few nights and wonder if that will be the last time. Part of me thinks that if we keep it going it will make her understand that its what she really wants, but its been this long, and she couldn give me a guarantee that she and the bf would be done. So. I have to walk away. And it sucks. B/c we talk about everything for hours and have chemistry. But. there's no sense in making her happy if being happy isn't enough, b/c she says she knows she is missing out but she isn't going to think about herself. If she can't choose me, I can't continue to try and choose her.

That's all I got....

[confused2207]

Ok one more thing...

Someone tell me that this is the right thing I'm doing. Because I'm finding it hard to justify just dropping everything when she is brought to tears by the thought of me not being around her anymore and it hurts me too. I don't know this stuff backwards and forwards but I feel like if she's happy when were together and so am I then why are we doing this...

[Wakeup]

We've been telling you to kick her borderlined personalitied ass to the curb this whole thread so why would you think anything different then you are doing the right thing? This is ending exactly how it normally ends. Its not a surpise.

He gives her something you can't give her... He makes her miserable and that is all she knows and that's all that makes her comfortable. If she does get with you, she will be soon looking for someone behind your back as well because she's addicted to drama.

Good luck in your new job. Forget her and learn a lesson in that you should immediately distance yourself emotionally and physically from any woman who is already taken. you now suffer from your own poor Karma. Sorry dude. Learn the lesson and you'll heal quicker.

[smackie9]

Face it, you are not enough for her to leave a 5 year relationship....that is what she tells you. She still loves him, so much so she will not leave him, she still has hope for things to get better. Even IF, now I say if she leaves the relationship, I guarantee you she will go back to him because she will miss him and feel a lot of guilt.

You are making a bad choice here to try to pull someone away from their long term relationship. It is wrong. She is not in any mental state to even begin a new relationship....she is just using as her emotional tampon....you are being sucked in on a promise to be with her....its not going to end the way you want, you must take that job and start a new life away from this.