Girlfriend and I are beginning to have trust issues, need advice.

[noname86]

Hello All-

So a little background on me and my girlfriend's relationship first. Been together almost 3 years, intend on proposing at the end of Sept, even got the ring already. With that said....

We've had few issues over the course of our relationship, but they've been serious issues I think. I feel that I am a pretty lenient boyfriend, rarely do I get jealous, I encourage male friends, etc, I don't mind when she remarks about some celebrity or what not being sexy, etc. However back, about 8 months in our relationship she always flirted with this guy, and it ended up that she sent naked pictures of herself to him, and he to her. She didn't tell me for about a week after, and obviously after that I was pretty upset with her. But we worked it out, or at least I thought we did.

About 5 months after that, she goes and does it again with the same guy...I don't like him and I express my opinion now about how much I'd like them to stop talking, but nothing ever came of that.

Well this past Friday, we were out with a friend, a guy who is married (we met him and his wife at a wedding, they were nice people). The night starts out fine, they are talking about hospital stuff (they are both in the medical field), and they kind of have their own convo, well it turns from that to her grabbing onto his arm and kinda flirting with him to the point where I had her attention maybe 20% of the whole night. After I confronted her about it she gets offensive, and says she had 5 glasses of beer and that I wasn't paying enough attention to her.

So there is my issue, even if I wasn't paying enough attention (which I always do, but we haven't seen each other as much as we'd like to the past months on account of me finishing school) that gives her no right to do what she did. It's a serious issue to me now, as it makes me lose trust. And somehow this is always twisted out to be my fault, that I don't pay enough attention (even though I pay for EVERYTHING, I drive 20 miles to see her a lot of times, we see eachother maybe 5 out of 7 days each weekm etc).

How should I approach this situation now?

[rafterman]

If you can get hold of the naked pictures of her, send them to her mother,with a note....." This tramp is your daughter, nice hey". Oh and take the ring back, and put the money into something a bit more worth while.

[TheChris]

Rafterman, that was classy. lol

[TheChris]

Honestly friend, I don't think she is the one for you. I know that is hard to accept and painful to realize, but dude, shes eventually going to (yes Im going there) have sex without you. She isnt looking for serious, she is looking for fun and stimulating. Its not your fault, its just where she is at mentally. There is nothing that you can do but just brace yourself for it... However, on the other hand, you can always give her a chance and embrace that she needs more stimulating interaction, have sex more often, different and exotic things to keep her mentally attracted to you too.

Again, its a long shot, but if you desire to reaffirm your suspicions, we can always try something more... what shall we call it... spy-guy? Just throwing it out there. Peace and love friend.

-Chris.

[pisces25]

She indeed looks like she is looking for attention elsewhere and this is a huge red flag. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, put that ring on her finger whilst you are feeling this way. Don't convince yourself by proposing she will change or look at the relationship differently. My only advice is sort this out and then consider the future. She is being rather disrespectful to you and obviously does not learn her lesson. You have every right to feel mistrust and frankly without trust a relationship is as good as dead.

[devonbrown]

She craves attention from others. That will not stop. Add to that that you are a "lenient" boyfriend (to use your words).

She sees you as a doormat. Have a little more respect for yourself. Expect out of her what you give to the relationship. If you can't do that, I don't think she is the person you want to be with. She will just continue to use you and you will eventually grow to resent her.