please help me, is she the right one?

[robert_h]

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 8 months now. In the beginning was attracted to her, but not crazy attracted. I thought she looked OK. I was more into the qualities she had. Honest, smart, good person etc.. We have been going out for some time now and we had our difficulties on and off. I can't say we argued toooo much but we had our arguments.

From time to time I feel I don't have feelings for her. Other times when I look at her I think "wow, she is the most beautiful person on this planet, I can't wait to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. She is no doubt the one for me" And other times I just have a hard time finding my feelings for her. I look at her and have trouble finding the attraction.

Usually she is all over me all the time and over whelms me. I noticed when she takes a step back my feeling arise. But then the next day she is all over me, and it dies out on my end. Why am I like this? How come sometimes everything feels wonderful and perfect and sometimes I am not feeling in love, attracted and feel like spending the rest of my life with her?

I can't break up because I am in the middle, sometimes I like her and sometimes not. What am I suppose to do? Deep down inside I feel I can have a great life with her. She is an amazing person.

One more thing, we have not had sex yet. Maybe my attraction will grow after we have sex? I don't feel I need to impress her, be nice to her or do anything at all.. because she is so in love that she does not care about anything.

She is also a crazy pet lover, she loves animals. She has two dogs and a cat and I am not sure I like animals. It's her biggest hobby and I don't even like animals. Is she the right one?

I really want to make this work, please help me

[HeartIsAching]

If you have to ask, the answer is no.

[robert_h]

But then why do I feel I will never find someone as beautfiful and good as her? I am sure I will never find one.,

[HeartIsAching]

You are wrong. Never settle... or someday you'll be in a committed relationship with the wrong person when the right one shows up.

Learn From My Fail.

[Phoenix23]

I think the real issue here is that you've got some kind of mental block or issue that is rising up to convince you she's not the one.

I don't believe you'd keep having the feelings you do for her for so long if there wasn't truth to them.

The emotional deadness that comes on you is most likely not the true way you feel about her, but may be some issue you've got to resolve with yourself before you can stop questioning and just love her fully all the time.
Maybe her intimacy shuts you down for some reason. Or maybe when she pulls away it's fear of losing her that ignites how you really feel.

Or maybe you're stuck in the cycle of wondering if there's someone better out there, and that is shutting you down until you go without her and realize she's all you really need in life.

[robert_h]

@heatisaching: Did you feel similar to what I am feeling now? I feel she is the perfect woman, she is perfect in every way and she is just perfect! I just don't feel the attraction/love and that towards her. Maybe it grows with time? Maybe it comes after having sex? Please advice..!

[Phoenix23]

Well I might be in a similar situation to you... I don't have a sense of infatuation, butterflies in the chest - But I do have a deeper love for her to the point where I keep thinking about the great life we could have together, and how I'd do anything for her.

I've found these feelings puzzling myself, because it's the first time I've had one kind of love without the other, which made me question if maybe that meant we should just be friends.

I think what happened is that because I never went through an infatuation stage, but was always guarded about the relationship to see if it would work out, I started to slowly develop love for her and it became the more lasting kind.



I do actually have a problem where one day I can think we're not meant to be, and the next I remember why I love her so much. But this is really has more to do with her emotional instability and unresolved issues that hurt the relationship (so when we have conflict, which is fairly frequent, it pushes us apart, as I withdraw to protect my heart not being sure if this relationship can work out in the end), rather than your situation where you seem to shut down emotionally for no apparent reason. Leading me to believe the problem must be on your side.

[robert_h]

Well I might be in a similar situation to you... I don't have a sense of infatuation, butterflies in the chest - But I do have a deeper love for her to the point where I keep thinking about the great life we could have together, and how I'd do anything for her.

I've found these feelings puzzling myself, because it's the first time I've had one kind of love without the other, which made me question if maybe that meant we should just be friends.

I think what happened is that because I never went through an infatuation stage, but was always guarded about the relationship to see if it would work out, I started to slowly develop love for her and it became the more lasting kind.



I do actually have a problem where one day I can think we're not meant to be, and the next I remember why I love her so much. But this is really has more to do with her emotional instability and unresolved issues that hurt the relationship (so when we have conflict, which is fairly frequent, it pushes us apart, as I withdraw to protect my heart not being sure if this relationship can work out in the end), rather than your situation where you seem to shut down emotionally for no apparent reason. Leading me to believe the problem must be on your side.

I shut down the feelings because at that second she is not attractive, I feel so in love the times she is attractive.. it's a matter of attraction in my case, I am sure of it...

The question is : how can I sometimes be super attracted and sometimes not attracted at all??
What is triggering my attraction to her/ un attraction to her??

[Phoenix23]

If she's not doing anything to trigger the times when you push away, then there's really no reason for it.

The only thing that comes to mind is maybe you've got some unresolved issues from your past that are trying to sabotage this relationship by shutting down your feelings for her.

Because I don't think these positive feelings and attraction you feel for are simply illusionary - Especially when she feels them back. I don't believe your deadened state is the natural way you feel towards her, because it's a lot easier for someone to have their feelings shut down temporarily than it is to have feelings that aren't really there to be manufactured out of nowhere and then disappear (especially if it's something you've regularly felt for 8 months). Your feelings of love for her are coming from a place inside of you, they are just being shut down temporarily for reasons I can't begin to speculate on.

I think you've got a war in your mind that keeps flipping between two positions, and I can't begin to speculate on what that is. You should do some soul searching or maybe go to a counselor who can help guide you through the way you feel.

[jb1111983]

Only you can decide/tell if she's right one for you or not. It is often said that you don't realise what you have until it's gone. What if you never get to see her again? Or you breakup with her and she goes out of your life? If she doesn't mean much to you, the thought of losing her won't keep you awake all night. But if you can't stand the thought of ever losing her, don't let go. You don't have to lose something to realize how much you need/want it.

[AsianBeauties]

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Things will only get worse if you keep this hidden from her. Be honest and just say how you feel but not how she makes you feel, don't lay blame. Why not arrange for regular time apart, explain that you need your space but are still committed to the relationship. Good uck and let us know how you get on.

[vashti]

I don't feel I need to impress her, be nice to her or do anything at all.. because she is so in love that she does not care about anything. (

I don't think this is a good sign. Not good at all.