How Common is it for people to think marriage, kids is unnecessary?

[richardwordoff]

How common is it for people to think marriage is unnecessary? I don't dislike kids but I don't think I would want any of my own. Also, marriage seems like a silly concept. The pomp and circumstance around them is really expensive and marriage itself causes lots of legal changes/problems. If you really love someone and want to be with them why don't you both just be adults and commit to each other instead of having to make it so official?

Since I'm not serious with anyone this isn't a time critical discussion, but (maybe unnecessarily so) every time I think about asking a girl out I'm concerned if we do get together what will happen when she hears I don't want kids and think that marriage isn't necessary. Not as worried about the kids thing, but I can just see like 95% of women give me a "what the hell is wrong with you?" look when I mention the marriage thing. I don't want to make assumptions here but it seems like marriage is a fantasy for lots of younger women.

Also, the other problem I have with marriage is at least half fail and even more people stay in marriages where they dislike the other person because it is too expensive to get out of or they have kids to take care of. That is why I think the expense of getting married and all the ceremony, legal changes, etc. is overkill. Also, a woman will probably NOT sign a prenuptial agreement and even though you HOPE you can trust her people can change a lot in 5-10 years or even a couple years. Some people also reveal things about themselves that they would never say when they thought their relationship wasn't as stable (before marriage). I've seen plenty of people have marriages that ended up where people got screwed (losing half a life's worth of possessions, alimony, child support, etc.) and quite frankly I'm paranoid about the *chance* that could happen to me.

[tooxshort]

Actually, that's a growing trend nowadays. A lot of friends of mine are opting not to get married, but to simply make a commitment to each other.

... but it could be more common in areas where religious beliefs are less prominent.

[tremolo]

I am personally very into marriage and would not date a man who wasn't into it as well. However, I am one of a few women I know who does not want children. I also have no interest in all the wedding hoo-hah that comes along with marriage, but would be perfectly happy eloping, with a minimal ceremony...

[Vanity]

Well you can look at marriage from a different perspective, like for instance all the benefits that come along with tying the knot.

[url=http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html]Marriage Rights and Benefits - Free Legal Information - Nolo[/url]

Other than that it is a matter of choice, in this day and age it becoming increasingly less uncommon for couples to opt not to get married and yes, to not have kids.

I am one of the people who do wish to get married, if only for the romance and memories.

[Mathias]

I am personally very into marriage and would not date a man who wasn't into it as well. However, I am one of a few women I know who does not want children. I also have no interest in all the wedding hoo-hah that comes along with marriage, but would be perfectly happy eloping, with a minimal ceremony...

Why are you so into marriage then? What does it give you that a long-term, stable relationship doesn't?

[smackie9]

You think its tough being a guy that doesn't want to get married and have kids? Its even hard being a women that doesn't want any of that....people think there's something wrong with me too. For years people were quite rude about it too calling me selfish. Needless to say I'm quite pissed at their attitude about it.

When I met my guy, on our third date I told him straight up no marriage, no kids...if he wanted those things then it was over for us.

[richardwordoff]

That makes me feel a little better about it. I guess I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it if I weren't scared as crap ending up with a failed marriage (50% of them do fail, 40% are unhappy, the other 10% are happy and still married I hear) and possibly paying alimony, and most likely losing a lot of the possessions I worked hard a long time to get. If it were at all possible I'd have a house and a car bought and paid for before any marriage occurred and have a prenuptial agreement.

Like I said, I know a lot of people who have had failed marriages. My cousin's lasted a couple months. My uncle's didn't last long. My parents probably would have broke it off if not for us children. And the number of people I know goes on... Because of this I approach the subject in a much more cautious manner than others do. I'd say at least a small part of not wanting kids is the fear of what would happen in a failed marriage. Most of it is not wanting the responsibility and just not having a strong urge to.

smackie9: You told him that on the third date?! That seems way early to me. Good to know there are women like you out there though!

What also bothers me is that I am notoriously bad at getting dates. So if I actually got a girlfriend it would be hard for me to eventually have to end it if she wanted marriage and/or kids because I'd be worried it would be forever before I got another date!

[smackie9]

In Canada common law is the same as being married. You get all the same benefits. And yes my old man can take half my shit if we split.

[robertdawson]

smackie9: That is why I was talking about having my house and car paid for and in my name. Common law can't take half of your stuff if you got it before "marriage".

[im_in_love]

Personally, as a woman, I am not interested in marriage or kids either. I'm in my mid twenties and I don't see the need for marriage. In my state, domestic partners get shared benefits just the same as married couples do. And yes, domestic partners are considered ANY long-term relationship if you live with each other, whether that be a straight or gay relationship (you actually only need proof that you've lived together for atleast ONE day). I would only be interested in marriage for shared benefits.

As for the kids part, I just plain don't like kids.

[Enigmos]

I am almost 40 and am proud to say that I have not ever accidentally nor purposefully gotten pregnant. I am at the home stretch of my personal marathon to not have children; though my extended family is huge and has provided representatives for the next generation, I am indifferent to children. My reasons for not wanting kids run the gamut, but the main ones are environmental (love that my carbon footprint ends with me), energetic (economic, physical), and, most significantly, my own personal desire to make my human mate my number one priority.

As for marriage, I have been married, and the only things I have to show for it are a damaged pocketbook and self esteem. It's not something I need to do again in my life.

To the OP, follow your heart. Do not let anyone coerce you into marriage or children if your heart does not truly belong there. The no marriage or no kids viewpoints are quite uncommon ones, and it takes a mentally-strong individual to walk this path, but, while you can get divorced (at least in most parts of the world), you can't get rid of kids. Good luck!

[bluesummer]

smackie9: That is why I was talking about having my house and car paid for and in my name. Common law can't take half of your stuff if you got it before "marriage".

Sorry, not true. I know of a couple of common-law 'divorces' (clients of mine) where the spouse took half of everything.....even if the house was bought before the relationship. They're also entitled to alimony and half your work pension.

There are lots of women I know that aren't interested in kids, I know some that have kids but don't want marriage. I have yet to meet one that wants neither. It doesn't mean they don't exist, they're just rare.

[robertdawson]

Common law can do that huh? Well heck then, we will be living in separate places! Either that or renters. No way I'm going to bust my ass to pay for a house and then get it taken away.

[richardwordoff]

"Sorry, not true. I know of a couple of common-law 'divorces' (clients of mine) where the spouse took half of everything.....even if the house was bought before the relationship. They're also entitled to alimony and half your work pension."

I did not know that. Man, that sounds terrible.

[Evo1114]

I also have no interest in all the wedding hoo-hah that comes along with marriage, but would be perfectly happy eloping, with a minimal ceremony...

Awesome. I do want to get married someday, and I suppose once I find somebody worthwhile, the idea of kids would be more appealing, but as far as weddings go, I've always said a courthouse wedding with only the people that, by law, need to be there. I don't need a huge wedding to prove how few friends I have and to prove how much money I can waste. In fact, in my dream world, I would just get married without telling anybody and then have everybody find out from something like a Facebook status update. Gotta find somebody who would be down with that plan! I have been told it would be impossible...that no woman would accept that. Though we shall see.

I am also highly against the 'requirement' of spending life savings on an expensive piece of jewelry just to be able to get married. Blah. I could rant for hours over that one.