PANTS!!! Stoopid no smoking
Haven't slept in three nights, like not at all. I think it's because of the patches because this happened when I first started using them. Felt so tired yesterday I ended up throwing a sickie from work.
Now I can handle the not sleeping bit but what's getting me really down is I keep thinking about Karen my ex. I just can't get her out of my head probably because I'm just lying in bed and my brain is going off on one. I can distract myself for a while by sticking the TV on or listening to some music but as soon as I'm back on the pillow and trying to sleep up she pops again.
But the bit that's starting to freak me out and why I'm feeling so low is I'm starting to get really angry thoughts going on. I could understand it if I was lying there trying to figure out how to win her back but I'm not, I'm lying there trying to figure out if it would be better to blow her car up with her in it using a remote controlled buggy or to hack into the pentagons satellite system and get a drone to bomb it when she goes to drive away. I'm sure neither is particulary healthy things to be thinking.
I'm pissed that I'm even thinking of her even in a negative way. I don't want her back, I don't even like her as a person after what she did so why the fark can't I just let this go.
Maybe I should just start smoking again until I get everything back to normal and try quitting again later but I've gone three weeks now and I really don;t want to give up but this no sleeping and thinking of her all over again is doing my head in