Is this...normal?

[im_in_love]

One of my friends seems to have... ego issues, I guess you could say. He constantly talks about sex, girls, things he does, how he treats girls, etc. It seems like he's constantly trying to portray this womanizer appearance to his friends, and sometimes even strangers (which gets very embarrassing to be around)

He takes it very far. I have a hard time distinguishing when he's lying and telling the truth. As of recently, I've decided to just assume everything he says is a lie (I'll explain this in a little bit) and up until now I've just shrugged it off and let him do whatever makes him feel better about himself, but lately it's starting to really bug me that he's flat out lying to me about everything.

We've been pretty good friends for about 8 years now, and this ego stuff started probably 4 or 5 years ago. The things he lies about are very intricate and he creates a whole back story to answer almost any question someone throws at him. He tells me stories (randomly, without me prompting anything) about how he has girls hit on him, and has sex with these seemingly random girls. More often than not he'll show me a picture of the girl. All of the pictures of the girls are so very obviously from porn sites or are models. Some even have writing in the bottom of a website. He also shows me the same pictures or the same girls multiple times (I imagine this is because he can't keep track of who he's told his stories to) and I never point it out, I just let him go on. His stories will often contradict eachother as well, or he'll tell me the same story multiple times, and things will change from time to time.

He's made more than one fake Facebook profiles of girls (again, using models' photos) and tried to talk to me, and to get his girlfriend jealous. It's so obvious they're fake that I went so far as to Google image search one of the pictures he used for his most recent "girl fling" that's getting his current girlfriend all riled up - a porn site came up with the same exact picture he used for the Facebook account. I haven't told his girlfriend, as it's not my place to cause drama with them. But he treats her so terribly, and uses this fake Facebook girl to get his GF extremely mad, upset, and jealous. It's flat out wrong, and I think it's got to be a sign of some sort of mental disorder, as he's done this for years. A couple years ago he made a fake profile of his "old friend" who he, of course, hooked up with multiple times (I got the details on that one as well) and called me one night saying she died while driving to come see him, and how bad he felt, etc. I looked up her picture that was on her profile, and again, it was a model/porn star. He's creating these fake people to get attention and to get people to like him.

I'm so sick of him lying to me, and I'm genuinely concerned about his mental health. I've caught him off guard a few times by asking very detailed questions about his stories. The most recent one was how he killed someone by defending himself after getting attacked by some guy with a weapon. I asked why it wasn't on the news, and he said he didn't know but that he wouldn't want it on the news because it's his business only. Then he said the officer on the scene said that if he hadn't killed the man, the amount of drugs in his system would have (he told me the story just hours after it happened) - I asked how they got drug screens back that fast, and how he would have known right away after it happened. It took him a while to respond to that one, kind of threw him off, and he said he didn't know. I happen to work in a medical lab and know just how long it takes to do drug and tox screens, even for investigations such as this, and it would not have gotten back that fast. He ended up changing the subject and got awkward and a little mad.

My question is this - is this something to be seriously concerned about, and something that should be addressed? Should I talk to him about how I don't like being deceived and lied to? I'm mostly concerned that this is a sign of a serious mental disorder, and that he makes himself believe these stories he makes up.

[im_in_love]

Also to add, the most recent fake profile he made of a girl also comes with stories about hooking up/hanging out with this girl a lot. He even pretends to get texts from her when I'm with him. He claimed she sent him a dirty text once when we were hanging out, so I asked if I could see it. He kind of paused, then fooled around with his phone and came up with an email of a porn picture. I then proceeded to tell him to have this girl text me so I could get to know her, and offered that we hang out with her since we had nothing else to do. He said she was at work (in the middle of the night) and couldn't hang out or text. He also claimed she had an amazing engineering job at a company that I happen to know is not open in the middle of the night. I asked how she got a degree at such a young age (she's barely 18) he said he didn't know and that he didn't think she had one. I said I highly doubt such a prestigious company would hire an engineer without a degree, unless it was an unpaid internship. He shut up very fast.

[MaidenMinx]

wow, what a warped friend you have there.

Wouldn't it be easier just to stop associating with him?

[jb1111983]

Not normal. I think he's mentally fooked up!
I feel sorry for his blonde gf!

[bulrush]

This is not normal, because of the depth and breadth of his lies. I would say it's common for teenage boys to go through a phase like this, with a little exaggeration, but not with this depth. (Personally I think it's due to insecurity issues.) Plus, a phase implies that the phase ends sometime as they grow up. I would say this guy is a habitual liar and simply cannot control himself. Be on the watch for other dangerous behaviors, maybe stealing or drugs. Not saying he will be dangerous, just keep an eye out for things, like if he says he beats his "girlfriends" or if he calls them "b_tches" (which crosses a line for me).

[devonbrown]

It is normal for guys to lie about their conquests. Sexual and otherwise. Some girls do it too. Anyone remember George Glass, Jan Brady's imaginary Canadian boyfriend on The Brady Bunch?

But I agree that this is a little too much. Hopefully it is a phase. He is obviously very creative and he needs to channel that creativity properly.
I also agree he is using it for attention. That is a low self-esteem issue. He doesn't feel good enough to get attention on his own. Hopefully some of that will change as he gets older as well.

But the biggest red flag to look out for is if he actually starts believing in his lies as if they are reality. I would continue to call him out on them, but privately. Don't try to embarrass him or anything like that. And if his behavior starts to change when you start to unravel his fictitious world, then there would be cause for concern.

Good luck.

[im_in_love]

Thanks for the replies you guys! I wanted an outside perspective just in case I was blowing it out of proportion.

Also, he's not a teenager, he's a grown man in his mid twenties. Which makes this even more weird. He happens to like younger girls mainly, for some reason (I personally think this is a self esteem issue as well)

He's got kids with a girl substantially younger than he is, whom he is no longer with. I'm really thinking this whole thing is a self esteem issue. For some reason he thinks he has to live up to some title (where he got that idea, I have no clue) and even though I would MUCH rather have him not be like this around me and just be normal (I can't stand and really do not want to hear his sexual stories or anything like that from him as I am not attracted to him in the least) And he's like this around EVERYONE, leading me to believe he's starting to actually believe these stories, instead of just trying to impress certain friends.

[MaidenMinx]

So you want to continue to be mates with him because.....?

[im_in_love]

So you want to continue to be mates with him because.....?

Because he's actually a good friend, when he's not talking himself up. He's amazing with listening and advice, and really fun to be around - he only does this stuff, I would say, %30 of the time we are with each other. But whenever we hang out with other friends, he's like that constantly. So I mainly stick to hanging out with him one on one.

[MaidenMinx]

Because he's actually a good friend, when he's not talking himself up. He's amazing with listening and advice, and really fun to be around - he only does this stuff, I would say, %30 of the time we are with each other. But whenever we hang out with other friends, he's like that constantly. So I mainly stick to hanging out with him one on one.

Cool, that's really good to hear.

Try to keep subtly calling him on his shit. Maybe with time he'll quit the BS around you at the very least. Sometimes these things can slowly fracture friendships and if he is that good a mate you don't want this to wear on you.