Buddha has my man!

[emarie]

I have been with my man for five years. We do not live together. He has asked me to marry him, we agreed on a long engagement. I am in my early 40's with teenage children . He loves my kids. He is in his 50's never been married no kids. We are both financially independent. He's always been very romantic loving and attentive. He still calls me everyday to hear my voice.
Recently his fathers Alzheimers had turned for the worse I understand the stress of caring for his father and have offered help. Now he has become very distant. He told me he is a Buddhist. And as a Buddhist he is against attachment. Weather Im there or not dose not affect him. He will have sex with me and take pleasure in it but will not say he wants me. ( I am attractive that is not the problem). Heres an example of a conversation

Him- Hi what are you doing Saturday night

Me- I have no plans, what are you doing

Him-well if you want to drop by I,ll be there.

Me-Do you want me to come over

Him- I don't want for anything I'm a Buddhist if you come over great if you don't that's fine doesn't bother me either way.

I feel very insignificant and undesired. His favorite line right now is "this too shall pass" I always felt so desired and loved by him. Now I am just a pebble on his path to enlightenment. Oh but then he says he still loves me.

[MaidenMinx]

To me, it sounds like he is turning to his religion in his time of stress.

Tell him how it makes you feel.

Are you religious?

[emarie]

I'm an atheist.
My man has given me books to read so I will understand where he is coming from.But I cant get passed the idea of following a man who abandoned his wife and child to find enlightenment. I can handle almost every other religion , except one that except one that expects you to give up all feelings to gain nothingness.

[pisces25]

Lay Buddhists generally aren't against attachments, it is about how the attachments are perceived. Unless he intends on becoming a monk then he should be following the path as a layperson, who are quite capable of having a functioning relationship. May I ask how long he has been practicing for?

He will have sex with me and take pleasure in it but will not say he wants me.

I don't think this has anything to do with being a Buddhist.

In any case MM is right you need to tell him how you feel. Be warned though that some people that find the path find an inner peace and happiness they have never known before and not intentionally can start to neglect people and activities that previously brought them pleasure. An open and honest discussion is what is required. Also, maybe read a little bit on Buddhism so you can get a feel for where he is coming from and what he may be feeling/thinking when he makes such comments.

[emarie]

He has been interested in Buddhism for a few years . Just in the past month he has acted like a Buddhist. He's a capitalist republican!! I don't think that works with Buddhism!

[pisces25]

except one that expects you to give up all feelings to gain nothingness.

Don't think that is what it is about but in any case that isn't really the question in focus here.

Like MaidenMinx said he could be throwing himself into it at this point as a reaction to his father's illness. Have you actually spoken to him about how you feel? What does he say?

[emarie]

Sorry if I went to far with the religion. I have nothing against Buddhists or other religions. I think he's using the religion as an excuse to not confront his feelings about his father. And I don't know how to help him.

[emarie]

I told him I understood this is a stressful time for him and Im always here if he needs me even if its just to vent or hold him.
He says what stress? I have no stress!

[emarie]

I had worked in a nursing home for years, I had offered my help. He reffers to it as babysitting his father as though it is a burden. I no longer have my father, and I do love his family and they are good to me. At first he wanted me to go with him on his visits , then he changed his mind and dosnt want me there.

[MaidenMinx]

I told him I understood this is a stressful time for him and Im always here if he needs me even if its just to vent or hold him.
He says what stress? I have no stress!

Sounds like he is trying to force his own beliefs on himself if that makes sense.

[emarie]

Than You to all who have replied . This has helped me to talk it out.

[surfhb]

I think he's lost his marbles

[maxmax]

Him- I don't want for anything I'm a Buddhist if you come over great if you don't that's fine doesn't bother me either way.

If he doesn't want 'anything' then he shouldn't be in a relationship.

This sentence is quite insulting as it suggests your 'presence' is insignficant to him.

Perhaps he is misunderstanding Buddhism.

[Wakeup]

I have been with my man for five years. We do not live together. He has asked me to marry him, we agreed on a long engagement. I am in my early 40's with teenage children . He loves my kids. He is in his 50's never been married no kids. We are both financially independent. He's always been very romantic loving and attentive. He still calls me everyday to hear my voice.
Recently his fathers Alzheimers had turned for the worse I understand the stress of caring for his father and have offered help. Now he has become very distant. He told me he is a Buddhist. And as a Buddhist he is against attachment. Weather Im there or not dose not affect him. He will have sex with me and take pleasure in it but will not say he wants me. ( I am attractive that is not the problem). Heres an example of a conversation

Him- Hi what are you doing Saturday night

Me- I have no plans, what are you doing

Him-well if you want to drop by I,ll be there.

Me-Do you want me to come over

Him- I don't want for anything I'm a Buddhist if you come over great if you don't that's fine doesn't bother me either way.

I feel very insignificant and undesired. His favorite line right now is "this too shall pass" I always felt so desired and loved by him. Now I am just a pebble on his path to enlightenment. Oh but then he says he still loves me.

Does he make you shout out Jesus's name when you're with him?

Now I've heard everything. A guy using Buddhism as an excuse to have unstringed sex.

[emarie]

Yes he,s that good in bed that he makes an Atheist call out to god.