What to do?

[Eves]

Hi everybody,

Here’s my situation:
A while ago I met a guy; we went on a couple of dates that lasted for hours, really hitting it off and having an instant connection, sending sweet and funny text messages and e-mails in between.
I knew even before our first date that he was divorced and has two small children. He clearly adores his kids and has shared quite some nice stories about them. He also made it very obvious that it is really hard from him not having his kids around on a daily basis (he and his ex-wife share custody over them).

After having seen each other a few times (and yes, we had already kissed), he let me know that he realized he was still struggling with his divorce and his time away from his children. He still feels very guilty that he can’t let his kids grow up in a “normal family”. He said that he enjoys spending time with me, which makes him happy, but he doesn’t know if he’s ready for a new relationship. He was also wondering if he could allow to bring me in that kind of situation, if that would be fair, if I didn’t deserve any better...?
I replied that I wanted to take things slowly, really getting to know each other and see how things would evolve from there. I can’t look into the future, but I certainly wanted to get to know him better. We send some messages back and forward and after a couple of days I told/promised him to give him his space to figure some things out for himself (being clingy didn’t seem like the best attitude in this case).

He stayed in the back of my mind though and after about three weeks (will power, yeah!), I decided to send him a little e-mail to see how he was (type “hi, I’m still alive, how have you been?”). He immediately replied telling me he was happy to hear from me and that he’d thought never to be in touch again.
Some more mails were exchanged until, after a couple of days, he noted that it had been quite a while since we had seen each other, but that his current situation was too “complex” and that he didn’t want to make any false promises. I answered the way I previously did; I just want to get to know him better without any huge expectations for the future.
We decided to see each other that evening to talk a few things through. I was quite nervous, because I had no idea if we would still hit it off and if things would go smoothly. I shouldn’t have worried at all; from the first second, we immediately felt at ease with other, had exactly the same flow and dynamic we had when we previously met and felt comfortable and connected, resulting in quite some hugs and kisses. We talked, laughed, bantered for hours, having a really nice time, but I had some mixed feelings by the end of the night. I realised that if we would keep seeing each other like this, things would rapidly evolve in a more psychical “thing” and that’s the one thing I don’t want: I don’t want to end up in a kind of **** buddy situation with a guy I could potentially really really like because the emphasis would be put on the sex part with him still having a “too complex “ situation going on with his divorce/time away from his kids...

The following morning I send him a message explaining my point of view and he instantly replied that he completely understood and felt exactly the same way and that we would do fun things together, far away from a bed room situation when we would see each other in the future...
The issue? I don’t know if he doesn’t want to have a relationship right now of if he just doesn’t want to get romantically involved with me...
Don’t get me wrong: I still want to slowly get to know him better but I also know that there is quite a big possibility I will fall in love with him if I keep seeing him. But I am not sure I he enjoys my company because he misses a woman in his arms, because he likes my company (and that’s it) or because he would also would like to get to know me better. My “worst scenario” is that one day in the near future he will tell me he has started a relationship with someone else and then I would feel betrayed.
Conclusion: should I stick it out and see where things could go or am I headed for a potential disappointment/heart break?

[Ric]

Sounds to me as if he is just not yet ready for a real relationship, or doesn't know he is ready. He is being careful with his feelings as he knows they might be unfairly strengthened by a reason break up, and doesn't want you to end up the rebound.

Don't be a **** buddy, don't have sex with him, simple as that. Go out on fun dates with him every now and then, getting to know each other better. Just have a bit of fun and see where it leads. Take it slowly for both your sakes.

And, any potential relationship is heading for potential disappointment/heart break. Any new love is a new risk.