Hi
I'm a 20-year-old male, from Northern Europe and i'm rather new to relationships. I lost my virginity in a one-night stand 5 months ago, not a big deal, really. Then, a month later, I started dating this girl. To begin with, I actively tried to attract her. But everything soon flowed very naturally, I took her out dancing and she took me out to meet her friends. We both fell in love with each other. However, it could not go on like that.
I had let her know from the very beginning that I'd be going to China for a year to study. This girl really means a lot to me and, it seems, I'm very special to her. Apparently, she is picky and had been abstaining from sex for about a year until meeting me. She is quite experienced though, sexually and relationship-wise and she says that i'm the one for her, that she has never admired another man as she does me. I'm terribly afraid that I will break her heart. I love her. I cry for her. But being so inexperienced, how am I to know if she is right for me? My second-greatest fear is her waiting for me for a year only to find that I've lost interest or fallen in love with somebody else.
So before leaving, I asked her not to wait for me. She broke out in tears. We had a long talk about our possible future together and we settled upon a year of reflection time where we would be free to play around with other partners. I think she believes that we will be together again. As I type this I'm 3 days into my stay in China and I still hope (I think) that that we will but who knows if I'll still feel that way in a year? Was it wrong of me to keep her hopes alive? Should I instead have broken up with her, making a clear cut? If I find myself attracted to another girl during this year, I do intend to try it out with her. My greatest fear, perhaps, would be getting back with this girl and having her believe that i'm hers while in truth, she isn't right for me.
I'm at a loss for what to do. We did agree not to be exclusive during our reflection period but I still fear that I'll hurt her. Should I break up with her? I would have to do it by e-mail which would be terrible. But perhaps it's my only option?
Thankyou