Is this nothing or something?

[Lulu]

I have been seeing a guy for about a month and a half. He usually waits about a week in between dates before texting me for another. We are both busy people with careers and end up getting together on average once every two weeks as a result. We had a fourth date recently and although I tried VERY hard to resist, I ended up sleeping with him after a four hour long make out session.... after that he waited a week to get a hold of me. He texted for another date and once again it will have been about two weeks before we can see each other. He lives an hour away and my schedule is crazy with work... my friends insist that this isn't good. That we should be talking and texting every day but we don't. We like to see each other but don't keep in contact much in between dates. Also- my friends think it is bad that he didn't get in contact sooner since we slept together. They think it is turning into a "booty call" since I slept with him. We are both in our mid-thirties, independent and have careers. I would hope he isn't thinking like this. Do you guys have any input or advice on the matter? I am getting paranoid and I don't want it to get the best of me!

[surfhb]

Bootielicious!!!

[Wakeup]

Congratulations: You're this weeks Miss Booty Call.



Anyway, Did you meet him online? Do you even know his last name? Did you discuss exclusivity with him now that you're intimate? Have you been to his home or does he always come to yours? Have you ever spoken to him on the telephone? Do you know if he's single?

PS. You haven't been seeing him for a "month and a half" You've seen him 4 times. Big difference.

[Incognito]

Chances are that there is another woman thinking the same thing you are. In other words he's probably seeing (and/or sleeping with) other women during the weeks that he isn't with you. I agree with your friends that this is bad.

[bulrush]

I have been seeing a guy for about a month and a half. He usually waits about a week in between dates before texting me for another. We are both busy people with careers and end up getting together on average once every two weeks as a result. We had a fourth date recently and although I tried VERY hard to resist, I ended up sleeping with him after a four hour long make out session.... after that he waited a week to get a hold of me. He texted for another date and once again it will have been about two weeks before we can see each other. He lives an hour away and my schedule is crazy with work... my friends insist that this isn't good. That we should be talking and texting every day but we don't.

Stop taking advice from your friends. I'm sure they have your best interest at heart but they don't know your feelings for this guy. Do you have feelings for this guy? Do you just want to date him and see how things go?

We like to see each other but don't keep in contact much in between dates. Also- my friends think it is bad that he didn't get in contact sooner since we slept together. They think it is turning into a "booty call" since I slept with him.

Sounds like your friends making assumptions again. You admitted you are both busy, so that's why he cannot call you. Have you called? How often? Also, people in love often talk to each other every day, or every other day. You do not have to be in love to have some adult fun. Just relax about it.

We are both in our mid-thirties, independent and have careers. I would hope he isn't thinking like this. Do you guys have any input or advice on the matter? I am getting paranoid and I don't want it to get the best of me!

We cannot possibly know what he is thinking, so you must ask him outright. Does he think of you as just FWB, casual dating, or something more?

[Wakeup]

You do not have to be in love to have some adult fun. Just relax about it.

I'm sure the guy she's seen 4 times is hoping she's thinking just that. Adult "fun" is more "fun" when BOTH parties have the same goal.

[Lulu]

Understandably we are not in love. I haven't ever done this in my 32 years so bear with me here! I am just wondering if there is any hope here or is it over already? We slipped up too early but I think he MIGHT have potential. What I am wondering is if he thinks there is potential after the fact... and what does it mean that he hadn't texted me for a week? I read that sometimes men test women out to see how they react after sex; if they freak and get clingy, text or call first, etc, is that a possibility? We don't call each other either, just text. I don't think he has very good dating etiquette, but then again I am not a pro dater myself...

I am not just looking for adult fun, I want the real deal but I am not sure if I should even meet him again because I am embarrassed. I really don't think it would be that easy to see him again after two weeks; first time since we had sex- and say, "Hey, are you and I exclusive?" "Are you my boyfriend now?"...talk about freaking a guy out! So do I just write him off? I like him but not sure whether to be offended by the fact that he didn't follow up for an entire week after sex (what does that mean??) and how if I do see him, how to tactfully find out what he wants from me in the long run. Should I just meet him for dinner this week and hold off on sex again until he brings up the subject or clarifies what is going on here? ..guys please help me out here!

[tremolo]

I don't know, Lulu. What you described sounds *somewhat* like how my last relationship started. My ex lived an hour away. He would text me every day or every other day in the beginning, and would arrange for a date with me early-mid week every week for that weekend. The first 4 dates we did nothing but make out. Then things progressed to oral sex over the next few dates, and to intercourse after several months. We didn't have the exclusivity talk until maybe 2 months in; at 3 months I became his 'girlfriend'. He told me - and I believe(d) him - when, after two months, he said that he hadn't been seeing anyone else in all that time. We were both busy and, living an hour away, it was difficult to get together. Anyway, we ended up dating for 8 months and fell in love. Things unravelled in the end for a variety of reasons, I think, but I come to realize that he was not the most attentive or sacrificial boyfriend. He was a good guy and treated me well, but if I could do things over, I would have done them differently. I think the way things began set us (me) up for problems later on

This guy could see you as a booty call, or he may just be pursuing you as he feels inclined to. Maybe not the best sign that he waited so long to call you after the sex, though. I think, though, that you should talk to him soon and let him know that you're not interested in continuing to sleep with him if he's not interested in a relationship. Just tell him that things moved a bit quickly for you, and while you enjoyed it, you want to make sure you're both on the same page. Not really much else you can do at this point...

[Wakeup]

Understandably we are not in love. I haven't ever done this in my 32 years so bear with me here! I am just wondering if there is any hope here or is it over already? We slipped up too early but I think he MIGHT have potential. What I am wondering is if he thinks there is potential after the fact... and what does it mean that he hadn't texted me for a week? I read that sometimes men test women out to see how they react after sex; if they freak and get clingy, text or call first, etc, is that a possibility? We don't call each other either, just text. I don't think he has very good dating etiquette, but then again I am not a pro dater myself...

I am not just looking for adult fun, I want the real deal but I am not sure if I should even meet him again because I am embarrassed. I really don't think it would be that easy to see him again after two weeks; first time since we had sex- and say, "Hey, are you and I exclusive?" "Are you my boyfriend now?"...talk about freaking a guy out! So do I just write him off? I like him but not sure whether to be offended by the fact that he didn't follow up for an entire week after sex (what does that mean??) and how if I do see him, how to tactfully find out what he wants from me in the long run. Should I just meet him for dinner this week and hold off on sex again until he brings up the subject or clarifies what is going on here? ..guys please help me out here!

I think he may be married.
Have you been to his house? do you know his last name? You didn't answer any of the questions I posed to you in my first post. Have YOU text him at least once to see what's up?

He hasn't asked you out again. When/if he does make plans to go out together, don't just hook up, invite him to do something outside your humble abode and if he declines your invite then I'd say he wants to keep it as a sexual only relationship. You know nothing about him. Why would you have any type of sex, oral or otherwise before you knew him better, met his friends at least, knew his intentions and why didn't you ask him when you would see him again before he left after the last sexual hookup?

I can't understand why you girls have sex with someone and don't enquire about "what happens now" before they leave. Why are y'all afraid to talk to someone who just had you so intimately?

Anyhoo, I'm sorry to say that but in the majority of the time in situations like yours, OP... the guy either does the fade or he'll take the sex as long as you don't rock the boat. Any complcations and he'll just quit it. You see him when he deems it which isn't very good for your self-esteem.

Perhaps I'm wrong.

* I really don't think it would be that easy to see him again after two weeks; first time since we had sex- and say, "Hey, are you and I exclusive?" "Are you my boyfriend now?"...

You're a bloody idiot if you are too scared to at least have a conversation about what's going on in his head (if he contacts you again) and if he can't ramp up the contact at least. You're the perfect type for a player to play because you're too afraid of scaring him off by looking out for you own best interests.

Get more confidence if you're going to continue and quit worrying about "scaring him off" If he's into you, talking about what you're doing (hopefully he'll be honest) will not scare him off. If it does than thank your lucky stars he's gone because it's likely he's hiding something from you or he has crappy intentions.

[Pookie]

I am going through something similar. At the beginning of the relationship though he talked about wanting kids and that he would love to marry me. I did not take this on as I thought it was a bit forward after knowing me really for only a couple of months. He does not text or call much either, but he is like that with everyone. I dunno why a man would say such serious things if they are trying to bed me. What if I actually said yeah ok lets have a baby???? And why are the women stupid for being with these sort of men???

[Lulu]

I HAVE met his friends and they really like me. He did text a week later and wanted to get together again. I told him one day this week is good so he mentioned going out to dinner. It is during the week so he has to work that day and the day after so it won't be a late one. He hasn't been to my house yet. I know details about his life- what he does, who he lives with, etc. I just basically wanted to know a tactful way of bringing up the subject without sounding too in need of landing a man!

[Sixpacj]

this doesn't look good, especially if you're looking for a "real deal"... ;-( I'd concur this is about booty call..

[bulrush]

I really am trying to help here, so please answer my questions seriously.

Understandably we are not in love. I haven't ever done this in my 32 years so bear with me here! I am just wondering if there is any hope here or is it over already?

Stop asking us, ask him. You are 32 years old and the only thing you can control is you. So you should talk to him.

We slipped up too early but I think he MIGHT have potential.

Why do you think sleeping with him on the 4th date is a mistake? Are you getting bad vibes or are you just uptight about sex or intimacy? Seriously, please answer these for me. To me, making love is beautiful whether it's with the love of my life, or a FWB. That's just how I approach it.

What I am wondering is if he thinks there is potential after the fact... and what does it mean that he hadn't texted me for a week? I read that sometimes men test women out to see how they react after sex; if they freak and get clingy, text or call first, etc, is that a possibility? We don't call each other either, just text. I don't think he has very good dating etiquette, but then again I am not a pro dater myself...

If this waiting is bothering you, then you should make the next move. You can't control him, but you can initiate a conversation with him.

I am not just looking for adult fun, I want the real deal but I am not sure if I should even meet him again because I am embarrassed. I really don't think it would be that easy to see him again after two weeks; first time since we had sex- and say, "Hey, are you and I exclusive?" "Are you my boyfriend now?"...talk about freaking a guy out!

If he gets freaked about by a simple question, then he is not mature enough for you. Problem solved, eh?

So do I just write him off? I like him but not sure whether to be offended by the fact that he didn't follow up for an entire week after sex (what does that mean??) and how if I do see him, how to tactfully find out what he wants from me in the long run. Should I just meet him for dinner this week and hold off on sex again until he brings up the subject or clarifies what is going on here? ..guys please help me out here!

Call him and ask what is going on. Ask him if he wants to see you again. If not, you know he is not "the one". Then learn from this mistake (if you view sex on the 4th date as a mistake) and move on.

[Lulu]

So we made a plan a week and a half ago via text to go out to "eat" tonight. I hadn't heard from him in a WEEK AND A HALF and at 4:30 today he texted, "Mexican food sound good?". I had made other plans so I just replied that I hadn't heard from him in a while and made plans to go to dinner with friends. He replied, "What? That stinks" and I said I am sorry. That was it. I hope I wasn't out of line but I felt that it wasn't really fair to get a hold of me so last minute to confirm a date that was made a week and a half ago. He never said anything after that. Guys: did I teach him a lesson in dating etiquette and respect or did I blow it completely for good- and maybe that is a GOOD thing??? Was that jerk behavior on his part?

[Evo1114]

That's good. Except I wouldn't have said 'I'm sorry'. It's his fault, not yours. You don't have to live according to his schedule. He can't be THAT busy where he can't send you a text message to ask how you are doing/how your day went/what you are doing that night/etc. Takes 10 seconds!!!

Whoever said that this guy is probably married is probably right on. Find somebody who respects you enough to at least check in on you more than once every 2 weeks to see how you are doing. I too doubt that you are the only woman in his life.