GF asked about doing a three-way

[Cerby]

I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months, smooth sailing, things are going well enough. Some early relationship jitters on my part, but working through them.

Anyways, I know she is into both guys and girls, and tonight she asked if I would be ok with having sex with her and another female. She hasn't done it before but has always wondered about it, and stated that if I wasn't ok with it, then we'd drop it cold right there and not bring it up again.

I honestly don't know what to think, I know some guidelines would need to be discussed beforehand, the person would have to be mutually agreed upon, and a simple agreement that neither of us should be in a personal position with this person to develop any level of attachment. I also was clear right away that I'm not cool with reciprocating by having two guys and her next time, and she is fine with that, she likes girls so this is win win for us.

But that said, I'm not sure how to answer the question. As much as a guy I am and jump at the thought of having 2 girls at once. . .the grown up part of me doesn't want it to bulldoze a relationship for some unseen factor.

Thoughts?

[Kyrina]

If you both have your guidelines and trust each other to stay with the guidelines and not become attached, i dont see why you shouldnt but your aware of the risks.
you only really need to know if you trust yourself and your gf enough to allow this person in your relationship so early on. Also she knows you dont want 2 guys on her are you secure enough that she wont say to you after this that she trusted you with another girl but why cant you trust her with you and another guy.
It may not seem important now but it is one of the risks you face after you do 2 girls.

[adamh1]

In my past experience (this is only opinion). Threesomes don't work unless you are detached from both parties involved.
The problem is being attached to one party will make you read more into subtle things during the act and after. Ultimately it just causes jealousy and friction.

[HeartIsAching]

Man... tread lightly. I know from experience that it can be a relationship killer, even when it is suggested by your GF. I dunno man... I don't think I'd go there if you care at all about the relationship.

Maybe if you tell her that she gets to call the shots? So if she gets uncomfortable with something or changes her mind, she's got the option of backing out.

[Wakeup]

I personally would not have a threesome with anyone that I was already emotionally attached to. However: I personally would not be involved emotionally with someone that would suggest one either. We'd be totally on different wave lengths and how could I ever trust them to be happy being monogamous again?

Do you like your love interest to be monogamous if so why would you consider being poly with her?

Bottomline: This one seems to have a different take on sexuality in general than you do. I say that because if you were on the same page there, you'd not have to be here asking your question. Guard your emotions with this one.

I wonder as well: How does she intend on finding an uninvolved third?

[maxmax]

Also, personally, l think after two months, it's a little too soon for this kinda thing.

If you have reservations, then hold back.

If you value the relationship and don't feel comfortable with the idea, then don't do it. She can't hold it against you, and if she does, then that's a sign that maybe she wants more than what she is currently getting.

Then again, another part of me thinks ... cool, two women in bed! What's there to think about? But the reality is there's more to it than that, especially if you're in a relationship. But it seems you already know this ...

[Ric]

She just sounds very open, sexually. I'd love to find a girl like that.
If you're comfortable in your skin and trust her, it shouldn't be a problem.
If you feel anxious about it, you're better off not doing it as you will surely read too much into little things.

So, basically, only go for it with full trust and a complete detachment on the other person, just seeing it as a bit of fun time. Experimenting together, taking it a step further.

[oldskool83]

id do it with sum1 i didnt care about, i wouldnt do it with a gf. thats my grown up answer

[Cerby]

I honestly told her that I wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea at this point in time or our relationship. She said she 100% understood and that she just brought it up because I've been so open minded in other sexual aspects so far, and that this has been something she has always fantasized about. It didn't even need to be someone she knew, we could hire an escort for all she cares, its just on her list of things to try.

She has no problem dropping the topic altogether and reaffirmed that it was entirely about the fantasy, and nothing about the emotion. If I change my mind I can bring it up, but she won't again.

[Ric]

I honestly told her that I wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea at this point in time or our relationship. She said she 100% understood and that she just brought it up because I've been so open minded in other sexual aspects so far, and that this has been something she has always fantasized about. It didn't even need to be someone she knew, we could hire an escort for all she cares, its just on her list of things to try.

She has no problem dropping the topic altogether and reaffirmed that it was entirely about the fantasy, and nothing about the emotion. If I change my mind I can bring it up, but she won't again.

She sounds like a real catch. Few women are that open and experimental and on top of that not pushy about it.

[this.is.me]

So I am about as far from an expert at having a healthy relationship as possible but I can offer advice on things I have done in past relationships that while they ended I really do not feel that because we occasionally had a threesome was the reason. So in case in the future the decide you want to give this a shot here is my advice. Talking about what exactly is going to be going on before hand is really important, some people don't like to get very involved they just like to watch/be watched while others wants all parties equally involved. Having the third party be a stranger with no relation to either of you is the easiest thing to do but I have always had more fun with an otherwise platonic friend as the third party. If things start to feel awkward or someone gets uncomfortable its really easy to let the mood switch to joking and laughing with a friend involved. As a general rule me and my friends I do this with don't really talk about it outside the bedroom, its just something we do for each other sometimes. So since she is the one initiating it I would really considering asking her to get a friend of hers involved.

[tremolo]

Have fun while you can. Probably not something you'll want to mention to your next girlfriend...

[Wakeup]

So I am about as far from an expert at having a healthy relationship as possible but I can offer advice on things I have done in past relationships that while they ended I really do not feel that because we occasionally had a threesome was the reason. So in case in the future the decide you want to give this a shot here is my advice. Talking about what exactly is going to be going on before hand is really important, some people don't like to get very involved they just like to watch/be watched while others wants all parties equally involved. Having the third party be a stranger with no relation to either of you is the easiest thing to do but I have always had more fun with an otherwise platonic friend as the third party. If things start to feel awkward or someone gets uncomfortable its really easy to let the mood switch to joking and laughing with a friend involved. As a general rule me and my friends I do this with don't really talk about it outside the bedroom, its just something we do for each other sometimes. So since she is the one initiating it I would really considering asking her to get a friend of hers involved.

This from a self-proclaimed chronic cheater and sex addict with mental issues.

I don't think I've ever heard from a person without those kinds of issues that would suggest a threesome to someone who they know is basically a monogamous thinker. (just saying)

[bluesummer]

I honestly told her that I wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea at this point in time or our relationship. She said she 100% understood and that she just brought it up because I've been so open minded in other sexual aspects so far, and that this has been something she has always fantasized about. It didn't even need to be someone she knew, we could hire an escort for all she cares, its just on her list of things to try.

She has no problem dropping the topic altogether and reaffirmed that it was entirely about the fantasy, and nothing about the emotion. If I change my mind I can bring it up, but she won't again.

I know people who have done it, and every single one of them told me it was awkward and therefore not very exciting. For some of them it actually created some tension in their relationsip.

If you were 100% comfortabel with it, you and your girlfriend were extremely open-minded sexual people that were open to sharing each other with other people, then go for it. Just don't expect it to be the steamy porno-version everyone seems to think it is. Sometimes the fantasy is better than reality.